It's easy to write about the positive stuff, but the negative is so hard as I've not figured out the answers yet.
Fleas, itching, itchy bumps...
When I begin to worry about fleas, I instantly start to itch. I even feel crawling over my skin. I check to see if a flea or other critter is present, but nope. Nothing at all. So then I worry - is there an invisible or microscopic creature on me? Have I missed the flea? I've suffered from itchy bumps all my life - have I always been infected with fleas? I remember thinking the same last summer about chickenpox. And biological washing powder. And midges/mosquitoes.
How does one distinguish the correct origin of an itchy bump?
Is it all about magnetic rhythm? The energy field pulsating around my skin intensifies during stress, causing me to itch?
I suffered the least with flea bites out of my mum, boyfriend and daughter and I. Lizzy had bites but hasn't been scratching much.
I suspect this is because she's not aware of them?
Not psychologically aware of their implications.
To reduce my itching I have tried to stay calm, calm my magnetic rhythms.
Work on the heart centre... I feel too focused in the heart. I see, have been told or shown that a wonderful caring gateway has opened here yet it is leading me to give, give and give, yet I receive less back. In monetary terms.
Yet eventually, in time when I have learned my lessons it will return.
Yet, why is there an inadequate gateway to myself?
To nurturing myself?
Well I am trying this week to get on it.
I hate that I have to keep reminding myself to do basic things like stick to a simple western routine of a daily morning shower, brush teeth twice a day - why do I find it so hard? When will my hair stop falling out and will it grow back? Is my tooth decaying or merely chipped? I'm too scared to go to the dentist's and check.
I'm too scared to get my kidneys tested at the doctor's, too scared to donate now :-/
Monday, 31 October 2011
Music Wishlist
Another list of what I would do or buy if I ever have the money...But perhaps I can
engage inside my head, remember, imagine, play my inner CD player, listen to nature or find free sounds online.
David Sun's Birdsong
David Sun's Piano Relaxation
David Sun's Rock Water
Joe Hisaishi's vocal and instrumental hits from Ghibli movies
Maybe maybe maybe... The sound of rain, thunder, wind..
Björk's Biophilia
Oo Tuvan throat singing! I REALLY wish I could do that!
And put that lovely Ravi Shankar Raga CD back in my iPod!
I would like to find a chakra healing or general healing accompaniment that
I actually like. I haven't really explored that section of
the market very much. I would rather teach people to hear their nadas, or use pop or natural music...I just get put off when they don't use real singers, synthesised vocals and instruments make me cringe sooo much! Although technology is improving in this area.
Whale song? Dolphins? Can't get into it but trying.
A lonely wolf howling? Better. The screech of the lonely bird of prey. Maybe that's it.
Loneliness. I am lonely and very much an island. But am
trying to enjoy it and make the best of it, learn to be less isolated
and so on, accept help and love from others as it comes.
I have always loved the wolf, the eagle, the merlin, owl etc. though. And also Robin Redbreast!
engage inside my head, remember, imagine, play my inner CD player, listen to nature or find free sounds online.
David Sun's Birdsong
David Sun's Piano Relaxation
David Sun's Rock Water
Joe Hisaishi's vocal and instrumental hits from Ghibli movies
Maybe maybe maybe... The sound of rain, thunder, wind..
Björk's Biophilia
Oo Tuvan throat singing! I REALLY wish I could do that!
And put that lovely Ravi Shankar Raga CD back in my iPod!
I would like to find a chakra healing or general healing accompaniment that
I actually like. I haven't really explored that section of
the market very much. I would rather teach people to hear their nadas, or use pop or natural music...I just get put off when they don't use real singers, synthesised vocals and instruments make me cringe sooo much! Although technology is improving in this area.
Whale song? Dolphins? Can't get into it but trying.
A lonely wolf howling? Better. The screech of the lonely bird of prey. Maybe that's it.
Loneliness. I am lonely and very much an island. But am
trying to enjoy it and make the best of it, learn to be less isolated
and so on, accept help and love from others as it comes.
I have always loved the wolf, the eagle, the merlin, owl etc. though. And also Robin Redbreast!
Musings on Conducting, Singing, Time and Physics!
Blessings Journal 31st October 2011
Blessings, gratitudes, thanks, gladness, joy :o
I conducted my first choir rehearsal today :-) in 6 or 7 years :-)
The great thing was, despite having done hardly any prep work, nor done much conducting in the past 7 years, nor singing either, I am better now than I was back then.
The brain really does learn for you, in the background, when you're not focusing on things.
And like riding a bike, you never forget. Sensory memory is amazing :-)
Time is amazing.
Time, like molecules, can pass at so many different speeds yet regardless of the speed, and regardless of how long it is since you last did something, if you have no trauma or emotional issues surrounding an area or feel loved and supported, or the time is right in some other way, it really can seem as if it were only yesterday that you last did something. It can all flood back with no trouble. I can put down a piece of music for ten years and come back to it with even greater clarity and understanding.
I can worry to death about a person daily, causing stress in the relationship, yet I can also not see or even contact a friend for years and then pick up the phone and, like stepping straight back in time to my youth, it's as if we never parted. All the old feelings, the conversation, still there.
Time also teaches you transferable skills - during pregnancy my voice flourished, I feel, because pregnancy made me feel confident, full, complete, womanly, mature. And my voice became so as a result.
Also I psychologically expected my voice to become mature and full during pregnancy owing to others' reports eg. Renée Fleming, so maybe because I expected my voice to be full, it became full. (In the way that owing to negative media portrayal, many expect childbirth to be horrific or painful, so it becomes so for them because they need to raise their expectations, try pleasurable birth techniques etc).
To the contrary, people told me my voice couldn't sound full until I was in my late twenties, that if it did appear to sound full I must be faking it - I must be covering or using false vocal folds. So I didn't use the full sound when I was younger, believing it to be false. Yet at conservatoire, during certain coaching sessions, it just came out. In an environment where I had no pressure, criticism, I was allowed to sing naturally how I wanted, the full warm sound came out. Usually, it came out in response to certain repertoire: I just HAD to use it for Chausson's La caravane - what a gorgeous, dramatic song!
So when I was pregnant, I finally felt like I had the right to use this sound! The right to finally sing Puccini (I will never sing Wagner though).
How much was psychological, how much physiological?...
I got a bit power crazy though and developed a wobble! Also when I was feeling low, I often tended to wobble.
So these days I only use the wobble for a joke. I've gone back to pure, early music, early music or sacred chamber group sounds and I'm really enjoying it as a nice refreshing break. The cleanness, the line, the phrasing, the pure pitch.
Perhaps it is even my niche and if I were to have a niche in the classical world, I am happy to settle with Bach, Mozart, Dowland, Purcell and Handel. I really want to extend my Bach and Handel repertoire :-)
I indulge in light to full vibrato in solo repertoire, and I love to sing other things like Mariah Carey, Muse, etc. :-)
Blessings, gratitudes, thanks, gladness, joy :o
I conducted my first choir rehearsal today :-) in 6 or 7 years :-)
The great thing was, despite having done hardly any prep work, nor done much conducting in the past 7 years, nor singing either, I am better now than I was back then.
The brain really does learn for you, in the background, when you're not focusing on things.
And like riding a bike, you never forget. Sensory memory is amazing :-)
Time is amazing.
Time, like molecules, can pass at so many different speeds yet regardless of the speed, and regardless of how long it is since you last did something, if you have no trauma or emotional issues surrounding an area or feel loved and supported, or the time is right in some other way, it really can seem as if it were only yesterday that you last did something. It can all flood back with no trouble. I can put down a piece of music for ten years and come back to it with even greater clarity and understanding.
I can worry to death about a person daily, causing stress in the relationship, yet I can also not see or even contact a friend for years and then pick up the phone and, like stepping straight back in time to my youth, it's as if we never parted. All the old feelings, the conversation, still there.
Time also teaches you transferable skills - during pregnancy my voice flourished, I feel, because pregnancy made me feel confident, full, complete, womanly, mature. And my voice became so as a result.
Also I psychologically expected my voice to become mature and full during pregnancy owing to others' reports eg. Renée Fleming, so maybe because I expected my voice to be full, it became full. (In the way that owing to negative media portrayal, many expect childbirth to be horrific or painful, so it becomes so for them because they need to raise their expectations, try pleasurable birth techniques etc).
To the contrary, people told me my voice couldn't sound full until I was in my late twenties, that if it did appear to sound full I must be faking it - I must be covering or using false vocal folds. So I didn't use the full sound when I was younger, believing it to be false. Yet at conservatoire, during certain coaching sessions, it just came out. In an environment where I had no pressure, criticism, I was allowed to sing naturally how I wanted, the full warm sound came out. Usually, it came out in response to certain repertoire: I just HAD to use it for Chausson's La caravane - what a gorgeous, dramatic song!
So when I was pregnant, I finally felt like I had the right to use this sound! The right to finally sing Puccini (I will never sing Wagner though).
How much was psychological, how much physiological?...
I got a bit power crazy though and developed a wobble! Also when I was feeling low, I often tended to wobble.
So these days I only use the wobble for a joke. I've gone back to pure, early music, early music or sacred chamber group sounds and I'm really enjoying it as a nice refreshing break. The cleanness, the line, the phrasing, the pure pitch.
Perhaps it is even my niche and if I were to have a niche in the classical world, I am happy to settle with Bach, Mozart, Dowland, Purcell and Handel. I really want to extend my Bach and Handel repertoire :-)
I indulge in light to full vibrato in solo repertoire, and I love to sing other things like Mariah Carey, Muse, etc. :-)
Sunday, 30 October 2011
'Everything In Its Right Place' Radiohead: a musical and sound healing, spiritual exploration.
'Everything In Its Right Place' Radiohead: a musical and sound healing, spiritual exploration.
As I listened to this song, I knew it was the right one. I had been cruising through my playlist looking for pure chillout tracks that I could use in a healing session, like Treefingers but ones that made me feel more positive. (In the hope that it would make the patient feel more positive too - although everyone's energy responds differently to the same track, it depends on the moment).
It wasn't what I had been looking for on a rational level - a song with no pulse, with long drawn-out chords, no lyrics, perhaps no vocals, in a major or modal key (your typical sound healing track).
Yet, it did just the trick - drawing me into its vortex, of healing negativity within me. That old adage, quoted by.. John Beaulieu? In his loving and wise, intuitive 'Music and Sound in the Healing Arts' - that sometimes, the opposite or complementary sound can heal you but at other times, (as in my case at this time) hearing something that echoes your existing mood or condition can provide the best healing.
It drew me into a beautiful, calming, muted green, grey and blue vortex of healing gently my negativity, creating a feeling of peace, calm, tranquility, hope and positivity.
How did it do it musically?
Perhaps the descending echoey and beautifully low bass line created a feeling of descending deep into a lovely vortex?
The tinkly instrument added the feeling of calm, angelic almost tranquility, on a human to angel level - a meeting point, like in a mandorla.
And then the words kicked in...
Everything... everything... Everything... In its riight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaaace...
The repetition.
The use of three.
The rhythm.
It reminded me of the technique my lovely angels or spiritual guiding beings use to calm me down, or bring something to my attention - sometimes, they come close to my right ear and speak a short phrase in rhythm, repeating it.
Sometimes I get annoyed or afraid! But if I trust and go with it, being aware of the words, I soon relax, often going into a deep sleep or deep state of awareness, or I feel chakras linking or being woven together like a figure of eight - harmony, balance, like the harmonograph picture of a perfect fifth?
As I listened to this song, I knew it was the right one. I had been cruising through my playlist looking for pure chillout tracks that I could use in a healing session, like Treefingers but ones that made me feel more positive. (In the hope that it would make the patient feel more positive too - although everyone's energy responds differently to the same track, it depends on the moment).
It wasn't what I had been looking for on a rational level - a song with no pulse, with long drawn-out chords, no lyrics, perhaps no vocals, in a major or modal key (your typical sound healing track).
Yet, it did just the trick - drawing me into its vortex, of healing negativity within me. That old adage, quoted by.. John Beaulieu? In his loving and wise, intuitive 'Music and Sound in the Healing Arts' - that sometimes, the opposite or complementary sound can heal you but at other times, (as in my case at this time) hearing something that echoes your existing mood or condition can provide the best healing.
It drew me into a beautiful, calming, muted green, grey and blue vortex of healing gently my negativity, creating a feeling of peace, calm, tranquility, hope and positivity.
How did it do it musically?
Perhaps the descending echoey and beautifully low bass line created a feeling of descending deep into a lovely vortex?
The tinkly instrument added the feeling of calm, angelic almost tranquility, on a human to angel level - a meeting point, like in a mandorla.
And then the words kicked in...
Everything... everything... Everything... In its riight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaaace...
The repetition.
The use of three.
The rhythm.
It reminded me of the technique my lovely angels or spiritual guiding beings use to calm me down, or bring something to my attention - sometimes, they come close to my right ear and speak a short phrase in rhythm, repeating it.
Sometimes I get annoyed or afraid! But if I trust and go with it, being aware of the words, I soon relax, often going into a deep sleep or deep state of awareness, or I feel chakras linking or being woven together like a figure of eight - harmony, balance, like the harmonograph picture of a perfect fifth?
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Sex - Respect, Permission, Healing, Gender-Energy Inequality? (Also breastfeeding)
It has long been troubling me this week that from among all the wonderful (and less wonderful) inspirational tweets I receive daily, there is no mention of sex.
In the spiritual manuals I have read that are so helpful, there is little mention of sex, crime or abusive relationships.
I realise there may be legal issues etc etc. but I do also feel that the more we practice spiritually, perhaps we stop talking about deeper, human issues such as this. But these things have to be talked about so I hope that this article doesn't get removed or be accused of being 'low vibration'. Healers and spiritual teachers have personal lives and everything might not be hunky dory beneath that spiritual mask! We all have problems and need healing throughout our lives. If anyone reading this professes to be 100% perfect, ascended, free from trauma and personal difficulties, see me for a shiny sticker. No seriously contact me, I'm interested!! :-)
Gender Equality and The Progression of Religion
Many old traditions stop women from becoming priests and the equivalent. Eg. in Islam, (a religion/culture that teaches us a lot about community and giving) many women cannot even go the the Mosque to pray as they are expected to pray at home because of fitting spiritual practice in with their duties with the children and cooking for the family. New Age religion moves towards gender equailty as society does in turn - women can now more easily become spiritual teachers, leaders, counsellors etc. and are not just working in roles as a healer, nurturer, herbalist, or passive channeler. We have our own opinions!
Gratitude for the nurturing we receive and accurately referencing ideas.
Do we credit our spirit guides and angelic/star assistance enough? Do we pass off ideas as our own? Do we underestimate or under-acknowledge the support and healing we receive from these wonderful beings?
Is this a feminist issue?
It's a common thing, I feel, for the work mothers do to go unacknlowedged and unappreciated - it's often not measured or rated as highly as academic achievement, for example. Some unsympathetic partners will ask their wives what they've been doing all day, for example. But nurturing is a role that is energy-demanding and needs to be thanked for.
When one studies for a degree, every idea we read and use within our essays has to be referenced. I have got out of the habit of doing that but I do try to credit the people who have helped and inspired me, stimulated my ideas.
Article
I lay awake last night after a horrific nightmare where my cats were eaten by a bear at a spiritual conference where many ladies had taken their cats to watch, but I was caught up in family duties, and instead of saving them, we ran away because the wolves were going to get us all..
Somehow that led, following thought after thought, to my reflecting on my and my ex-partners' attitudes toward sex, the respect of a female body (or anyone's body), and society's attitudes as a whole towards womens' bodies.
I began thinking in further depth about other kinds of respect - psychological, emotional and spiritual. Respecting someone's needs for love, comfort, support, personal space; trusting someone and trusting oneself.
I said in a recent tweet that I feel that in sex, women should be honoured, respected, and revered. I feel that in all of life, we should revere, honour and respect our own bodies, our entire selves, and each other.
I still feel that. Yet, does culture in the media, and our upbringing etc. and even natural instinct give us the idea that we deserve a woman's body? That it is somehow our right to touch, feel, drink of its goodness?
Babies and Toddlers and Beyond
My mind is cast back to babies - morally innocent, if they are allowed to they will scratch their mother's breasts during that developmental phase where they are discovering their nails, bite their mother when their first teeth come, grab their mother's boobs and drag them almost across the room, stretch them, etc. when they are walking.
For this reason, many ladies with self respect stop breastfeeding as soon as the first pain appears!
Breastfeeding, like sex and birth should not be painful - it can be pleasurable and if it isn't, stop and think why. Teach your child boundaries - all kids can learn no matter what their age. As long as you teach them with love and gentleness, but firmness and regular repetition of new ideas/rules, it's ok.
If breastfeeding doesn't hurt, but just doesn't feel right, then you can still stop for a few minutes and think, how can we best improve this experience? You are in charge.
With regards to weaning, it is best to look within and see how you feel, monitor your child's health and reactions, consult with health professionals, read a variety of books on the subject and make your mind up. There are a variety of opinions on when the best time to wean completely is, and the weaning process can be quick, medium, or drawn out etc. It is possible for many ladies to relactate or re-increase milk supply if they change their mind, although perhaps not all ladies.
It is also possible for men to breastfeed! Google it!
Sex
Do we as ladies share the same attitude to sex? And if this resonates with any guys or transgender folk out there, which it probably will do, how about you?
How many of you out there, if your partner, male, female or transgender, started kissing or touching you and wanted sex, would stop and think, 'Hang on, is this what I want? How much am I in the mood for sex? What's my desire percentage?' Or something like that.
And if you found within yourself that you weren't in the mood, or that your feelings of desire were really low, would you stop and say, 'No, sorry, I'm not in the mood' or 'Could you kiss my neck' or 'Could you rub my back' 'Could we talk for a while' etc. - a request based on your feelings about how your partner could help you relax?
How many people sometimes, or frequently don't do this and just lie back and think of king and country etc.?
Break-Ups
Looking back, I can remember so many situations in my life where actually, I didn't want sex. Or I didn't plan to have it but was co-erced into it.
Not wanting to upset any ex partners if they read this but I started thinking last night, is this why some of my relationships broke down but I just couldn't explain why I didn't want to be with that person anymore?
Of course, there are many other factors in break-ups and I have generally always explained to partners the reasons why, apart from when I was really young and didn't have a clue.
And maybe at times it was just destiny - a need to move on to a new stage in my life.
Yet, I am once more at the bottom of that weird feeling that I have experienced in the last 4-5 years of being dirty. Unclean. An unclean energy coming from partners. I know what it is now - I tried to ignore it, push it away, lie back and think of king and country, higher energy, switch off the recurrent visions of exes, block out the spirit guides' messages, make myself feel desire somehow, change position, ask my partner to change something, all to no effect.
The feeling of dirtiness was lust, desire, (which is a good feeling to have, I'm not one of those puritanical types!) but the problem was, the feeling wasn't returned and my partner hadn't even bothered to check whether or not I felt the same way back! They were just helping themselves to my body, assuming I was in the mood. It had reached a stage in the relationship where they were assuming that sex was part of the relationship. A given, the norm. And sometimes, even, a right.
I didn't help there - it's not all their fault obviously. I reached a stage in the relationship where I thought that sex was a given. A right to my partner. A gift. I had cultural expectations that sex becomes more boring as a relationship progresses, more difficult to excite, and because of those expectations and because of role models of lying back and thinking of king and country, I did it.
But then again, I knew I was doing it, knew I was fitting into an outdated stereotype but it has been hard to break out of it.
I hate to stereotype. I know there are guys out there who get abused, raped, or touched when they don't want it. Which is why I'm trying to write this article sensitively and openly.
I try to think along the lines of energy - we all carry masculine and feminine energy within us. Sometimes, a guy will have predominant feminine energy and his life lessons may link to this somehow. Sometimes, a girl will have predominant masculine energy, some people are balanced etc.
Passivity and Feminine Energy
Is passivity a common trait of feminine energy?
It must have its advantages, but also disadvantages obviously.
Even in nature, I sometimes see male animals chasing the females until they give in to sex, or pushing the females away so they can get the food first. Not a good role model. There must be examples from certain species though that show the opposite. There are even gay/lesbian animals in nature!
I think it is our role as humans and guardians of the planet in physical form to teach animals gender equality, love and respect for one another. Think I'm daft? I really think we should.
Healthy Attitudes to Sex
I don't want this article to scare anyone too much that they don't enjoy sex anymore.
I used to love sex so much, I was so raring to go in my youth, free from moral awareness and feelings of true responsibility.
As I have grown older and the responsibilities of parenting, knowledge taught to me of spiritual responsibility and thoughts of permission, studying feminism, rape and religious attitudes towards sex have all weighed down on me. I have stopped enjoying or wanting sex, leaping into it, it as much as I used to.
Is it just because of the above reasons or is it also lack of experience since I became a parent? Being rusty etc.?
I don't know entirely but I hope this article helps and reaches out to those who need to speak out for what they want, need, and feel with regards to their bodies, souls, hearts and minds. We always have a choice and abstinence - a break from sex - is ok. It's not a crime. Your partner will survive!
If they cause problems, you could be in an abusive relationship. Click on this link to go through the checklist.
Abusive Relationship Checklist
http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
But I do feel that long periods of abstinence - long breaks from sex - need to be addressed on some level through talking, counselling, maybe sex therapy or spiritual healing and counselling, other sorts of things. Maybe regular massage, cuddles, etc. or whatever feels comfortable - something that helps with bonding, communication, increasing the love between you and healing any issues present.
In the spiritual manuals I have read that are so helpful, there is little mention of sex, crime or abusive relationships.
I realise there may be legal issues etc etc. but I do also feel that the more we practice spiritually, perhaps we stop talking about deeper, human issues such as this. But these things have to be talked about so I hope that this article doesn't get removed or be accused of being 'low vibration'. Healers and spiritual teachers have personal lives and everything might not be hunky dory beneath that spiritual mask! We all have problems and need healing throughout our lives. If anyone reading this professes to be 100% perfect, ascended, free from trauma and personal difficulties, see me for a shiny sticker. No seriously contact me, I'm interested!! :-)
Gender Equality and The Progression of Religion
Many old traditions stop women from becoming priests and the equivalent. Eg. in Islam, (a religion/culture that teaches us a lot about community and giving) many women cannot even go the the Mosque to pray as they are expected to pray at home because of fitting spiritual practice in with their duties with the children and cooking for the family. New Age religion moves towards gender equailty as society does in turn - women can now more easily become spiritual teachers, leaders, counsellors etc. and are not just working in roles as a healer, nurturer, herbalist, or passive channeler. We have our own opinions!
Gratitude for the nurturing we receive and accurately referencing ideas.
Do we credit our spirit guides and angelic/star assistance enough? Do we pass off ideas as our own? Do we underestimate or under-acknowledge the support and healing we receive from these wonderful beings?
Is this a feminist issue?
It's a common thing, I feel, for the work mothers do to go unacknlowedged and unappreciated - it's often not measured or rated as highly as academic achievement, for example. Some unsympathetic partners will ask their wives what they've been doing all day, for example. But nurturing is a role that is energy-demanding and needs to be thanked for.
When one studies for a degree, every idea we read and use within our essays has to be referenced. I have got out of the habit of doing that but I do try to credit the people who have helped and inspired me, stimulated my ideas.
Article
I lay awake last night after a horrific nightmare where my cats were eaten by a bear at a spiritual conference where many ladies had taken their cats to watch, but I was caught up in family duties, and instead of saving them, we ran away because the wolves were going to get us all..
Somehow that led, following thought after thought, to my reflecting on my and my ex-partners' attitudes toward sex, the respect of a female body (or anyone's body), and society's attitudes as a whole towards womens' bodies.
I began thinking in further depth about other kinds of respect - psychological, emotional and spiritual. Respecting someone's needs for love, comfort, support, personal space; trusting someone and trusting oneself.
I said in a recent tweet that I feel that in sex, women should be honoured, respected, and revered. I feel that in all of life, we should revere, honour and respect our own bodies, our entire selves, and each other.
I still feel that. Yet, does culture in the media, and our upbringing etc. and even natural instinct give us the idea that we deserve a woman's body? That it is somehow our right to touch, feel, drink of its goodness?
Babies and Toddlers and Beyond
My mind is cast back to babies - morally innocent, if they are allowed to they will scratch their mother's breasts during that developmental phase where they are discovering their nails, bite their mother when their first teeth come, grab their mother's boobs and drag them almost across the room, stretch them, etc. when they are walking.
For this reason, many ladies with self respect stop breastfeeding as soon as the first pain appears!
Breastfeeding, like sex and birth should not be painful - it can be pleasurable and if it isn't, stop and think why. Teach your child boundaries - all kids can learn no matter what their age. As long as you teach them with love and gentleness, but firmness and regular repetition of new ideas/rules, it's ok.
If breastfeeding doesn't hurt, but just doesn't feel right, then you can still stop for a few minutes and think, how can we best improve this experience? You are in charge.
With regards to weaning, it is best to look within and see how you feel, monitor your child's health and reactions, consult with health professionals, read a variety of books on the subject and make your mind up. There are a variety of opinions on when the best time to wean completely is, and the weaning process can be quick, medium, or drawn out etc. It is possible for many ladies to relactate or re-increase milk supply if they change their mind, although perhaps not all ladies.
It is also possible for men to breastfeed! Google it!
Sex
Do we as ladies share the same attitude to sex? And if this resonates with any guys or transgender folk out there, which it probably will do, how about you?
How many of you out there, if your partner, male, female or transgender, started kissing or touching you and wanted sex, would stop and think, 'Hang on, is this what I want? How much am I in the mood for sex? What's my desire percentage?' Or something like that.
And if you found within yourself that you weren't in the mood, or that your feelings of desire were really low, would you stop and say, 'No, sorry, I'm not in the mood' or 'Could you kiss my neck' or 'Could you rub my back' 'Could we talk for a while' etc. - a request based on your feelings about how your partner could help you relax?
How many people sometimes, or frequently don't do this and just lie back and think of king and country etc.?
Break-Ups
Looking back, I can remember so many situations in my life where actually, I didn't want sex. Or I didn't plan to have it but was co-erced into it.
Not wanting to upset any ex partners if they read this but I started thinking last night, is this why some of my relationships broke down but I just couldn't explain why I didn't want to be with that person anymore?
Of course, there are many other factors in break-ups and I have generally always explained to partners the reasons why, apart from when I was really young and didn't have a clue.
And maybe at times it was just destiny - a need to move on to a new stage in my life.
Yet, I am once more at the bottom of that weird feeling that I have experienced in the last 4-5 years of being dirty. Unclean. An unclean energy coming from partners. I know what it is now - I tried to ignore it, push it away, lie back and think of king and country, higher energy, switch off the recurrent visions of exes, block out the spirit guides' messages, make myself feel desire somehow, change position, ask my partner to change something, all to no effect.
The feeling of dirtiness was lust, desire, (which is a good feeling to have, I'm not one of those puritanical types!) but the problem was, the feeling wasn't returned and my partner hadn't even bothered to check whether or not I felt the same way back! They were just helping themselves to my body, assuming I was in the mood. It had reached a stage in the relationship where they were assuming that sex was part of the relationship. A given, the norm. And sometimes, even, a right.
I didn't help there - it's not all their fault obviously. I reached a stage in the relationship where I thought that sex was a given. A right to my partner. A gift. I had cultural expectations that sex becomes more boring as a relationship progresses, more difficult to excite, and because of those expectations and because of role models of lying back and thinking of king and country, I did it.
But then again, I knew I was doing it, knew I was fitting into an outdated stereotype but it has been hard to break out of it.
I hate to stereotype. I know there are guys out there who get abused, raped, or touched when they don't want it. Which is why I'm trying to write this article sensitively and openly.
I try to think along the lines of energy - we all carry masculine and feminine energy within us. Sometimes, a guy will have predominant feminine energy and his life lessons may link to this somehow. Sometimes, a girl will have predominant masculine energy, some people are balanced etc.
Passivity and Feminine Energy
Is passivity a common trait of feminine energy?
It must have its advantages, but also disadvantages obviously.
Even in nature, I sometimes see male animals chasing the females until they give in to sex, or pushing the females away so they can get the food first. Not a good role model. There must be examples from certain species though that show the opposite. There are even gay/lesbian animals in nature!
I think it is our role as humans and guardians of the planet in physical form to teach animals gender equality, love and respect for one another. Think I'm daft? I really think we should.
Healthy Attitudes to Sex
I don't want this article to scare anyone too much that they don't enjoy sex anymore.
I used to love sex so much, I was so raring to go in my youth, free from moral awareness and feelings of true responsibility.
As I have grown older and the responsibilities of parenting, knowledge taught to me of spiritual responsibility and thoughts of permission, studying feminism, rape and religious attitudes towards sex have all weighed down on me. I have stopped enjoying or wanting sex, leaping into it, it as much as I used to.
Is it just because of the above reasons or is it also lack of experience since I became a parent? Being rusty etc.?
I don't know entirely but I hope this article helps and reaches out to those who need to speak out for what they want, need, and feel with regards to their bodies, souls, hearts and minds. We always have a choice and abstinence - a break from sex - is ok. It's not a crime. Your partner will survive!
If they cause problems, you could be in an abusive relationship. Click on this link to go through the checklist.
Abusive Relationship Checklist
http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
But I do feel that long periods of abstinence - long breaks from sex - need to be addressed on some level through talking, counselling, maybe sex therapy or spiritual healing and counselling, other sorts of things. Maybe regular massage, cuddles, etc. or whatever feels comfortable - something that helps with bonding, communication, increasing the love between you and healing any issues present.
©Natalie Windsor
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