Quotes -
Davey: on his first evening faced with a somewhat daunting challenge of reading daughter to sleep, banged knee on bookcase while searching for another bedtime story.
Lizzy:
Offering words of caring advice, as always (she is a very caring, motherly little soul) 'Just let it bleed! it'll be alright!'
During a stressful time navigating from the M6 to Birmingham central, in heavy traffic, the new boyfriend chauferring us to drop Lizzy with the ex husband's house for the first time, and guess what, the ex parents in law (who possibly hate me and havent spoken a word to me hardly since the split), are going to be there!
Meanwhile on planet 2 3/4year old daughter: 'Is it junction 11a? What a lovely name for a road! Is that junction 11a? 'Hello, my name's junction 11a!''
Beth, aged 2 and 10 months 'I've drunk too much apple juice'
Carole: 'How do you know?'
'Because it made me do a burp!'
Lizzy: Playing peepo with the new cat, who is hiding, possibly terrified, behind the sofa.
She runs to one end, looks at it, screeches with delight and mock fear then runs to the other, looks at it, laughs and screeches with mock fear and delight. What a great game! She loves to play this pretend peep game with animals. I wonder, does the animal respond and give her 'A funny wink' as she puts it?!
Lizzy:
'I'm scared of the cat!' me: 'What are you scared of Lizzy?' 'I'm scared of it's furry little legs!!' she said, lovingly grinning profusely!
'Yorkshire is a place. Yorkshire is a state of mind' Howard Moon
Lizzy 'Can I look at you eating your sweets Davey?'
Lizzy, talking about bath preferences: 'I don't like a CLEAN bath, I like my bath to be STINKY'
Lizzy: on showing a new dance:'This is the Bum Bamp!' She sticks her bum out as far as she can to the side!
Friday, 27 May 2011
Friday, 13 May 2011
My Favourite Person In All The World
My silly iPhone won't let me post photos on here.
Perhaps the most relieving moment of my week has been seeing Davey. I was beginning to feel increasingly insecure, stressed, about him staying the night whilst Lizzy was also staying - owing to the sheer workload and stress of housework, weaning, endless story reading and cleaning, attempting to care for Liz without Davey feeling left out, attempting to create love and romance with Davey without Liz feeling left out or being too inappropriate (in all honesty I'm not completely sure what appropriate is apart from the obvious).
But my fears were allayed as soon as I saw you :-)
And it was so relaxing, so pleasant, so romantic, so supportive, so everything I absolutely needed! I couldn't have wished for anything more! Well maybe a couple of things more ;-) but not much! It made me feel as other occasions have that we really could be a family - not just having a kid of our own but having Lizzy as our kid.
Living together happily, eventually.
Travelling together, joyfully.
Making music together, with lots of fun!
Learning reflecting and reasoning together.
Caring for the world and our dear friends together, with reasonable detachment.
(Maybe that's what I need! Eureka!!)
I love you Davey and I hope I upset noone else by writing this, I do truly love you too but I have to love one person and spend most of my time with one person more than anybody else. I think - I certainly want enough time to still look after everybody else as well, as much as they need it.
Lots of love to everyone xxxxx
Perhaps the most relieving moment of my week has been seeing Davey. I was beginning to feel increasingly insecure, stressed, about him staying the night whilst Lizzy was also staying - owing to the sheer workload and stress of housework, weaning, endless story reading and cleaning, attempting to care for Liz without Davey feeling left out, attempting to create love and romance with Davey without Liz feeling left out or being too inappropriate (in all honesty I'm not completely sure what appropriate is apart from the obvious).
But my fears were allayed as soon as I saw you :-)
And it was so relaxing, so pleasant, so romantic, so supportive, so everything I absolutely needed! I couldn't have wished for anything more! Well maybe a couple of things more ;-) but not much! It made me feel as other occasions have that we really could be a family - not just having a kid of our own but having Lizzy as our kid.
Living together happily, eventually.
Travelling together, joyfully.
Making music together, with lots of fun!
Learning reflecting and reasoning together.
Caring for the world and our dear friends together, with reasonable detachment.
(Maybe that's what I need! Eureka!!)
I love you Davey and I hope I upset noone else by writing this, I do truly love you too but I have to love one person and spend most of my time with one person more than anybody else. I think - I certainly want enough time to still look after everybody else as well, as much as they need it.
Lots of love to everyone xxxxx
Let's Write Something Positive!
I don't usually write diary style entries on here, but the poetry isn't there this month and I am clearing out my brow and eye chakras so let's write all the nice things that have happened this week! (Well the ones I am allowed to write about on here ;-) ).
Cats
My Mum is adamant that the names for my new cats should be 'Shouldn't of' (colloquial Mum does know propa grammar ;-) ) and 'Had 'em' !
She feels I shouldn't spend my money on extra tiny furry little mouths to feed.
I've worried I can't give them the time and attention they need.
However as I've discussed alternative healing type solutions with the previous owner twice and he seems insistent on believing that his son's eczema will be cured upon removal of said beloved, much pampered cats, I think I need to let go, not feel guilty, give it a go and commit to gradual integration of furry felines into our crazy developing household.
You see I said our there... What does our mean? I rarely used or felt 'our' even when living with Matt and Lizzy in a marital situation. Now with lively lovely boyfriend staying over a few nights a week and gradually coming into our lives in nice helpful and fun wats, I feel much happy with the 'our', pronounced 'ah' in a truly loving and balanced way...
The positive with the cats?
Despite my fears, they do seem to be gradually integrating and bonding.
Beth or Lizzy
What's in a name? I still want to stop calling my daughter Lizzy, and call her Beth all the time instead. Beth represents to me peace, tranquility, shamla, love, an integration of heart and crown. Rose and green. I wish she would not be angry with me when I refuse to feed her breastmilk anymore...I wish she would stop being angry completely, stop being so wilful...'Graceful Parenting' says that wherever possible, in a power struggle between parent and child, give the power to the child.
I used to agree with this a little, never completely. Now I just plain disagree.
And Iliana? This was the name shown to me in my first trimester when I tried to ask for her name psychically. It showed White. And Rose as a secondary colour. A dancer, a true girl, a princess, a tall slender beautiful blonde haired girl who loved beauty and dance. And you know, that IS Elizabeth. Negatives were the tendency to be a little self centred and princessy.
Matt didn't want the name Iliana or Ilana Tose. He thought it to be too Lord of the Ringsy. He thought she might get bullied. I felt like saying, 'I'll pick our female child's name and you can pick our male child's name'. But I bottled. I thought we should be equal parents and reach a compromise.
As pregnancy progressed and we argued more and more increasingly, so the name I saw in my vision for our new child became more and more low vibration. Close to the birth, White had disappeared from her incarnation ray and red and green were now her karmic colours - a child born needing to conquer anger, born of angry parents, needing love and forgiveness. A strong willed child.
I want to change this karma now.
I want to change her name.
Elizabeth Rose no more...
Beth Rose?
Iliana Rose?
Or do I need to separate the names from the colours?
Elizabeth Rose - What were the positives?
Strong willed. Balanced in the heart. Outdoorsy. Good with exercise. Strong legs and feet, a lover of running, jumping, climbing, as well as dance.
A loving, giving soul. Capable of great strength, generosity, and healing of others. The truth is she loves pink - pale delicate pink, girly pink, mid pink, peach, and deep pink. In time's of crisis, she is very good at comforting and nurturing me, even at her young age.
She likes to give a cuddle, a kiss on the lips, say I love you, good advice, and disperse stress with playing about and joking. She happily converses with any stranger and if she likes them, will even be picked up by them. She loves to go up to all the little girls, and some little boys of around her age and give them a cuddle in the shopping centre etc!
This is my doing and Matt's. We worked hard at this and need to be proud here and thank and congratulate each other. I transcended my karma here.
She is in a much more peaceful environment now. She has two loving homes to live in - one crazy free thinking jazz household with possibly lazy routines, and one that is aiming to be reasonable, rational, and structured and ordered. Well there probably isn't lots of difference between our households, not sure. One where she gets to sleep next to her Dad, and her Nan in Wirksworth, and lots of people who love her live there. One that is perhaps more strict and isolated, where she sleeps more alone, she is not the centre of attention in fact sometimes, she comes second to the other love of my life, but I think this is good for her as long as she is treated with love and respect.
Cats
My Mum is adamant that the names for my new cats should be 'Shouldn't of' (colloquial Mum does know propa grammar ;-) ) and 'Had 'em' !
She feels I shouldn't spend my money on extra tiny furry little mouths to feed.
I've worried I can't give them the time and attention they need.
However as I've discussed alternative healing type solutions with the previous owner twice and he seems insistent on believing that his son's eczema will be cured upon removal of said beloved, much pampered cats, I think I need to let go, not feel guilty, give it a go and commit to gradual integration of furry felines into our crazy developing household.
You see I said our there... What does our mean? I rarely used or felt 'our' even when living with Matt and Lizzy in a marital situation. Now with lively lovely boyfriend staying over a few nights a week and gradually coming into our lives in nice helpful and fun wats, I feel much happy with the 'our', pronounced 'ah' in a truly loving and balanced way...
The positive with the cats?
Despite my fears, they do seem to be gradually integrating and bonding.
Beth or Lizzy
What's in a name? I still want to stop calling my daughter Lizzy, and call her Beth all the time instead. Beth represents to me peace, tranquility, shamla, love, an integration of heart and crown. Rose and green. I wish she would not be angry with me when I refuse to feed her breastmilk anymore...I wish she would stop being angry completely, stop being so wilful...'Graceful Parenting' says that wherever possible, in a power struggle between parent and child, give the power to the child.
I used to agree with this a little, never completely. Now I just plain disagree.
And Iliana? This was the name shown to me in my first trimester when I tried to ask for her name psychically. It showed White. And Rose as a secondary colour. A dancer, a true girl, a princess, a tall slender beautiful blonde haired girl who loved beauty and dance. And you know, that IS Elizabeth. Negatives were the tendency to be a little self centred and princessy.
Matt didn't want the name Iliana or Ilana Tose. He thought it to be too Lord of the Ringsy. He thought she might get bullied. I felt like saying, 'I'll pick our female child's name and you can pick our male child's name'. But I bottled. I thought we should be equal parents and reach a compromise.
As pregnancy progressed and we argued more and more increasingly, so the name I saw in my vision for our new child became more and more low vibration. Close to the birth, White had disappeared from her incarnation ray and red and green were now her karmic colours - a child born needing to conquer anger, born of angry parents, needing love and forgiveness. A strong willed child.
I want to change this karma now.
I want to change her name.
Elizabeth Rose no more...
Beth Rose?
Iliana Rose?
Or do I need to separate the names from the colours?
Elizabeth Rose - What were the positives?
Strong willed. Balanced in the heart. Outdoorsy. Good with exercise. Strong legs and feet, a lover of running, jumping, climbing, as well as dance.
A loving, giving soul. Capable of great strength, generosity, and healing of others. The truth is she loves pink - pale delicate pink, girly pink, mid pink, peach, and deep pink. In time's of crisis, she is very good at comforting and nurturing me, even at her young age.
She likes to give a cuddle, a kiss on the lips, say I love you, good advice, and disperse stress with playing about and joking. She happily converses with any stranger and if she likes them, will even be picked up by them. She loves to go up to all the little girls, and some little boys of around her age and give them a cuddle in the shopping centre etc!
This is my doing and Matt's. We worked hard at this and need to be proud here and thank and congratulate each other. I transcended my karma here.
She is in a much more peaceful environment now. She has two loving homes to live in - one crazy free thinking jazz household with possibly lazy routines, and one that is aiming to be reasonable, rational, and structured and ordered. Well there probably isn't lots of difference between our households, not sure. One where she gets to sleep next to her Dad, and her Nan in Wirksworth, and lots of people who love her live there. One that is perhaps more strict and isolated, where she sleeps more alone, she is not the centre of attention in fact sometimes, she comes second to the other love of my life, but I think this is good for her as long as she is treated with love and respect.
Parenting, Breastfeeding on Demand.. New Thoughts and New Approach
Breastfeeding on Demand / on Cue (UK and US terms respectively)
New thoughts - comments, questions, differing viewpoints welcome.
Once my way of feeding my daughter, and a key NHS instruction (up until 6 months of age) I now disagree with this concept, particularly from a psychological/spiritual standpoint.
Why?
Because the word 'demand' psychologically links in UK English to being demanding. And I think it actually creates a demanding child if used in a certain way - the way I approached it.
Because it may denigrate the Mother's power, intuition, connection with her own self and what she wants, or would like for her child.
It may reduce the amount of input relatives are able to play in a child's early days.
What did I do?
At points of laziness and tiredness, every time Elizabeth cried, I put the nipple to her mouth.
Thus, comfort feeding was born.
When she began eating solids, she therefore happily accepted food as a form of comfort and boredom relief as well. And later, this evolved to play, TV, stories.
Not straight away, however.
When she was born, I remember noticing that before she cried for a feed, she uttered the sound 'ehoo' and I decided to feed her whenever she uttered this sound so that she would not learn to shout or scream for what she wanted.
However some problems with this psychologically:
1. She was still learning that whenever she asked what she wanted, even if politely, she would get it immediately, without question or delay.
This still set her up for shouting and screaming for what she wanted as this originates from an inability to emotionally handle not getting her way.
2. Thus she never learned patience and waiting, delaying pleasure, until much much later.
3. All this is assuming that she was crying because she was hungry which I cannot be sure of? Thus she may have learned from this to associate the breast with comfort.
On a mental level, I remember acting as a medium between the human and spiritual realms, but this exhausted me and didn't allow for me to trust the interpretations of other, non-psychic relatives and friends (and in reality, we all are psychic, just use it in different ways - every idea is psychic somehow?) I mentally asked the guides to translate for me and show me visions of why she was crying and this seemed successful but was tiring at points - I should have done it in small bursts on a higher level for emergencies only and wirked from tge heart, which would have helped me to balance and use other senses eg reading body language, listening to cries, using logic.. And generally letting others in an trusting their interpretations..
Mind you I am probably looking back too disparagingly on my efforts. I had a lot of success, learned a lot about Elizabeth, despite exhaustion and irritability at points and her becoming more attached to me because I interpreted her wants and needs better (isn't this the case with lots of Mums?) and of course I became too attached to her because I essentially felt that my expertise made me the best person to look after her.. All others were less capable and less knowledgeable.. I had to learn that parenting is natural - a book or technique is not the only thing required.
Mediumistic parenting only lasted successfully until she began to talk or make sounds that linked to words more regularly gradually fading out, oh no what really happened is that tuning in to her psychically all the time as a mother medium exgaustedxme psychologically and emotionally and I was delaying her speech development so switched it off for a few weeks or months then learned to listen to her on a purely physical level, interpreting the words she was trying to imitate.
I had been doing this when she was born too but gad eased off maybe as the psychic took over or patterns were established, I got used to interpreting certain basic cries.
What I think should happen:
The mother should decide if she feels like breastfeeding. Tuning into her body, she should ask herself, do I feel calm, comfortable, do my breasts feel full of milk or empty and dry, running low?
Some sources say that milk is supply on demand - the more baby sucks, the more milk is produced. However, this is not an excuse to keep the baby at the breast constantly. The mother needs a proper break away from baby to have a lovely meal, good sex, a massage or masturbation (perfect alone and retiming time after the birth, essential actually to help ger understand the changes her body has gone through and prepare her for sex again so she can communicate her findings to her partner, or maybe they can explore, supportively, together).
My reasoning is that a proper break, (alone time for the Mum or couple time, time with friends or at work etc) will help the Mum to FEEL GOOD which will help her milk supply to improve :-)
The power needs to rest within the mother, primarily, not the little baby.
Of course, medical monitoring is essential here and if the baby is not gaining weight and constant time at the breast helps it to gain weight then do so.
But my feeling is that a little break for Mum once or twice a day and rotas/shared parenting, (help from grannies if husbands/male partners are a bit clueless but don't let them sidle out of their duties! Be gentle and don't criticise the poor partner though, and don't overcriticise granny or Aunty either!) at night will do no harm to baby (babs).
If the mother does not feel like breastfeeding when the baby cries, try other methods of soothing first, to see if they work, eg a relative or friend, singing, playing and laughing, quiet and rest, etc. (Keep the sexual function of the nipples going, separately, if it feels right to the mother)
New thoughts - comments, questions, differing viewpoints welcome.
Once my way of feeding my daughter, and a key NHS instruction (up until 6 months of age) I now disagree with this concept, particularly from a psychological/spiritual standpoint.
Why?
Because the word 'demand' psychologically links in UK English to being demanding. And I think it actually creates a demanding child if used in a certain way - the way I approached it.
Because it may denigrate the Mother's power, intuition, connection with her own self and what she wants, or would like for her child.
It may reduce the amount of input relatives are able to play in a child's early days.
What did I do?
At points of laziness and tiredness, every time Elizabeth cried, I put the nipple to her mouth.
Thus, comfort feeding was born.
When she began eating solids, she therefore happily accepted food as a form of comfort and boredom relief as well. And later, this evolved to play, TV, stories.
Not straight away, however.
When she was born, I remember noticing that before she cried for a feed, she uttered the sound 'ehoo' and I decided to feed her whenever she uttered this sound so that she would not learn to shout or scream for what she wanted.
However some problems with this psychologically:
1. She was still learning that whenever she asked what she wanted, even if politely, she would get it immediately, without question or delay.
This still set her up for shouting and screaming for what she wanted as this originates from an inability to emotionally handle not getting her way.
2. Thus she never learned patience and waiting, delaying pleasure, until much much later.
3. All this is assuming that she was crying because she was hungry which I cannot be sure of? Thus she may have learned from this to associate the breast with comfort.
On a mental level, I remember acting as a medium between the human and spiritual realms, but this exhausted me and didn't allow for me to trust the interpretations of other, non-psychic relatives and friends (and in reality, we all are psychic, just use it in different ways - every idea is psychic somehow?) I mentally asked the guides to translate for me and show me visions of why she was crying and this seemed successful but was tiring at points - I should have done it in small bursts on a higher level for emergencies only and wirked from tge heart, which would have helped me to balance and use other senses eg reading body language, listening to cries, using logic.. And generally letting others in an trusting their interpretations..
Mind you I am probably looking back too disparagingly on my efforts. I had a lot of success, learned a lot about Elizabeth, despite exhaustion and irritability at points and her becoming more attached to me because I interpreted her wants and needs better (isn't this the case with lots of Mums?) and of course I became too attached to her because I essentially felt that my expertise made me the best person to look after her.. All others were less capable and less knowledgeable.. I had to learn that parenting is natural - a book or technique is not the only thing required.
Mediumistic parenting only lasted successfully until she began to talk or make sounds that linked to words more regularly gradually fading out, oh no what really happened is that tuning in to her psychically all the time as a mother medium exgaustedxme psychologically and emotionally and I was delaying her speech development so switched it off for a few weeks or months then learned to listen to her on a purely physical level, interpreting the words she was trying to imitate.
I had been doing this when she was born too but gad eased off maybe as the psychic took over or patterns were established, I got used to interpreting certain basic cries.
What I think should happen:
The mother should decide if she feels like breastfeeding. Tuning into her body, she should ask herself, do I feel calm, comfortable, do my breasts feel full of milk or empty and dry, running low?
Some sources say that milk is supply on demand - the more baby sucks, the more milk is produced. However, this is not an excuse to keep the baby at the breast constantly. The mother needs a proper break away from baby to have a lovely meal, good sex, a massage or masturbation (perfect alone and retiming time after the birth, essential actually to help ger understand the changes her body has gone through and prepare her for sex again so she can communicate her findings to her partner, or maybe they can explore, supportively, together).
My reasoning is that a proper break, (alone time for the Mum or couple time, time with friends or at work etc) will help the Mum to FEEL GOOD which will help her milk supply to improve :-)
The power needs to rest within the mother, primarily, not the little baby.
Of course, medical monitoring is essential here and if the baby is not gaining weight and constant time at the breast helps it to gain weight then do so.
But my feeling is that a little break for Mum once or twice a day and rotas/shared parenting, (help from grannies if husbands/male partners are a bit clueless but don't let them sidle out of their duties! Be gentle and don't criticise the poor partner though, and don't overcriticise granny or Aunty either!) at night will do no harm to baby (babs).
If the mother does not feel like breastfeeding when the baby cries, try other methods of soothing first, to see if they work, eg a relative or friend, singing, playing and laughing, quiet and rest, etc. (Keep the sexual function of the nipples going, separately, if it feels right to the mother)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)