Revelations, Great Learning, Gratitudes!
Today I have begun once more my long-held greatest ambition, great dream, my quest, my adventure of learning EVERYTHING there is to learn!
I am probably very overdrawn right now! But actually what I'm seeing and feeling is that if I keep devoting my time to learning from the free texts that I have in my home - my own and my family's extensive pre-existing book collections - and on the internet, then I will be very very happy and not spending money on shopping!!
I do still want to buy fabric to turn my favourite 11 year old top into a T-Shirt dress though with rainbows, sequins a wavy/curly tiered skirt and my own mandala design...I could Indian-style all my vests with heart mandalas and sequins...
Anyway back to the learning goal... Mind you hang on, embroidery, haberdashery - they're learning curves too! Learning new sewing techniques!
Language
I found an AMAZING website dedicated to the evolution of language. I CANNOT thank the creator Lawrence Lo enough!
It's so gracious, so benevolent and kind to put all that knowledge out there in a friendly (very important in a world where healing academic arrogance has been happening), easy to read and so easy to search through, see and compare format!
I could easily trace the history of the letters of my own name, phenomenally, back to letters borrowed from Egyptian hieroglyphs!
It is so cool that the first letter of my name comes directly (almost) from an Egyptian picture of a snake! (I have had to really understand and heal the snake in me, and I am a moon -in-Scorpio. The Native American correspondent for Scorpio is the snake, I believe).
I also love that the letter M links to that zig zag picture of water! Since my teens I have often seen the letter M as blue! In Music, Mozart, Matt, Maths, Mouth, perhaps Mother...Ok it started when we had a blue textbook for music but if my subconscious had disliked the correlation back then, it might have rejected it! Maybe...
My goal, as once proudly told to the primary conductor Lionel Friend at Birmingham Conservatoire, has long been to learn every language in the world. I abandoned this in motherhood, stuck at home all the time, but actually, it's crazy, but I think I just might do it!
I think I actually could achieve it! If I live to... 80 or 100. Maybe even sooner! Of course, there are many dead languages. Languages we've yet to discover, or interpret.
So far I have French, intermediate Japanese and German, beginners' Spanish, Italian, Latin, Polish, Finnish, Urdu... I feel confident that my Finnish and German will improve soon - I have lots of German resources gathered right now! One day I'll learn more Russian and definitely more Urdu, translating to Hindi and Arabic. I have recently been revising and extending my knowledge of Japanese too. One day I shall learn Chinese too! And I have to learn Korean for when I can finally afford to visit dear old Dean! I do want to learn Gaelic, Welsh and Manx...Belgian...Hungarian...
Physics
I finally bought Brian Cox's the Quantum Universe! I am so happy and am so looking forward to reading it and to catching up on his programmes on iPlayer/You Tube if I can find them!
I really want to master Physics. Particularly Quantum Physics and anything that helps me learn the scientific evidence or names for chakras, the levels of the aura, where they exist (in a temporary or permanent dimension? A dimension where we create them or do they actually exist in this dimension as permanent fields of energy?)
Where do the spirit guides and angels come from? Where do they live? Are they in physical form somewhere in the universe, projecting or communicating telepathically? Or are they floating around? Do they exist in a more constant state, as they are telling me now, some beings who are talking to me are telling me that they co exist with their friends and colleagues happily in another dimension?
I am beginning, slowly, to believe that they may not have physical bodies in current existence, unless some of the guides or companions are coma patients who travel. I like that idea and have done for years.
I'm not bats. I firmly know only one thing in this area - that beings talk to me and help me daily, have done for at least 5 years. I know for definite that a lot of, if not all, the communication I receive is from them - I really don't believe that my unconscious brain can create unique conversations or communications to my conscious self, while I am already totally focused on another task, on its own!
Maybe others can train their brain to do that but not me - purely because I don't want to.
I do often get a phenomena where my worries and fears or other thoughts are echoed back to me. The guides precipitate this but I realised that hearing my own negative thoughts echoed back wasn't helpful so I asked the guides to stop teaching me that way and eventually they did.
This coincided with me learning on the earth plane that teaching a child through negative example was spiritually wrong and not helpful, emotionally and mentally unhelpful and damaging.
Example, a child grabs a toy. The parent grabs the toy back saying, 'I'll grab from you and see how you like it!' This is a common parenting technique from my hometown and probably elsewhere but it doesn't work in the long run unless you do it playfully, as a joke, pretending to be a baby for example and making baby noises and the child finds it funny.
Over and out now it's late, I'm losing my trail of thought!!!
Friday, 30 December 2011
Saturday, 24 December 2011
On Sir Isaac Newton's birthday - Great Holistic Thinkers and me...
Sir Isaac Newton's birthday eh?
Such hidden depths about him that I didn't know about! A father of the basis for modern unified sound and colour healing techniques. (I suspect the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians and others before may have done similar things, haven't read up on it yet though).
Did you know that, according to Wiki, he decided to separate the rainbow into seven colours because there were seven notes in the musical scale, seven days in the week, etc? And he actually assigned a note of the Dorian scale to each colour! This is what many modern sound healers do with the Ionian/Major scale! (Although I myself prefer to be more flexible in my approach).
He was a holistic thinker, as was Einstein. This, of course, was not taught in school. More and more, I find that the great masters and mistresses who made great scientific discoveries or inventions, created new paradigms and methods of classification etc., may not have achieved these discoveries and inventions through science alone! Neither purely through maths! They didn't use a purely logical approach - the intuition, inspiration and creativity were important to them!
My feeling is that the greatest thinkers of our time, the ones that truly change history, are the ones who think broadly. Are multi-disciplinary. Are not afraid to think outside of the box. Are not afraid of change! Are holistic and balanced.. On all levels.
I really aspire to be like them. I feel so similar to Einstein. For ages I have felt, I don't have the intellectual and computational capacity to be as good as he. And maybe that's true. But maybe I could also develop my intuition and positive thinking, and that would stimulate my intellect, my ability in science and maths... I used to love physics and quadratic equations but chose creative and linguistic subjects at A Level, choosing to use my maths and science skills in Computing..Maybe there's still time. I do like quantum physics.
Such hidden depths about him that I didn't know about! A father of the basis for modern unified sound and colour healing techniques. (I suspect the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians and others before may have done similar things, haven't read up on it yet though).
Did you know that, according to Wiki, he decided to separate the rainbow into seven colours because there were seven notes in the musical scale, seven days in the week, etc? And he actually assigned a note of the Dorian scale to each colour! This is what many modern sound healers do with the Ionian/Major scale! (Although I myself prefer to be more flexible in my approach).
He was a holistic thinker, as was Einstein. This, of course, was not taught in school. More and more, I find that the great masters and mistresses who made great scientific discoveries or inventions, created new paradigms and methods of classification etc., may not have achieved these discoveries and inventions through science alone! Neither purely through maths! They didn't use a purely logical approach - the intuition, inspiration and creativity were important to them!
My feeling is that the greatest thinkers of our time, the ones that truly change history, are the ones who think broadly. Are multi-disciplinary. Are not afraid to think outside of the box. Are not afraid of change! Are holistic and balanced.. On all levels.
I really aspire to be like them. I feel so similar to Einstein. For ages I have felt, I don't have the intellectual and computational capacity to be as good as he. And maybe that's true. But maybe I could also develop my intuition and positive thinking, and that would stimulate my intellect, my ability in science and maths... I used to love physics and quadratic equations but chose creative and linguistic subjects at A Level, choosing to use my maths and science skills in Computing..Maybe there's still time. I do like quantum physics.
Saturday, 10 December 2011
I Know Saying 'I Love You' Is Ok: A Return to Rumi, Hafiz, and Sirius
You Melted My Heart
With just one glance, you melted my heart! One glance of love, pure love.
Sympathy, understanding, beauty, wisdom! You are beautiful!
And suddenly, I no longer felt alone.
I don't know your name, but suddenly, on that cold morning in Derby, I felt loved. Connected. Understood. Valued. No longer alone.
My heart stirred. Warmth seeped in!
I remembered, with tears, love long gone by. The pain of the last 10 months. The one(s) I loved so deeply, bore my soul to - so open. I confessed my deepest love and it was platonic, it really was.
I called you my soulmate and I meant it.
Finally I had found someone like me.
And of course, I have found many soulmates in the course of my life.
Most of them, I still love. I still think of them as soulmates. I still try (often in vain, with little response, to my heart's pain), to keep in touch.
What is a soulmate? I used to think, to know that they were for life. Then I gave up trying to keep in touch. Maybe I was wrong, I thought. Maybe people had to move on and drift apart. Maybe I needed to finally make new friends, closer to home...
And I have. I am.
But at what cost?
Could I make up with...Angel star; merlin, my wise, beloved sage; moon goddess, who taught me the worship and respect of another's body and sanctuary; fire child, who truly challenged me; my beautiful lamb, who I've tried so hard not to miss; the funky one, who played with me; wood mage, the one who first took me walking in the thundery summer rain; star child, the one who showed me his beautiful music; sun man, whose sparkling eyes twinkle to me even now in my head...
There are many more.
I have been so, deeply hurt by Merlin.
I have become afraid of love again.
As the light of silver opens me up once again, once more I write poetry, I am open to the deepest, deepest love of all others whose lives I have touched, and still touch. I am open to forgiveness. Through poetry and painting, maybe once more I can show people I truly love them.
Maybe I can truly show that it is platonic. Maybe there will be no repercussions this time.
I begin to trust the spiritual guides again. I begin to open up to ancient wisdom. The star meditation is for me first... I needed it! A beautiful star of origin. Of progress. Of hope. Of ascension. Of returning to me. But even better. With greater clarity I express my love. I acknowledge my love, my loss, my hurt, my pain, my longing, my need, my desire...my joy, my innate forgiveness, my desire to express.
And I will speak. With wisdom, with clarity, with honesty, with love, with gentleness, with construction, with truth. With poetry.
With just one glance, you melted my heart! One glance of love, pure love.
Sympathy, understanding, beauty, wisdom! You are beautiful!
And suddenly, I no longer felt alone.
I don't know your name, but suddenly, on that cold morning in Derby, I felt loved. Connected. Understood. Valued. No longer alone.
My heart stirred. Warmth seeped in!
I remembered, with tears, love long gone by. The pain of the last 10 months. The one(s) I loved so deeply, bore my soul to - so open. I confessed my deepest love and it was platonic, it really was.
I called you my soulmate and I meant it.
Finally I had found someone like me.
And of course, I have found many soulmates in the course of my life.
Most of them, I still love. I still think of them as soulmates. I still try (often in vain, with little response, to my heart's pain), to keep in touch.
What is a soulmate? I used to think, to know that they were for life. Then I gave up trying to keep in touch. Maybe I was wrong, I thought. Maybe people had to move on and drift apart. Maybe I needed to finally make new friends, closer to home...
And I have. I am.
But at what cost?
Could I make up with...Angel star; merlin, my wise, beloved sage; moon goddess, who taught me the worship and respect of another's body and sanctuary; fire child, who truly challenged me; my beautiful lamb, who I've tried so hard not to miss; the funky one, who played with me; wood mage, the one who first took me walking in the thundery summer rain; star child, the one who showed me his beautiful music; sun man, whose sparkling eyes twinkle to me even now in my head...
There are many more.
I have been so, deeply hurt by Merlin.
I have become afraid of love again.
As the light of silver opens me up once again, once more I write poetry, I am open to the deepest, deepest love of all others whose lives I have touched, and still touch. I am open to forgiveness. Through poetry and painting, maybe once more I can show people I truly love them.
Maybe I can truly show that it is platonic. Maybe there will be no repercussions this time.
I begin to trust the spiritual guides again. I begin to open up to ancient wisdom. The star meditation is for me first... I needed it! A beautiful star of origin. Of progress. Of hope. Of ascension. Of returning to me. But even better. With greater clarity I express my love. I acknowledge my love, my loss, my hurt, my pain, my longing, my need, my desire...my joy, my innate forgiveness, my desire to express.
And I will speak. With wisdom, with clarity, with honesty, with love, with gentleness, with construction, with truth. With poetry.
A Glorious Sunrise!
This morning:
The most beautiful yellow-orange in the glowing sunrise! Perfect. The perfect shade between.
Indigos; bright, neon-peach; calming cyan and a pastel yellow... Smoky indigo clouds and near-purple up above...
That beautiful, calming and uplifting intertwining of that wonderful pale yellow at the horizon, and the pale cyan fading into pale blue...
The absolute glory of those peach-rose-orange streaks, gleaming in the light...orange-yellow stark, proud, confident, yet angelic...
In the sunrise and sunset we see colours that are so hard to recreate ourselves! Unique blendings - two-tone or three-tone colours that we cannot simply divide into dull sections of Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.
Will there be a time when we redefine the rainbow? Teach our children true chromaticism and colour description? People are amazed thaty daughter, at under 2, could distinguish purple from pink; turquoise from blue... Yet I see it as a gift to her. That knowledge, at an age where every word we taught her stayed marvellously in her memory without need for repetition, was a gift to her! The gift of knowledge, of description, of poetry in words! The gift of discernment, for, if we know the words to describe something, we are more able to see and remember it! Maybe. The word is the death of the thing? The word is also the creation of the thing. The weaving of the magic! The sprinkling of the glitter, the icing on the cake.
Below, here on earth we have green. Purple, violet, pink. Plain orange. Pure, clearly defined colours in our flowers. To our eyes unless we look further... When the sun begins to rise or set, our flowers, grass and hillsides, seas, are imbued with a tint, a new colour!
And deeper, what colours do we see beneath our feet, in the bosom of the earth?
Unique to our glorious caverns and earthly rocks (and maybe on a few fish and birds etc. ;-) ) is gold, silver, peacock ore - the glorious metallic shades! Colours in rocks and gemstones are transparent, or mottled, or striped! The flash of a peacock's feather is a sight glorious and mystical to behold. A kingfisher, a mallard, a magpie... Shining in the sun!
The beautiful thing about a sunrise is that it grows and grows in splendour and light! One cannot help but feel sad when, at sunset, that glowing beauty disappears below the horizon, saying its final farewell! Although of course, it gives way to stars, moon, planets, maybe even aurora borealis...
Hello sunrise! Hello world! I'm glad to meet you today! Hello Derby!
I think I'm going to do more Winter early rising, watching the sunset, going for a run, recording bird song and notating it...Watching the beautiful frosts and ice formed!
The most beautiful yellow-orange in the glowing sunrise! Perfect. The perfect shade between.
Indigos; bright, neon-peach; calming cyan and a pastel yellow... Smoky indigo clouds and near-purple up above...
That beautiful, calming and uplifting intertwining of that wonderful pale yellow at the horizon, and the pale cyan fading into pale blue...
The absolute glory of those peach-rose-orange streaks, gleaming in the light...orange-yellow stark, proud, confident, yet angelic...
In the sunrise and sunset we see colours that are so hard to recreate ourselves! Unique blendings - two-tone or three-tone colours that we cannot simply divide into dull sections of Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.
Will there be a time when we redefine the rainbow? Teach our children true chromaticism and colour description? People are amazed thaty daughter, at under 2, could distinguish purple from pink; turquoise from blue... Yet I see it as a gift to her. That knowledge, at an age where every word we taught her stayed marvellously in her memory without need for repetition, was a gift to her! The gift of knowledge, of description, of poetry in words! The gift of discernment, for, if we know the words to describe something, we are more able to see and remember it! Maybe. The word is the death of the thing? The word is also the creation of the thing. The weaving of the magic! The sprinkling of the glitter, the icing on the cake.
Below, here on earth we have green. Purple, violet, pink. Plain orange. Pure, clearly defined colours in our flowers. To our eyes unless we look further... When the sun begins to rise or set, our flowers, grass and hillsides, seas, are imbued with a tint, a new colour!
And deeper, what colours do we see beneath our feet, in the bosom of the earth?
Unique to our glorious caverns and earthly rocks (and maybe on a few fish and birds etc. ;-) ) is gold, silver, peacock ore - the glorious metallic shades! Colours in rocks and gemstones are transparent, or mottled, or striped! The flash of a peacock's feather is a sight glorious and mystical to behold. A kingfisher, a mallard, a magpie... Shining in the sun!
The beautiful thing about a sunrise is that it grows and grows in splendour and light! One cannot help but feel sad when, at sunset, that glowing beauty disappears below the horizon, saying its final farewell! Although of course, it gives way to stars, moon, planets, maybe even aurora borealis...
Hello sunrise! Hello world! I'm glad to meet you today! Hello Derby!
I think I'm going to do more Winter early rising, watching the sunset, going for a run, recording bird song and notating it...Watching the beautiful frosts and ice formed!
Friday, 2 December 2011
Yayness! I Can Celebrate!
Yay I have healthy kidneys!
No cysts at all (I was expecting one to be riddled with cysts, or to have one big one like Mum or Dad!)
No gallstones!
My left is bigger than my right, which corresponds with my left boob, hand, and foot being bigger than the right ones.
Yay I've paid my BT debt!
I can soon pay my debt to Mum!
Next stage - overdraft repayment!
Detox and diet! Let's get that urinary tract free from blood!
And lose some weight in time for Christmas!
I want to improve my bone and vein health too with happy vegetables and fruit!
No more spot scars!
Lots of sleep and meditation when I need it!
And maybe after all this, I can donate! Yay!
Once my debts are all paid, I've detoxed and lost weight, I think it will be time to donate that kidney!
During this time I'll keep working and preparing for more serious work later on. I have so many little projects and it's all beginning to become clear that they're all linked. All destining me for something.. I don't know what! It might be different to how I imagined!
Working in a one to one healing context, but also a Sound Healing group or choir, working in hospitals, writing articles and poems, drawing and painting, giving lectures and writing articles in many different languages (I want my website to be readable all over the world), designing a meditation app, CDs, lots of exciting things!
Actually designing my own meditations now! That's so exciting!
I had felt so guilty that the guides were giving me ideas different from my teacher when I'd been asked to stick to my assignment brief. Now I have a reason to be new!Different!
The next stage? Better? I don't want to sound arrogant and think of myself as better, but maybe progression in spiritual ideas is inevitable - it's been happening since the dawn of time after all!
So what does my unique technique, my unique approach to healing, spiritual teaching, meditation and visualisation practice have to offer?
No cysts at all (I was expecting one to be riddled with cysts, or to have one big one like Mum or Dad!)
No gallstones!
My left is bigger than my right, which corresponds with my left boob, hand, and foot being bigger than the right ones.
Yay I've paid my BT debt!
I can soon pay my debt to Mum!
Next stage - overdraft repayment!
Detox and diet! Let's get that urinary tract free from blood!
And lose some weight in time for Christmas!
I want to improve my bone and vein health too with happy vegetables and fruit!
No more spot scars!
Lots of sleep and meditation when I need it!
And maybe after all this, I can donate! Yay!
Once my debts are all paid, I've detoxed and lost weight, I think it will be time to donate that kidney!
During this time I'll keep working and preparing for more serious work later on. I have so many little projects and it's all beginning to become clear that they're all linked. All destining me for something.. I don't know what! It might be different to how I imagined!
Working in a one to one healing context, but also a Sound Healing group or choir, working in hospitals, writing articles and poems, drawing and painting, giving lectures and writing articles in many different languages (I want my website to be readable all over the world), designing a meditation app, CDs, lots of exciting things!
Actually designing my own meditations now! That's so exciting!
I had felt so guilty that the guides were giving me ideas different from my teacher when I'd been asked to stick to my assignment brief. Now I have a reason to be new!Different!
The next stage? Better? I don't want to sound arrogant and think of myself as better, but maybe progression in spiritual ideas is inevitable - it's been happening since the dawn of time after all!
So what does my unique technique, my unique approach to healing, spiritual teaching, meditation and visualisation practice have to offer?
Saturday, 26 November 2011
'I instinctively knew that the miracle of manipulating energy and tapping into an infinite source of power and harnessing it in a small space with your friends was what I had been put on this earth to do'
Inspiring, magical! Thank you Anthony Kiedis for sharing your wonderful story with us in your autobiography 'Scar Tissue'.
I knew there was a reason I like certain bands more than others - I really think I'm going to discover that the bands I like the most are divinely, or magically inspired somehow.
This post is part of a divinely guided (I feel) project of mine to find Sirian or ancient, stellar wisdom in the work of my favourite celebrities.
For years I have tried to brush off my attraction to certain celebrities. After all, I'm not a teenager anymore! Yet as the fiery lust of my teen years has dwindled and as I have begun to think about attraction along different lines, I have begun to think - the sheer magnetism, the soul connection I feel with my favourite celebrities: what if, were we ever to meet, we actually really got on with each other? Were peas in a pod, soulmates?
Of course I would never want to freak them out, appear like an obsessive fan (I freak enough people out in my personal life with the soulmate thing - sadly, some people can't handle the depth and magnitude of the amount of love that we can feel, platonically, for another - when will humankind wake up? You don't actually need drugs or booze to feel that power or express it either!)
Inspiring, magical! Thank you Anthony Kiedis for sharing your wonderful story with us in your autobiography 'Scar Tissue'.
I knew there was a reason I like certain bands more than others - I really think I'm going to discover that the bands I like the most are divinely, or magically inspired somehow.
This post is part of a divinely guided (I feel) project of mine to find Sirian or ancient, stellar wisdom in the work of my favourite celebrities.
For years I have tried to brush off my attraction to certain celebrities. After all, I'm not a teenager anymore! Yet as the fiery lust of my teen years has dwindled and as I have begun to think about attraction along different lines, I have begun to think - the sheer magnetism, the soul connection I feel with my favourite celebrities: what if, were we ever to meet, we actually really got on with each other? Were peas in a pod, soulmates?
Of course I would never want to freak them out, appear like an obsessive fan (I freak enough people out in my personal life with the soulmate thing - sadly, some people can't handle the depth and magnitude of the amount of love that we can feel, platonically, for another - when will humankind wake up? You don't actually need drugs or booze to feel that power or express it either!)
Thursday, 24 November 2011
Vocal Range - Some Thoughts
Looking at my new All Woman Jazz book, the tessitura or vocal range of the songs is from E below middle C to top Eb (two octaves).
If I were to look at a Soprano compilation book, the range would probably be from G below middle C to top C or even D or above (just over 2 octaves, but set higher).
Why?
-Do jazz ladies sing lower than other lady singers because more jazz singers smoke?
-Are jazz singers more relaxed because of their enhanced creative freedom, thus enabling lower notes to flow?
-Are jazz songs lower cos they're traditionally sung by men?
-Can black ladies sing lower for some reason?
Eg. were white ladies more likely to be classically trained, and did classical training teach ladies that 'low notes are for the boys'?
-Is the Classical industry infused with glass ceilings of gender stereotypes, pigeon holes that don't suit, thus someone decided that all women should only sing from G and above, regardless of their individual range?
-Did the invention of electronically amplified sound (ie the microphone) enable previously quiet lower notes in ladies to be heard better?
Hmmm!
A friend has said to me that when we train classically, our range can get smaller. I silently didn't like this idea and now, I have decided I openly disagree with it.
I have a radical theory.
I think that in the classical industry, a singer is sometimes forced or encouraged into pigeon-holing themselves to a particular vocal category.
An assessment is made once someone is of a certain age and training level, to determine which box a singer fits into: soprano, mezzo soprano or alto?
And later, coloratura soprano, dramatic soprano, lyric soprano, soubrette, etc. etc.
I have thought to myself, what box do I fit into?
I decided I must be a lyric soprano because I can sing up to a top C (and an Eat a push), and down to an E below middle C (or a C at a push). 3 1/2 octaves when I work at range extension.
One teacher though I was a mezzo soprano. Another firmly rejected this. So I got the idea that to be a mezzo was a bad thing, underselling myself, denying myself top notes. And I feel this may have been right at the time - I had a residual complex about singing high back then and I am glad I went along the soprano path now.
My current thoughts are this:
I feel that it is important for all ladies to develop their top notes - to try and use the soprano tessitura as far as they comfortably can. BUT, I feel that the soprano repertoire doesn't cater for ladies' lower ranges adequately. I feel that it denies ladies lower notes that they might have.
Is this a feminist issue?
Do even altos and mezzos have enough lower notes written into music for them?
Maybe in the acoustic environment of Classical music, the lower notes wouldn't carry as far. But if they were developed?
Still, for me Jazz music is now very important as it is the one genre, providing the song is in a low key, that truly enables me to use a half of my voice that I just couldn't in the Classical arena.
I often somewhat guiltily sing mezzo songs and arias, (how can I list myself as a soprano AND mezzo soprano?) but it's just not been enough..
Good old jazz :-)
I am going to cast away fears that developing my low too much will reduce my top.
I bet I CAN have it all and sing as high as I could when I was a kid maybe, but as low as an adult too...
And I feel men should do the same!
If I were to look at a Soprano compilation book, the range would probably be from G below middle C to top C or even D or above (just over 2 octaves, but set higher).
Why?
-Do jazz ladies sing lower than other lady singers because more jazz singers smoke?
-Are jazz singers more relaxed because of their enhanced creative freedom, thus enabling lower notes to flow?
-Are jazz songs lower cos they're traditionally sung by men?
-Can black ladies sing lower for some reason?
Eg. were white ladies more likely to be classically trained, and did classical training teach ladies that 'low notes are for the boys'?
-Is the Classical industry infused with glass ceilings of gender stereotypes, pigeon holes that don't suit, thus someone decided that all women should only sing from G and above, regardless of their individual range?
-Did the invention of electronically amplified sound (ie the microphone) enable previously quiet lower notes in ladies to be heard better?
Hmmm!
A friend has said to me that when we train classically, our range can get smaller. I silently didn't like this idea and now, I have decided I openly disagree with it.
I have a radical theory.
I think that in the classical industry, a singer is sometimes forced or encouraged into pigeon-holing themselves to a particular vocal category.
An assessment is made once someone is of a certain age and training level, to determine which box a singer fits into: soprano, mezzo soprano or alto?
And later, coloratura soprano, dramatic soprano, lyric soprano, soubrette, etc. etc.
I have thought to myself, what box do I fit into?
I decided I must be a lyric soprano because I can sing up to a top C (and an Eat a push), and down to an E below middle C (or a C at a push). 3 1/2 octaves when I work at range extension.
One teacher though I was a mezzo soprano. Another firmly rejected this. So I got the idea that to be a mezzo was a bad thing, underselling myself, denying myself top notes. And I feel this may have been right at the time - I had a residual complex about singing high back then and I am glad I went along the soprano path now.
My current thoughts are this:
I feel that it is important for all ladies to develop their top notes - to try and use the soprano tessitura as far as they comfortably can. BUT, I feel that the soprano repertoire doesn't cater for ladies' lower ranges adequately. I feel that it denies ladies lower notes that they might have.
Is this a feminist issue?
Do even altos and mezzos have enough lower notes written into music for them?
Maybe in the acoustic environment of Classical music, the lower notes wouldn't carry as far. But if they were developed?
Still, for me Jazz music is now very important as it is the one genre, providing the song is in a low key, that truly enables me to use a half of my voice that I just couldn't in the Classical arena.
I often somewhat guiltily sing mezzo songs and arias, (how can I list myself as a soprano AND mezzo soprano?) but it's just not been enough..
Good old jazz :-)
I am going to cast away fears that developing my low too much will reduce my top.
I bet I CAN have it all and sing as high as I could when I was a kid maybe, but as low as an adult too...
And I feel men should do the same!
Life and Death - Oh how cheerful!!
Life and Death: A Cheerful Blog!!
Eva Cassidy, Nina Simone, Jeff Buckley, Wolfy Mozart: the world's greatest musicians? Yet they died too young.
The thought came to me yesterday all of a sudden as I struggled to focus myself into compiling a short set list: the songs I felt I must learn, my favourite artists, all died too young.
But did they? If they'd continued to live, would their work have become more and more brilliant, or would it have dwindled in quality a little, as the work of some bands has once they find chart success? Chart success seeming to influence a band in the way of writing popular tunes, mellowing a little somehow.
Or am I being negative or cynical?
Neil Hannon, Matt Bellamy, Björk, after all, are still with us. Bach lived a long life, as did Purcell? Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye...some, if not all, members of RHCP, Smashing Pumpkins.
This comforts me a little.
But I cannot help reflecting on my own life. My talents. What I have to give. When I was young, I had a distinct sense that I would live until I was 70-80 at least, and would try to live longer. I had a distinct feeling that I wanted to, and would marry and have kids young-ish: at the age of about 26, I decided.
Well it ended up being at the age of 24, so I was close. Too young, I now feel but we always look back with regret don't we, it's no use however - I can't change the past and probably couldn't have done if I even went back myself and tried to persuade my wilful past self differently!
But... Why do I feel that I might die young?
Having my handbag stolen by that scary angry man (who looked like he had far more money than me - he could obviously afford to finance his weight-lifting hobby the b***) shocked me. It made me feel vulnerable. Words from 2 weeks prior rang in my ears: to protect me, that my naïveté was almost childlike, that I had to be careful. I felt they were wrong. I felt that if we open our hearts to complete love and trust of humanity, if we look for the seed of good in all others, we will be safe and the angels will help us with this. So the handbag theft, a shock, felt like it was proving her right.
Since then, my attempts to protect myself have dwindled. It was too stressful putting all my energy in to clutching my handbag tight, looking for my possessions all the time. Maybe the angels were even starting to protect or guide me again, now my crown chakra was more open and I was consciously accepting universal help?
And guess what: I lost my handbag again. Was it stolen? I don't know. I didn't even notice where it left me - on the train or in a station?
I don't want to put all my energy into protecting myself, running away, hiding, eating healthily, trying really hard not to spend any money. So I can see that angels or guides might not want to either.
I just want to be. To be myself. I want to be able to sit on the bus and listen to music, play with my phone, without fear of becoming a victim. I don't want to let them beat me.
Donating a kidney... My ex has made me scared again. He would be the only person to say this. He says I have the rest of my life ahead of me, something to live for. Why did him saying that make me feel the opposite? Brought out feelings that I don't have long left. That I have to give and give and give in case I donate a kidney and it kills me.
I do feel that way. I have been living for today for a long time, with no clear vision of the future.
I have been suppressed for so long - your time will come, be patient, don't start to heal others before you're ready, too many people start before their ready, out of their own need rather than the needs of others.
This still makes me cross and now the added idea that I might die any day makes me feel that I must do as much as I can, give as much of my wisdom to the world as possible, before I demise.
Except I now feel I have little of any use to give. I'm just doing it for myself, for my own pleasure, for money. Kind of.
I've lost the sense of my specialness. I don't feel special or unique, world-changing or world-shaping anymore. I don't feel like I have something to give that no-one else could possible give, which fuels me on, to go on living because only I can give it, only I can save the world so that's why I have to keep on living - to save others.
Meditation, Time, Control
We're nearing 2012 and even traditionally sceptical me is beginning to think that something special, an acceleration, might happen. Things are certainly changing bloody quickly in my life!
Christ, I've moved house 3 times in 12 months. Acquired some cats, then had to let them go, hopefully to a better home. Endured marriage break-up, my first flea infestation, gone from looking after my babe 5 days a week to 2 days a week (now increased to 3, maybe 4 hopefully). Gone back to singing and try as I might, I can't just focus on Classical and Baroque. I am just too pulled in the direction of pop, indie, jazz, blues...I've missed it all so much! I spent my degree and postgraduate degree focusing mainly on classical vocal styles and that left me with no time to follow popular musical progression, or even listen to instrumental music.
And I have never fully understood the history of the blues - high school and GCSE education taught me the words, the dates, all about slave emancipation, apartheid etc. but I don't feel I truly understand it all, deep in my heart.
So I am learning to sing a blues scale. To bend blue notes. To identify a blues song by ear and sight, from among all the jazz standards and from among other popular songs in all traditions, and parallels in music from other cultures.
I think I can sing a Lydian scale now! Yay! I never thought I would ever learn the modes. I never thought that I would ever have the brain capacity to extend my knowledge of music theory beyond Grade 5.
Maybe that's it!
I feel guilty - I've spent so long training to be a healer so why an I do eager to gain all these skills I've never had the chance to gain?
I've been advised to focus on just one or two things but I actually can't. Although after that advice, I have found a bit more focus - I've let a few things be until I get others in place.
Secret ambitions?
-Grade 5-8 Piano - Rockschool or ABRSM?
-GCSE German
-Counselling Qualification
-Healing Course - so I have a stable healing technique and structure that I can actually cure others' physical ailments with (yes we're not allowed to promise a cure but we should bloody try otherwise what's the point in being called a healer?!!)
-To Sing and Recognise all the Modes and Jazzy scales from memory in a variety of contexts.
-To bring the beautiful music of Jeff Buckley, Eva Cassidy, Nina Simone, Matt Bellamy and Neil Hannon to my friends, family and audience, and to sing them just for sheer fun! And balls-out experience!
-To work out how to help and cure people who can't sing in tune!
At least I am feeling more positive after writing this. I feel more content about being in the present, not worrying about how long I live. Just being. I wasn't going to post this - I have been trying to reduce the amount of my negative detritus I put out on the www, but a ghostly being has suggested I should.
I want to put more spiritually inspiring and perfect stuff out there but there's so much of it already! No one talks about the troubles we encounter along the spiritual path. Maybe I'm the only one who finds it hard? No? The email I had from a healer teacher the other day really upset me. They obviously weren't totally aligned or whatever.
I do hope these articles help people anyway. In the sense of finding someone else out there who has troubles from time to time - a life that isn't always perfect.
I will try and write about some perfect times this week too! To balance it out.
Eva Cassidy, Nina Simone, Jeff Buckley, Wolfy Mozart: the world's greatest musicians? Yet they died too young.
The thought came to me yesterday all of a sudden as I struggled to focus myself into compiling a short set list: the songs I felt I must learn, my favourite artists, all died too young.
But did they? If they'd continued to live, would their work have become more and more brilliant, or would it have dwindled in quality a little, as the work of some bands has once they find chart success? Chart success seeming to influence a band in the way of writing popular tunes, mellowing a little somehow.
Or am I being negative or cynical?
Neil Hannon, Matt Bellamy, Björk, after all, are still with us. Bach lived a long life, as did Purcell? Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye...some, if not all, members of RHCP, Smashing Pumpkins.
This comforts me a little.
But I cannot help reflecting on my own life. My talents. What I have to give. When I was young, I had a distinct sense that I would live until I was 70-80 at least, and would try to live longer. I had a distinct feeling that I wanted to, and would marry and have kids young-ish: at the age of about 26, I decided.
Well it ended up being at the age of 24, so I was close. Too young, I now feel but we always look back with regret don't we, it's no use however - I can't change the past and probably couldn't have done if I even went back myself and tried to persuade my wilful past self differently!
But... Why do I feel that I might die young?
Having my handbag stolen by that scary angry man (who looked like he had far more money than me - he could obviously afford to finance his weight-lifting hobby the b***) shocked me. It made me feel vulnerable. Words from 2 weeks prior rang in my ears: to protect me, that my naïveté was almost childlike, that I had to be careful. I felt they were wrong. I felt that if we open our hearts to complete love and trust of humanity, if we look for the seed of good in all others, we will be safe and the angels will help us with this. So the handbag theft, a shock, felt like it was proving her right.
Since then, my attempts to protect myself have dwindled. It was too stressful putting all my energy in to clutching my handbag tight, looking for my possessions all the time. Maybe the angels were even starting to protect or guide me again, now my crown chakra was more open and I was consciously accepting universal help?
And guess what: I lost my handbag again. Was it stolen? I don't know. I didn't even notice where it left me - on the train or in a station?
I don't want to put all my energy into protecting myself, running away, hiding, eating healthily, trying really hard not to spend any money. So I can see that angels or guides might not want to either.
I just want to be. To be myself. I want to be able to sit on the bus and listen to music, play with my phone, without fear of becoming a victim. I don't want to let them beat me.
Donating a kidney... My ex has made me scared again. He would be the only person to say this. He says I have the rest of my life ahead of me, something to live for. Why did him saying that make me feel the opposite? Brought out feelings that I don't have long left. That I have to give and give and give in case I donate a kidney and it kills me.
I do feel that way. I have been living for today for a long time, with no clear vision of the future.
I have been suppressed for so long - your time will come, be patient, don't start to heal others before you're ready, too many people start before their ready, out of their own need rather than the needs of others.
This still makes me cross and now the added idea that I might die any day makes me feel that I must do as much as I can, give as much of my wisdom to the world as possible, before I demise.
Except I now feel I have little of any use to give. I'm just doing it for myself, for my own pleasure, for money. Kind of.
I've lost the sense of my specialness. I don't feel special or unique, world-changing or world-shaping anymore. I don't feel like I have something to give that no-one else could possible give, which fuels me on, to go on living because only I can give it, only I can save the world so that's why I have to keep on living - to save others.
Meditation, Time, Control
We're nearing 2012 and even traditionally sceptical me is beginning to think that something special, an acceleration, might happen. Things are certainly changing bloody quickly in my life!
Christ, I've moved house 3 times in 12 months. Acquired some cats, then had to let them go, hopefully to a better home. Endured marriage break-up, my first flea infestation, gone from looking after my babe 5 days a week to 2 days a week (now increased to 3, maybe 4 hopefully). Gone back to singing and try as I might, I can't just focus on Classical and Baroque. I am just too pulled in the direction of pop, indie, jazz, blues...I've missed it all so much! I spent my degree and postgraduate degree focusing mainly on classical vocal styles and that left me with no time to follow popular musical progression, or even listen to instrumental music.
And I have never fully understood the history of the blues - high school and GCSE education taught me the words, the dates, all about slave emancipation, apartheid etc. but I don't feel I truly understand it all, deep in my heart.
So I am learning to sing a blues scale. To bend blue notes. To identify a blues song by ear and sight, from among all the jazz standards and from among other popular songs in all traditions, and parallels in music from other cultures.
I think I can sing a Lydian scale now! Yay! I never thought I would ever learn the modes. I never thought that I would ever have the brain capacity to extend my knowledge of music theory beyond Grade 5.
Maybe that's it!
I feel guilty - I've spent so long training to be a healer so why an I do eager to gain all these skills I've never had the chance to gain?
I've been advised to focus on just one or two things but I actually can't. Although after that advice, I have found a bit more focus - I've let a few things be until I get others in place.
Secret ambitions?
-Grade 5-8 Piano - Rockschool or ABRSM?
-GCSE German
-Counselling Qualification
-Healing Course - so I have a stable healing technique and structure that I can actually cure others' physical ailments with (yes we're not allowed to promise a cure but we should bloody try otherwise what's the point in being called a healer?!!)
-To Sing and Recognise all the Modes and Jazzy scales from memory in a variety of contexts.
-To bring the beautiful music of Jeff Buckley, Eva Cassidy, Nina Simone, Matt Bellamy and Neil Hannon to my friends, family and audience, and to sing them just for sheer fun! And balls-out experience!
-To work out how to help and cure people who can't sing in tune!
At least I am feeling more positive after writing this. I feel more content about being in the present, not worrying about how long I live. Just being. I wasn't going to post this - I have been trying to reduce the amount of my negative detritus I put out on the www, but a ghostly being has suggested I should.
I want to put more spiritually inspiring and perfect stuff out there but there's so much of it already! No one talks about the troubles we encounter along the spiritual path. Maybe I'm the only one who finds it hard? No? The email I had from a healer teacher the other day really upset me. They obviously weren't totally aligned or whatever.
I do hope these articles help people anyway. In the sense of finding someone else out there who has troubles from time to time - a life that isn't always perfect.
I will try and write about some perfect times this week too! To balance it out.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Warmth for the Winter if You're Short of Money, Or of Love
If you can't afford to heat your home this winter:
Some practical tips.
Action: Obviously search with all your might for the answers to your problem.
Look for money from a job, benefits, ask for help from friends and family.
And anything else you can think of.
Don't wear yourself out to the point of stress though. The exercises at the bottom
should help here to unwind, just be, fill yourself with love, relax, enjoy the gifts
of this earth - the natural, free gifts.
Clothing:
Wear a hat in bed, if your hair is wet, and in the house in the daytime too. (A headscarf/bandanna if you have one and are style conscious or embarrassed) Winter hats will keep you warmer if it's very cold.
Wear a scarf in the house. Once more if you're style conscious and you have one to hand, wear an 'indoor' scarf eg. satin, silk, cotton, wool, pashmina, etc. Winter scarves may keep you warmer though!
Wear tights, leggings, long johns or long socks under your trousers.
Wear socks or tights in bed (a fresh set of clothes and shower beforehand if you're going to bed clothes so your skin has time to exfoliate, renew and breathe)
Wear a vest under pyjamas, wear long sleeved pyjamas with long trousers.
Wear a third layer if necessary!
You don't want to overheat but you don't want to be cold.
Buy a furry, fleecy or woolly sole for your shoes, boots, even trainers if you like! So warm for your toes, they can really make a difference.
Wear gloves if needed -
Material Choice for Scarves, Hats, Jumpers and Gloves
I recommend fleece if you are buying anything new as it's the most durable, doesn't shrink in the wash/dryer, seems to be the warmest of all fabrics (take thinsulate for example) - woolly gloves just don't warm up my hands enough on the coldest days?
Exercise
This makes an incredible difference.
I used to go for a run for twenty minutes in winter mornings and I was warm for the whole day from the circulation boost.
Today, a day's worth of housework and walking really helped me to stay warm!
Wiggling your toes can really help avoid frostbite and general exercise to boost whole body circulation.
I did get colder in the evening, as the temperature dropped and I became more idle, so I covered up with a more fleecy hoodie with longer sleeves, covered my head with the hood, and later was blessed with warm food and drinks, and had a shower, sat in front of the fire.
Cups of Tea and Soup
Worldwide money saving choices, as they are mostly water, these are great for winter - I really find that eating warm food or drinking a warm drink helps me to stay warm for an hour or so after.
Warm water or warm salted water are really really money saving. Hope it never gets that bad for you guys although natural (sea or rock) salt on the tongue provides a wealth of essential minerals if you can't afford vitamin pills, although I'm not sure if it contains b vitamins or vitamin c.
Fire
A fire made with found wood, if made safely, can obviously be very warming and is very peaceful if you look into it meditatively, gaze at the beauty and warmth of its colours, and really enjoy the feeling of warming seeping, radiating into your bones and skin, deep into yourself.
It's like love - we often associate love with warmth. A gift, perhaps, from creation.
The Sun's rays too can be incredibly healing in winter. Warming, especially if felt from the inside of a double glazed window, and cleansing, loving, gentle, beautiful, when outside. Piercing light, that cleanses our souls and minds in winter.
Allow that love from the loving, conscious light of your soul's vibration equivalent - your soul's healer the sun to envelop you. The sun is a gift. To us as humans - the gift that created us, that enabled us to exist! That continues to enable us to exist. The sun is a loving, conscious, pulsating and radiating, breathing gift of life.
Some practical tips.
Action: Obviously search with all your might for the answers to your problem.
Look for money from a job, benefits, ask for help from friends and family.
And anything else you can think of.
Don't wear yourself out to the point of stress though. The exercises at the bottom
should help here to unwind, just be, fill yourself with love, relax, enjoy the gifts
of this earth - the natural, free gifts.
Clothing:
Wear a hat in bed, if your hair is wet, and in the house in the daytime too. (A headscarf/bandanna if you have one and are style conscious or embarrassed) Winter hats will keep you warmer if it's very cold.
Wear a scarf in the house. Once more if you're style conscious and you have one to hand, wear an 'indoor' scarf eg. satin, silk, cotton, wool, pashmina, etc. Winter scarves may keep you warmer though!
Wear tights, leggings, long johns or long socks under your trousers.
Wear socks or tights in bed (a fresh set of clothes and shower beforehand if you're going to bed clothes so your skin has time to exfoliate, renew and breathe)
Wear a vest under pyjamas, wear long sleeved pyjamas with long trousers.
Wear a third layer if necessary!
You don't want to overheat but you don't want to be cold.
Buy a furry, fleecy or woolly sole for your shoes, boots, even trainers if you like! So warm for your toes, they can really make a difference.
Wear gloves if needed -
Material Choice for Scarves, Hats, Jumpers and Gloves
I recommend fleece if you are buying anything new as it's the most durable, doesn't shrink in the wash/dryer, seems to be the warmest of all fabrics (take thinsulate for example) - woolly gloves just don't warm up my hands enough on the coldest days?
Exercise
This makes an incredible difference.
I used to go for a run for twenty minutes in winter mornings and I was warm for the whole day from the circulation boost.
Today, a day's worth of housework and walking really helped me to stay warm!
Wiggling your toes can really help avoid frostbite and general exercise to boost whole body circulation.
I did get colder in the evening, as the temperature dropped and I became more idle, so I covered up with a more fleecy hoodie with longer sleeves, covered my head with the hood, and later was blessed with warm food and drinks, and had a shower, sat in front of the fire.
Cups of Tea and Soup
Worldwide money saving choices, as they are mostly water, these are great for winter - I really find that eating warm food or drinking a warm drink helps me to stay warm for an hour or so after.
Warm water or warm salted water are really really money saving. Hope it never gets that bad for you guys although natural (sea or rock) salt on the tongue provides a wealth of essential minerals if you can't afford vitamin pills, although I'm not sure if it contains b vitamins or vitamin c.
Fire
A fire made with found wood, if made safely, can obviously be very warming and is very peaceful if you look into it meditatively, gaze at the beauty and warmth of its colours, and really enjoy the feeling of warming seeping, radiating into your bones and skin, deep into yourself.
It's like love - we often associate love with warmth. A gift, perhaps, from creation.
The Sun's rays too can be incredibly healing in winter. Warming, especially if felt from the inside of a double glazed window, and cleansing, loving, gentle, beautiful, when outside. Piercing light, that cleanses our souls and minds in winter.
Allow that love from the loving, conscious light of your soul's vibration equivalent - your soul's healer the sun to envelop you. The sun is a gift. To us as humans - the gift that created us, that enabled us to exist! That continues to enable us to exist. The sun is a loving, conscious, pulsating and radiating, breathing gift of life.
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
I love my Ego :-) Thoughts People? (Does anyone read this ;-) )
Does anyone read this blog or is this just my ego's airing space? ;-)
I still don't know what ego is, and I don't like the word. To elaborate and put it a little more academically, which I sometimes dislike, I don't like the way that the term ego has become, to my own vision, imbued with a negative energy, originating, perhaps from various traditions.
But it's all part of our emotional clearing! We are still learning and progressing and this energy can be healed and cleared :-)
I think and have thought a lot recently that our ego is nice. It's just our inner voice :-)
'Ego is a Latin word meaning "I", cognate with the Greek "Εγώ (Ego)" meaning "I"' (Wiki)
So perhaps this is one of those words whose meaning has become altered, perhaps even misconstrued over time.
So if so, why do some spiritual teachers dislike 'I'?
Do they dislike an aspect of themselves, labelling that disliked aspect 'Ego'? Pushing it down instead of loving and understanding it?
I think if we all listened to the voice of our naughty, arrogant, attention seeking, pleasure seeking or questioning (or whatever!) ego then we would all be truly whole.
If you like this article, please say so. I need constant praise :-D
I still don't know what ego is, and I don't like the word. To elaborate and put it a little more academically, which I sometimes dislike, I don't like the way that the term ego has become, to my own vision, imbued with a negative energy, originating, perhaps from various traditions.
But it's all part of our emotional clearing! We are still learning and progressing and this energy can be healed and cleared :-)
I think and have thought a lot recently that our ego is nice. It's just our inner voice :-)
'Ego is a Latin word meaning "I", cognate with the Greek "Εγώ (Ego)" meaning "I"' (Wiki)
So perhaps this is one of those words whose meaning has become altered, perhaps even misconstrued over time.
So if so, why do some spiritual teachers dislike 'I'?
Do they dislike an aspect of themselves, labelling that disliked aspect 'Ego'? Pushing it down instead of loving and understanding it?
I think if we all listened to the voice of our naughty, arrogant, attention seeking, pleasure seeking or questioning (or whatever!) ego then we would all be truly whole.
If you like this article, please say so. I need constant praise :-D
Monday, 31 October 2011
Magnetic Rhythms
It's easy to write about the positive stuff, but the negative is so hard as I've not figured out the answers yet.
Fleas, itching, itchy bumps...
When I begin to worry about fleas, I instantly start to itch. I even feel crawling over my skin. I check to see if a flea or other critter is present, but nope. Nothing at all. So then I worry - is there an invisible or microscopic creature on me? Have I missed the flea? I've suffered from itchy bumps all my life - have I always been infected with fleas? I remember thinking the same last summer about chickenpox. And biological washing powder. And midges/mosquitoes.
How does one distinguish the correct origin of an itchy bump?
Is it all about magnetic rhythm? The energy field pulsating around my skin intensifies during stress, causing me to itch?
I suffered the least with flea bites out of my mum, boyfriend and daughter and I. Lizzy had bites but hasn't been scratching much.
I suspect this is because she's not aware of them?
Not psychologically aware of their implications.
To reduce my itching I have tried to stay calm, calm my magnetic rhythms.
Work on the heart centre... I feel too focused in the heart. I see, have been told or shown that a wonderful caring gateway has opened here yet it is leading me to give, give and give, yet I receive less back. In monetary terms.
Yet eventually, in time when I have learned my lessons it will return.
Yet, why is there an inadequate gateway to myself?
To nurturing myself?
Well I am trying this week to get on it.
I hate that I have to keep reminding myself to do basic things like stick to a simple western routine of a daily morning shower, brush teeth twice a day - why do I find it so hard? When will my hair stop falling out and will it grow back? Is my tooth decaying or merely chipped? I'm too scared to go to the dentist's and check.
I'm too scared to get my kidneys tested at the doctor's, too scared to donate now :-/
Fleas, itching, itchy bumps...
When I begin to worry about fleas, I instantly start to itch. I even feel crawling over my skin. I check to see if a flea or other critter is present, but nope. Nothing at all. So then I worry - is there an invisible or microscopic creature on me? Have I missed the flea? I've suffered from itchy bumps all my life - have I always been infected with fleas? I remember thinking the same last summer about chickenpox. And biological washing powder. And midges/mosquitoes.
How does one distinguish the correct origin of an itchy bump?
Is it all about magnetic rhythm? The energy field pulsating around my skin intensifies during stress, causing me to itch?
I suffered the least with flea bites out of my mum, boyfriend and daughter and I. Lizzy had bites but hasn't been scratching much.
I suspect this is because she's not aware of them?
Not psychologically aware of their implications.
To reduce my itching I have tried to stay calm, calm my magnetic rhythms.
Work on the heart centre... I feel too focused in the heart. I see, have been told or shown that a wonderful caring gateway has opened here yet it is leading me to give, give and give, yet I receive less back. In monetary terms.
Yet eventually, in time when I have learned my lessons it will return.
Yet, why is there an inadequate gateway to myself?
To nurturing myself?
Well I am trying this week to get on it.
I hate that I have to keep reminding myself to do basic things like stick to a simple western routine of a daily morning shower, brush teeth twice a day - why do I find it so hard? When will my hair stop falling out and will it grow back? Is my tooth decaying or merely chipped? I'm too scared to go to the dentist's and check.
I'm too scared to get my kidneys tested at the doctor's, too scared to donate now :-/
Music Wishlist
Another list of what I would do or buy if I ever have the money...But perhaps I can
engage inside my head, remember, imagine, play my inner CD player, listen to nature or find free sounds online.
David Sun's Birdsong
David Sun's Piano Relaxation
David Sun's Rock Water
Joe Hisaishi's vocal and instrumental hits from Ghibli movies
Maybe maybe maybe... The sound of rain, thunder, wind..
Björk's Biophilia
Oo Tuvan throat singing! I REALLY wish I could do that!
And put that lovely Ravi Shankar Raga CD back in my iPod!
I would like to find a chakra healing or general healing accompaniment that
I actually like. I haven't really explored that section of
the market very much. I would rather teach people to hear their nadas, or use pop or natural music...I just get put off when they don't use real singers, synthesised vocals and instruments make me cringe sooo much! Although technology is improving in this area.
Whale song? Dolphins? Can't get into it but trying.
A lonely wolf howling? Better. The screech of the lonely bird of prey. Maybe that's it.
Loneliness. I am lonely and very much an island. But am
trying to enjoy it and make the best of it, learn to be less isolated
and so on, accept help and love from others as it comes.
I have always loved the wolf, the eagle, the merlin, owl etc. though. And also Robin Redbreast!
engage inside my head, remember, imagine, play my inner CD player, listen to nature or find free sounds online.
David Sun's Birdsong
David Sun's Piano Relaxation
David Sun's Rock Water
Joe Hisaishi's vocal and instrumental hits from Ghibli movies
Maybe maybe maybe... The sound of rain, thunder, wind..
Björk's Biophilia
Oo Tuvan throat singing! I REALLY wish I could do that!
And put that lovely Ravi Shankar Raga CD back in my iPod!
I would like to find a chakra healing or general healing accompaniment that
I actually like. I haven't really explored that section of
the market very much. I would rather teach people to hear their nadas, or use pop or natural music...I just get put off when they don't use real singers, synthesised vocals and instruments make me cringe sooo much! Although technology is improving in this area.
Whale song? Dolphins? Can't get into it but trying.
A lonely wolf howling? Better. The screech of the lonely bird of prey. Maybe that's it.
Loneliness. I am lonely and very much an island. But am
trying to enjoy it and make the best of it, learn to be less isolated
and so on, accept help and love from others as it comes.
I have always loved the wolf, the eagle, the merlin, owl etc. though. And also Robin Redbreast!
Musings on Conducting, Singing, Time and Physics!
Blessings Journal 31st October 2011
Blessings, gratitudes, thanks, gladness, joy :o
I conducted my first choir rehearsal today :-) in 6 or 7 years :-)
The great thing was, despite having done hardly any prep work, nor done much conducting in the past 7 years, nor singing either, I am better now than I was back then.
The brain really does learn for you, in the background, when you're not focusing on things.
And like riding a bike, you never forget. Sensory memory is amazing :-)
Time is amazing.
Time, like molecules, can pass at so many different speeds yet regardless of the speed, and regardless of how long it is since you last did something, if you have no trauma or emotional issues surrounding an area or feel loved and supported, or the time is right in some other way, it really can seem as if it were only yesterday that you last did something. It can all flood back with no trouble. I can put down a piece of music for ten years and come back to it with even greater clarity and understanding.
I can worry to death about a person daily, causing stress in the relationship, yet I can also not see or even contact a friend for years and then pick up the phone and, like stepping straight back in time to my youth, it's as if we never parted. All the old feelings, the conversation, still there.
Time also teaches you transferable skills - during pregnancy my voice flourished, I feel, because pregnancy made me feel confident, full, complete, womanly, mature. And my voice became so as a result.
Also I psychologically expected my voice to become mature and full during pregnancy owing to others' reports eg. Renée Fleming, so maybe because I expected my voice to be full, it became full. (In the way that owing to negative media portrayal, many expect childbirth to be horrific or painful, so it becomes so for them because they need to raise their expectations, try pleasurable birth techniques etc).
To the contrary, people told me my voice couldn't sound full until I was in my late twenties, that if it did appear to sound full I must be faking it - I must be covering or using false vocal folds. So I didn't use the full sound when I was younger, believing it to be false. Yet at conservatoire, during certain coaching sessions, it just came out. In an environment where I had no pressure, criticism, I was allowed to sing naturally how I wanted, the full warm sound came out. Usually, it came out in response to certain repertoire: I just HAD to use it for Chausson's La caravane - what a gorgeous, dramatic song!
So when I was pregnant, I finally felt like I had the right to use this sound! The right to finally sing Puccini (I will never sing Wagner though).
How much was psychological, how much physiological?...
I got a bit power crazy though and developed a wobble! Also when I was feeling low, I often tended to wobble.
So these days I only use the wobble for a joke. I've gone back to pure, early music, early music or sacred chamber group sounds and I'm really enjoying it as a nice refreshing break. The cleanness, the line, the phrasing, the pure pitch.
Perhaps it is even my niche and if I were to have a niche in the classical world, I am happy to settle with Bach, Mozart, Dowland, Purcell and Handel. I really want to extend my Bach and Handel repertoire :-)
I indulge in light to full vibrato in solo repertoire, and I love to sing other things like Mariah Carey, Muse, etc. :-)
Blessings, gratitudes, thanks, gladness, joy :o
I conducted my first choir rehearsal today :-) in 6 or 7 years :-)
The great thing was, despite having done hardly any prep work, nor done much conducting in the past 7 years, nor singing either, I am better now than I was back then.
The brain really does learn for you, in the background, when you're not focusing on things.
And like riding a bike, you never forget. Sensory memory is amazing :-)
Time is amazing.
Time, like molecules, can pass at so many different speeds yet regardless of the speed, and regardless of how long it is since you last did something, if you have no trauma or emotional issues surrounding an area or feel loved and supported, or the time is right in some other way, it really can seem as if it were only yesterday that you last did something. It can all flood back with no trouble. I can put down a piece of music for ten years and come back to it with even greater clarity and understanding.
I can worry to death about a person daily, causing stress in the relationship, yet I can also not see or even contact a friend for years and then pick up the phone and, like stepping straight back in time to my youth, it's as if we never parted. All the old feelings, the conversation, still there.
Time also teaches you transferable skills - during pregnancy my voice flourished, I feel, because pregnancy made me feel confident, full, complete, womanly, mature. And my voice became so as a result.
Also I psychologically expected my voice to become mature and full during pregnancy owing to others' reports eg. Renée Fleming, so maybe because I expected my voice to be full, it became full. (In the way that owing to negative media portrayal, many expect childbirth to be horrific or painful, so it becomes so for them because they need to raise their expectations, try pleasurable birth techniques etc).
To the contrary, people told me my voice couldn't sound full until I was in my late twenties, that if it did appear to sound full I must be faking it - I must be covering or using false vocal folds. So I didn't use the full sound when I was younger, believing it to be false. Yet at conservatoire, during certain coaching sessions, it just came out. In an environment where I had no pressure, criticism, I was allowed to sing naturally how I wanted, the full warm sound came out. Usually, it came out in response to certain repertoire: I just HAD to use it for Chausson's La caravane - what a gorgeous, dramatic song!
So when I was pregnant, I finally felt like I had the right to use this sound! The right to finally sing Puccini (I will never sing Wagner though).
How much was psychological, how much physiological?...
I got a bit power crazy though and developed a wobble! Also when I was feeling low, I often tended to wobble.
So these days I only use the wobble for a joke. I've gone back to pure, early music, early music or sacred chamber group sounds and I'm really enjoying it as a nice refreshing break. The cleanness, the line, the phrasing, the pure pitch.
Perhaps it is even my niche and if I were to have a niche in the classical world, I am happy to settle with Bach, Mozart, Dowland, Purcell and Handel. I really want to extend my Bach and Handel repertoire :-)
I indulge in light to full vibrato in solo repertoire, and I love to sing other things like Mariah Carey, Muse, etc. :-)
Sunday, 30 October 2011
'Everything In Its Right Place' Radiohead: a musical and sound healing, spiritual exploration.
'Everything In Its Right Place' Radiohead: a musical and sound healing, spiritual exploration.
As I listened to this song, I knew it was the right one. I had been cruising through my playlist looking for pure chillout tracks that I could use in a healing session, like Treefingers but ones that made me feel more positive. (In the hope that it would make the patient feel more positive too - although everyone's energy responds differently to the same track, it depends on the moment).
It wasn't what I had been looking for on a rational level - a song with no pulse, with long drawn-out chords, no lyrics, perhaps no vocals, in a major or modal key (your typical sound healing track).
Yet, it did just the trick - drawing me into its vortex, of healing negativity within me. That old adage, quoted by.. John Beaulieu? In his loving and wise, intuitive 'Music and Sound in the Healing Arts' - that sometimes, the opposite or complementary sound can heal you but at other times, (as in my case at this time) hearing something that echoes your existing mood or condition can provide the best healing.
It drew me into a beautiful, calming, muted green, grey and blue vortex of healing gently my negativity, creating a feeling of peace, calm, tranquility, hope and positivity.
How did it do it musically?
Perhaps the descending echoey and beautifully low bass line created a feeling of descending deep into a lovely vortex?
The tinkly instrument added the feeling of calm, angelic almost tranquility, on a human to angel level - a meeting point, like in a mandorla.
And then the words kicked in...
Everything... everything... Everything... In its riight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaaace...
The repetition.
The use of three.
The rhythm.
It reminded me of the technique my lovely angels or spiritual guiding beings use to calm me down, or bring something to my attention - sometimes, they come close to my right ear and speak a short phrase in rhythm, repeating it.
Sometimes I get annoyed or afraid! But if I trust and go with it, being aware of the words, I soon relax, often going into a deep sleep or deep state of awareness, or I feel chakras linking or being woven together like a figure of eight - harmony, balance, like the harmonograph picture of a perfect fifth?
As I listened to this song, I knew it was the right one. I had been cruising through my playlist looking for pure chillout tracks that I could use in a healing session, like Treefingers but ones that made me feel more positive. (In the hope that it would make the patient feel more positive too - although everyone's energy responds differently to the same track, it depends on the moment).
It wasn't what I had been looking for on a rational level - a song with no pulse, with long drawn-out chords, no lyrics, perhaps no vocals, in a major or modal key (your typical sound healing track).
Yet, it did just the trick - drawing me into its vortex, of healing negativity within me. That old adage, quoted by.. John Beaulieu? In his loving and wise, intuitive 'Music and Sound in the Healing Arts' - that sometimes, the opposite or complementary sound can heal you but at other times, (as in my case at this time) hearing something that echoes your existing mood or condition can provide the best healing.
It drew me into a beautiful, calming, muted green, grey and blue vortex of healing gently my negativity, creating a feeling of peace, calm, tranquility, hope and positivity.
How did it do it musically?
Perhaps the descending echoey and beautifully low bass line created a feeling of descending deep into a lovely vortex?
The tinkly instrument added the feeling of calm, angelic almost tranquility, on a human to angel level - a meeting point, like in a mandorla.
And then the words kicked in...
Everything... everything... Everything... In its riight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaace... In its riiiight plaaaaace...
The repetition.
The use of three.
The rhythm.
It reminded me of the technique my lovely angels or spiritual guiding beings use to calm me down, or bring something to my attention - sometimes, they come close to my right ear and speak a short phrase in rhythm, repeating it.
Sometimes I get annoyed or afraid! But if I trust and go with it, being aware of the words, I soon relax, often going into a deep sleep or deep state of awareness, or I feel chakras linking or being woven together like a figure of eight - harmony, balance, like the harmonograph picture of a perfect fifth?
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Sex - Respect, Permission, Healing, Gender-Energy Inequality? (Also breastfeeding)
It has long been troubling me this week that from among all the wonderful (and less wonderful) inspirational tweets I receive daily, there is no mention of sex.
In the spiritual manuals I have read that are so helpful, there is little mention of sex, crime or abusive relationships.
I realise there may be legal issues etc etc. but I do also feel that the more we practice spiritually, perhaps we stop talking about deeper, human issues such as this. But these things have to be talked about so I hope that this article doesn't get removed or be accused of being 'low vibration'. Healers and spiritual teachers have personal lives and everything might not be hunky dory beneath that spiritual mask! We all have problems and need healing throughout our lives. If anyone reading this professes to be 100% perfect, ascended, free from trauma and personal difficulties, see me for a shiny sticker. No seriously contact me, I'm interested!! :-)
Gender Equality and The Progression of Religion
Many old traditions stop women from becoming priests and the equivalent. Eg. in Islam, (a religion/culture that teaches us a lot about community and giving) many women cannot even go the the Mosque to pray as they are expected to pray at home because of fitting spiritual practice in with their duties with the children and cooking for the family. New Age religion moves towards gender equailty as society does in turn - women can now more easily become spiritual teachers, leaders, counsellors etc. and are not just working in roles as a healer, nurturer, herbalist, or passive channeler. We have our own opinions!
Gratitude for the nurturing we receive and accurately referencing ideas.
Do we credit our spirit guides and angelic/star assistance enough? Do we pass off ideas as our own? Do we underestimate or under-acknowledge the support and healing we receive from these wonderful beings?
Is this a feminist issue?
It's a common thing, I feel, for the work mothers do to go unacknlowedged and unappreciated - it's often not measured or rated as highly as academic achievement, for example. Some unsympathetic partners will ask their wives what they've been doing all day, for example. But nurturing is a role that is energy-demanding and needs to be thanked for.
When one studies for a degree, every idea we read and use within our essays has to be referenced. I have got out of the habit of doing that but I do try to credit the people who have helped and inspired me, stimulated my ideas.
Article
I lay awake last night after a horrific nightmare where my cats were eaten by a bear at a spiritual conference where many ladies had taken their cats to watch, but I was caught up in family duties, and instead of saving them, we ran away because the wolves were going to get us all..
Somehow that led, following thought after thought, to my reflecting on my and my ex-partners' attitudes toward sex, the respect of a female body (or anyone's body), and society's attitudes as a whole towards womens' bodies.
I began thinking in further depth about other kinds of respect - psychological, emotional and spiritual. Respecting someone's needs for love, comfort, support, personal space; trusting someone and trusting oneself.
I said in a recent tweet that I feel that in sex, women should be honoured, respected, and revered. I feel that in all of life, we should revere, honour and respect our own bodies, our entire selves, and each other.
I still feel that. Yet, does culture in the media, and our upbringing etc. and even natural instinct give us the idea that we deserve a woman's body? That it is somehow our right to touch, feel, drink of its goodness?
Babies and Toddlers and Beyond
My mind is cast back to babies - morally innocent, if they are allowed to they will scratch their mother's breasts during that developmental phase where they are discovering their nails, bite their mother when their first teeth come, grab their mother's boobs and drag them almost across the room, stretch them, etc. when they are walking.
For this reason, many ladies with self respect stop breastfeeding as soon as the first pain appears!
Breastfeeding, like sex and birth should not be painful - it can be pleasurable and if it isn't, stop and think why. Teach your child boundaries - all kids can learn no matter what their age. As long as you teach them with love and gentleness, but firmness and regular repetition of new ideas/rules, it's ok.
If breastfeeding doesn't hurt, but just doesn't feel right, then you can still stop for a few minutes and think, how can we best improve this experience? You are in charge.
With regards to weaning, it is best to look within and see how you feel, monitor your child's health and reactions, consult with health professionals, read a variety of books on the subject and make your mind up. There are a variety of opinions on when the best time to wean completely is, and the weaning process can be quick, medium, or drawn out etc. It is possible for many ladies to relactate or re-increase milk supply if they change their mind, although perhaps not all ladies.
It is also possible for men to breastfeed! Google it!
Sex
Do we as ladies share the same attitude to sex? And if this resonates with any guys or transgender folk out there, which it probably will do, how about you?
How many of you out there, if your partner, male, female or transgender, started kissing or touching you and wanted sex, would stop and think, 'Hang on, is this what I want? How much am I in the mood for sex? What's my desire percentage?' Or something like that.
And if you found within yourself that you weren't in the mood, or that your feelings of desire were really low, would you stop and say, 'No, sorry, I'm not in the mood' or 'Could you kiss my neck' or 'Could you rub my back' 'Could we talk for a while' etc. - a request based on your feelings about how your partner could help you relax?
How many people sometimes, or frequently don't do this and just lie back and think of king and country etc.?
Break-Ups
Looking back, I can remember so many situations in my life where actually, I didn't want sex. Or I didn't plan to have it but was co-erced into it.
Not wanting to upset any ex partners if they read this but I started thinking last night, is this why some of my relationships broke down but I just couldn't explain why I didn't want to be with that person anymore?
Of course, there are many other factors in break-ups and I have generally always explained to partners the reasons why, apart from when I was really young and didn't have a clue.
And maybe at times it was just destiny - a need to move on to a new stage in my life.
Yet, I am once more at the bottom of that weird feeling that I have experienced in the last 4-5 years of being dirty. Unclean. An unclean energy coming from partners. I know what it is now - I tried to ignore it, push it away, lie back and think of king and country, higher energy, switch off the recurrent visions of exes, block out the spirit guides' messages, make myself feel desire somehow, change position, ask my partner to change something, all to no effect.
The feeling of dirtiness was lust, desire, (which is a good feeling to have, I'm not one of those puritanical types!) but the problem was, the feeling wasn't returned and my partner hadn't even bothered to check whether or not I felt the same way back! They were just helping themselves to my body, assuming I was in the mood. It had reached a stage in the relationship where they were assuming that sex was part of the relationship. A given, the norm. And sometimes, even, a right.
I didn't help there - it's not all their fault obviously. I reached a stage in the relationship where I thought that sex was a given. A right to my partner. A gift. I had cultural expectations that sex becomes more boring as a relationship progresses, more difficult to excite, and because of those expectations and because of role models of lying back and thinking of king and country, I did it.
But then again, I knew I was doing it, knew I was fitting into an outdated stereotype but it has been hard to break out of it.
I hate to stereotype. I know there are guys out there who get abused, raped, or touched when they don't want it. Which is why I'm trying to write this article sensitively and openly.
I try to think along the lines of energy - we all carry masculine and feminine energy within us. Sometimes, a guy will have predominant feminine energy and his life lessons may link to this somehow. Sometimes, a girl will have predominant masculine energy, some people are balanced etc.
Passivity and Feminine Energy
Is passivity a common trait of feminine energy?
It must have its advantages, but also disadvantages obviously.
Even in nature, I sometimes see male animals chasing the females until they give in to sex, or pushing the females away so they can get the food first. Not a good role model. There must be examples from certain species though that show the opposite. There are even gay/lesbian animals in nature!
I think it is our role as humans and guardians of the planet in physical form to teach animals gender equality, love and respect for one another. Think I'm daft? I really think we should.
Healthy Attitudes to Sex
I don't want this article to scare anyone too much that they don't enjoy sex anymore.
I used to love sex so much, I was so raring to go in my youth, free from moral awareness and feelings of true responsibility.
As I have grown older and the responsibilities of parenting, knowledge taught to me of spiritual responsibility and thoughts of permission, studying feminism, rape and religious attitudes towards sex have all weighed down on me. I have stopped enjoying or wanting sex, leaping into it, it as much as I used to.
Is it just because of the above reasons or is it also lack of experience since I became a parent? Being rusty etc.?
I don't know entirely but I hope this article helps and reaches out to those who need to speak out for what they want, need, and feel with regards to their bodies, souls, hearts and minds. We always have a choice and abstinence - a break from sex - is ok. It's not a crime. Your partner will survive!
If they cause problems, you could be in an abusive relationship. Click on this link to go through the checklist.
Abusive Relationship Checklist
http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
But I do feel that long periods of abstinence - long breaks from sex - need to be addressed on some level through talking, counselling, maybe sex therapy or spiritual healing and counselling, other sorts of things. Maybe regular massage, cuddles, etc. or whatever feels comfortable - something that helps with bonding, communication, increasing the love between you and healing any issues present.
In the spiritual manuals I have read that are so helpful, there is little mention of sex, crime or abusive relationships.
I realise there may be legal issues etc etc. but I do also feel that the more we practice spiritually, perhaps we stop talking about deeper, human issues such as this. But these things have to be talked about so I hope that this article doesn't get removed or be accused of being 'low vibration'. Healers and spiritual teachers have personal lives and everything might not be hunky dory beneath that spiritual mask! We all have problems and need healing throughout our lives. If anyone reading this professes to be 100% perfect, ascended, free from trauma and personal difficulties, see me for a shiny sticker. No seriously contact me, I'm interested!! :-)
Gender Equality and The Progression of Religion
Many old traditions stop women from becoming priests and the equivalent. Eg. in Islam, (a religion/culture that teaches us a lot about community and giving) many women cannot even go the the Mosque to pray as they are expected to pray at home because of fitting spiritual practice in with their duties with the children and cooking for the family. New Age religion moves towards gender equailty as society does in turn - women can now more easily become spiritual teachers, leaders, counsellors etc. and are not just working in roles as a healer, nurturer, herbalist, or passive channeler. We have our own opinions!
Gratitude for the nurturing we receive and accurately referencing ideas.
Do we credit our spirit guides and angelic/star assistance enough? Do we pass off ideas as our own? Do we underestimate or under-acknowledge the support and healing we receive from these wonderful beings?
Is this a feminist issue?
It's a common thing, I feel, for the work mothers do to go unacknlowedged and unappreciated - it's often not measured or rated as highly as academic achievement, for example. Some unsympathetic partners will ask their wives what they've been doing all day, for example. But nurturing is a role that is energy-demanding and needs to be thanked for.
When one studies for a degree, every idea we read and use within our essays has to be referenced. I have got out of the habit of doing that but I do try to credit the people who have helped and inspired me, stimulated my ideas.
Article
I lay awake last night after a horrific nightmare where my cats were eaten by a bear at a spiritual conference where many ladies had taken their cats to watch, but I was caught up in family duties, and instead of saving them, we ran away because the wolves were going to get us all..
Somehow that led, following thought after thought, to my reflecting on my and my ex-partners' attitudes toward sex, the respect of a female body (or anyone's body), and society's attitudes as a whole towards womens' bodies.
I began thinking in further depth about other kinds of respect - psychological, emotional and spiritual. Respecting someone's needs for love, comfort, support, personal space; trusting someone and trusting oneself.
I said in a recent tweet that I feel that in sex, women should be honoured, respected, and revered. I feel that in all of life, we should revere, honour and respect our own bodies, our entire selves, and each other.
I still feel that. Yet, does culture in the media, and our upbringing etc. and even natural instinct give us the idea that we deserve a woman's body? That it is somehow our right to touch, feel, drink of its goodness?
Babies and Toddlers and Beyond
My mind is cast back to babies - morally innocent, if they are allowed to they will scratch their mother's breasts during that developmental phase where they are discovering their nails, bite their mother when their first teeth come, grab their mother's boobs and drag them almost across the room, stretch them, etc. when they are walking.
For this reason, many ladies with self respect stop breastfeeding as soon as the first pain appears!
Breastfeeding, like sex and birth should not be painful - it can be pleasurable and if it isn't, stop and think why. Teach your child boundaries - all kids can learn no matter what their age. As long as you teach them with love and gentleness, but firmness and regular repetition of new ideas/rules, it's ok.
If breastfeeding doesn't hurt, but just doesn't feel right, then you can still stop for a few minutes and think, how can we best improve this experience? You are in charge.
With regards to weaning, it is best to look within and see how you feel, monitor your child's health and reactions, consult with health professionals, read a variety of books on the subject and make your mind up. There are a variety of opinions on when the best time to wean completely is, and the weaning process can be quick, medium, or drawn out etc. It is possible for many ladies to relactate or re-increase milk supply if they change their mind, although perhaps not all ladies.
It is also possible for men to breastfeed! Google it!
Sex
Do we as ladies share the same attitude to sex? And if this resonates with any guys or transgender folk out there, which it probably will do, how about you?
How many of you out there, if your partner, male, female or transgender, started kissing or touching you and wanted sex, would stop and think, 'Hang on, is this what I want? How much am I in the mood for sex? What's my desire percentage?' Or something like that.
And if you found within yourself that you weren't in the mood, or that your feelings of desire were really low, would you stop and say, 'No, sorry, I'm not in the mood' or 'Could you kiss my neck' or 'Could you rub my back' 'Could we talk for a while' etc. - a request based on your feelings about how your partner could help you relax?
How many people sometimes, or frequently don't do this and just lie back and think of king and country etc.?
Break-Ups
Looking back, I can remember so many situations in my life where actually, I didn't want sex. Or I didn't plan to have it but was co-erced into it.
Not wanting to upset any ex partners if they read this but I started thinking last night, is this why some of my relationships broke down but I just couldn't explain why I didn't want to be with that person anymore?
Of course, there are many other factors in break-ups and I have generally always explained to partners the reasons why, apart from when I was really young and didn't have a clue.
And maybe at times it was just destiny - a need to move on to a new stage in my life.
Yet, I am once more at the bottom of that weird feeling that I have experienced in the last 4-5 years of being dirty. Unclean. An unclean energy coming from partners. I know what it is now - I tried to ignore it, push it away, lie back and think of king and country, higher energy, switch off the recurrent visions of exes, block out the spirit guides' messages, make myself feel desire somehow, change position, ask my partner to change something, all to no effect.
The feeling of dirtiness was lust, desire, (which is a good feeling to have, I'm not one of those puritanical types!) but the problem was, the feeling wasn't returned and my partner hadn't even bothered to check whether or not I felt the same way back! They were just helping themselves to my body, assuming I was in the mood. It had reached a stage in the relationship where they were assuming that sex was part of the relationship. A given, the norm. And sometimes, even, a right.
I didn't help there - it's not all their fault obviously. I reached a stage in the relationship where I thought that sex was a given. A right to my partner. A gift. I had cultural expectations that sex becomes more boring as a relationship progresses, more difficult to excite, and because of those expectations and because of role models of lying back and thinking of king and country, I did it.
But then again, I knew I was doing it, knew I was fitting into an outdated stereotype but it has been hard to break out of it.
I hate to stereotype. I know there are guys out there who get abused, raped, or touched when they don't want it. Which is why I'm trying to write this article sensitively and openly.
I try to think along the lines of energy - we all carry masculine and feminine energy within us. Sometimes, a guy will have predominant feminine energy and his life lessons may link to this somehow. Sometimes, a girl will have predominant masculine energy, some people are balanced etc.
Passivity and Feminine Energy
Is passivity a common trait of feminine energy?
It must have its advantages, but also disadvantages obviously.
Even in nature, I sometimes see male animals chasing the females until they give in to sex, or pushing the females away so they can get the food first. Not a good role model. There must be examples from certain species though that show the opposite. There are even gay/lesbian animals in nature!
I think it is our role as humans and guardians of the planet in physical form to teach animals gender equality, love and respect for one another. Think I'm daft? I really think we should.
Healthy Attitudes to Sex
I don't want this article to scare anyone too much that they don't enjoy sex anymore.
I used to love sex so much, I was so raring to go in my youth, free from moral awareness and feelings of true responsibility.
As I have grown older and the responsibilities of parenting, knowledge taught to me of spiritual responsibility and thoughts of permission, studying feminism, rape and religious attitudes towards sex have all weighed down on me. I have stopped enjoying or wanting sex, leaping into it, it as much as I used to.
Is it just because of the above reasons or is it also lack of experience since I became a parent? Being rusty etc.?
I don't know entirely but I hope this article helps and reaches out to those who need to speak out for what they want, need, and feel with regards to their bodies, souls, hearts and minds. We always have a choice and abstinence - a break from sex - is ok. It's not a crime. Your partner will survive!
If they cause problems, you could be in an abusive relationship. Click on this link to go through the checklist.
Abusive Relationship Checklist
http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
But I do feel that long periods of abstinence - long breaks from sex - need to be addressed on some level through talking, counselling, maybe sex therapy or spiritual healing and counselling, other sorts of things. Maybe regular massage, cuddles, etc. or whatever feels comfortable - something that helps with bonding, communication, increasing the love between you and healing any issues present.
©Natalie Windsor
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Good News In Stoke-on-Trent!
Good News in Stoke-on-Trent!
(Yes there is some guys!!!)
Council scraps plans to cut deaf support after a national Deaf Charity planned to sue them!
Brown Edge park is getting a beautiful looking refurbishment!
The Potteries Shopping Centre is getting an extension with a cinema and other stuff!
There are new jobs planned for many retailers - Emma Bridgewater etc!
Oatcakes are becoming increasingly popular and are still very tasty!!!
Slash recently did a concert here - power to the people guys we helped to create healing and change by reuniting him with his homeland! That's amazing!
Hanley Bus Station is finally getting its refurb! (That really did need doing!)
Regent Theatre and Victoria Hall have opened up their own Performing Arts Academy! How bloody amazing is that! The big business, funded by you loyal and intelligent concert-goers, is now able to give something back to the community!
Keep working guys we can do it!
We can put Stoke-on-Trent on the map but it doesn't have to be over commercialised like Birmingham's City Centre, it can be successful AND homely, welcoming, and northern!
Stoke-on-Trent is no longer the worst place to live in Britain! Congratulations guys we've done it!!!! Woo hooooo!
(Yes there is some guys!!!)
Council scraps plans to cut deaf support after a national Deaf Charity planned to sue them!
Brown Edge park is getting a beautiful looking refurbishment!
The Potteries Shopping Centre is getting an extension with a cinema and other stuff!
There are new jobs planned for many retailers - Emma Bridgewater etc!
Oatcakes are becoming increasingly popular and are still very tasty!!!
Slash recently did a concert here - power to the people guys we helped to create healing and change by reuniting him with his homeland! That's amazing!
Hanley Bus Station is finally getting its refurb! (That really did need doing!)
Regent Theatre and Victoria Hall have opened up their own Performing Arts Academy! How bloody amazing is that! The big business, funded by you loyal and intelligent concert-goers, is now able to give something back to the community!
Keep working guys we can do it!
We can put Stoke-on-Trent on the map but it doesn't have to be over commercialised like Birmingham's City Centre, it can be successful AND homely, welcoming, and northern!
Stoke-on-Trent is no longer the worst place to live in Britain! Congratulations guys we've done it!!!! Woo hooooo!
Thursday, 15 September 2011
Penzance - Ode to a Virgin Train
Sometimes when I look at you I want to just sod it all, sod the money worries, abandon all responsibility and jump on the train to Penzance and stay there for a few days.
Maybe they wouldn't even check my ticket!
It stops at lovely places.. Liskeard, St Austell, so many places...
Just to roam the beaches on my own, splash in the sea, swim no matter how cold it is, talk to some crabs and jellyfish, eat some chips by the sea (and maybe some sneaky fish, or a pudding, peas and gravy).
To lie on the sand and dream, look up at the beautiful blue sky.
Get a lovely sun tan, and feel the wind on my skin.
Listen to the seagulls as I wake up in the morning, relax, and listen to the beautiful sound of the sea. The beautiful waves crashing onto the shore.
Maybe they wouldn't even check my ticket!
It stops at lovely places.. Liskeard, St Austell, so many places...
Just to roam the beaches on my own, splash in the sea, swim no matter how cold it is, talk to some crabs and jellyfish, eat some chips by the sea (and maybe some sneaky fish, or a pudding, peas and gravy).
To lie on the sand and dream, look up at the beautiful blue sky.
Get a lovely sun tan, and feel the wind on my skin.
Listen to the seagulls as I wake up in the morning, relax, and listen to the beautiful sound of the sea. The beautiful waves crashing onto the shore.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Stranger Danger
It's that time of year. My daughter started her first day at playschool today and I'm so happy and proud!
But at the back of my mind I'm wondering about stranger danger.
I totally don't agree with teaching children Stranger Danger. The very term is scary, and created musically to reenforce fear through it's rhyme and rhythm.
And I don't believe in teaching anyone through fear.
Yet there is danger in the world.
What is my own attitude to dangerous people?
Well I believe that the more we trust other people and trust humanity, the more we will attract nice people to us and pleasant situations.
I believe that everyone has a seed of good inside them and that if we look for that seed of good when we're talking to or communicating with someone, we will always find it.
Eye contact is important here and loving, trusting and smiling.
It's easy to have faith in that philosophy myself as I know how to run and shout for help if things did ever get sticky.
Maybe we all have to learn stranger danger before we learn to trust others again?
Eek.
But at the back of my mind I'm wondering about stranger danger.
I totally don't agree with teaching children Stranger Danger. The very term is scary, and created musically to reenforce fear through it's rhyme and rhythm.
And I don't believe in teaching anyone through fear.
Yet there is danger in the world.
What is my own attitude to dangerous people?
Well I believe that the more we trust other people and trust humanity, the more we will attract nice people to us and pleasant situations.
I believe that everyone has a seed of good inside them and that if we look for that seed of good when we're talking to or communicating with someone, we will always find it.
Eye contact is important here and loving, trusting and smiling.
It's easy to have faith in that philosophy myself as I know how to run and shout for help if things did ever get sticky.
Maybe we all have to learn stranger danger before we learn to trust others again?
Eek.
What to do if we miss someone (a gentle suggestion)
Missing someone is an important feeling that can be very beneficial!
You don't need to ignore it - take the time out if you can to go into the vision, explore the depths of your feeling, explore any visions, sights, sounds, tastes etc and in the centre of your own vision say to yourself, what is it that I want in my life from this person? What role do they currently play and what role would I like them to play?
Once you're done (spend five minutes to half an hour max), ground, write down your experience and draw it, colour it in if you like (it's always good to have a handy pencil case of colours, try water soluble ones as they blend like chalk pastels to create beautiful pastel shades and mix with each other too), and think, how can I make my positive healing vision and ideas a reality? Maybe you could make them a little card, or draw/paint them a picture!
Maybe tell the person you miss them! Speak gently from the heart to them, send them a card or message, or even better, call them up and have a good old chat! During the conversation, you could be brave and tell them you miss them and would love to see them sometime!
Sometimes, the simple and childlike, innocent communication of your emotions is the best.
In this world, many of us worry at times about what we should and shouldn't say. We are afraid of hurting people or being socially inappropriate but really, speaking and writing gently from the heart is ok, loving, simple, says what we need to say and shouldn't hurt anyone too much.
By the way, to any stalkers out there (maybe a lot of us have done a kind of stalking before ;-) ) remember the other person also has a clear vision for what they want in their life and it may be different from yours, or it may appear to be at first. Respect their wishes and if you do want different things, keep working with the heart (contact me if you want further advice or clarification on this, working with chakras and the ideas talked about here) and hopefully with the heart and further advice if necessary, you will both move to where you need to be in each other's lives.
To contact me with any queries, or for a paid advice session via email or telephone, email nataliewindsor@live.co.uk
You don't need to ignore it - take the time out if you can to go into the vision, explore the depths of your feeling, explore any visions, sights, sounds, tastes etc and in the centre of your own vision say to yourself, what is it that I want in my life from this person? What role do they currently play and what role would I like them to play?
Once you're done (spend five minutes to half an hour max), ground, write down your experience and draw it, colour it in if you like (it's always good to have a handy pencil case of colours, try water soluble ones as they blend like chalk pastels to create beautiful pastel shades and mix with each other too), and think, how can I make my positive healing vision and ideas a reality? Maybe you could make them a little card, or draw/paint them a picture!
Maybe tell the person you miss them! Speak gently from the heart to them, send them a card or message, or even better, call them up and have a good old chat! During the conversation, you could be brave and tell them you miss them and would love to see them sometime!
Sometimes, the simple and childlike, innocent communication of your emotions is the best.
In this world, many of us worry at times about what we should and shouldn't say. We are afraid of hurting people or being socially inappropriate but really, speaking and writing gently from the heart is ok, loving, simple, says what we need to say and shouldn't hurt anyone too much.
By the way, to any stalkers out there (maybe a lot of us have done a kind of stalking before ;-) ) remember the other person also has a clear vision for what they want in their life and it may be different from yours, or it may appear to be at first. Respect their wishes and if you do want different things, keep working with the heart (contact me if you want further advice or clarification on this, working with chakras and the ideas talked about here) and hopefully with the heart and further advice if necessary, you will both move to where you need to be in each other's lives.
To contact me with any queries, or for a paid advice session via email or telephone, email nataliewindsor@live.co.uk
Dreams, Visions, Fantasies - Time to Begin my Career in Healing and Holistics
Healing Assignment
Remembrance
Past lives, intuition, remembering all my skills and all I have learned.
Stimulated by conversations with my counsellors on confidence, a section of past advice that is affecting me negatively now (perhaps because it's redundant, I'm not sure), and on my honest and true-to-self self expression, and stimulated by visions and a feeling of OK from guides or angels, and also stimulated by a few people whom I have helped successfully in trial sessions, I have decided to advertise myself as helping with dream interpretation and doing aura sketches. I feel comfortable with this.
Could I also advertise myself as a spiritual teacher? Run meditation groups? Regular sound baths? I would really like to.. I am afraid of that, yet it is the most fundamental part of what I do and it would greatly benefit others if I could share that?
I am tired of being afraid of helping people in case I damage them or give the wrong advice. I feel this time that starting out on the path of actually making money from the work that I do everyday (helping friends, family and strangers), will motivate me to improve my skills and mainly revise existing ones as most of it I have learned already, and I will naturally speak responsibly and with great sensitivity and attention to detail in a structured, pre arranged healing or advisory etc. session.
This is also helping me to develop a better relationship with my own dreams - I have always had fantastic dreams but my relationship with them has suffered since I became a parent, perhaps due to interrupted sleep, inadequate length of 'dreamtime' or lie-ins on my own, and general neglect of this wonderful side of myself - vision, fantasy, dreaming etc. I have also decided to dedicate more time to real imagination - imagining workshops, healing sessions, other career things, designing a healing hut and an ideal house and garden, and other things. Remembering to use it during the Sirian and occasionally other meditations to create beautiful visions beyond comparison. Sights, sounds, smells, feelings.
Remembrance
Past lives, intuition, remembering all my skills and all I have learned.
Stimulated by conversations with my counsellors on confidence, a section of past advice that is affecting me negatively now (perhaps because it's redundant, I'm not sure), and on my honest and true-to-self self expression, and stimulated by visions and a feeling of OK from guides or angels, and also stimulated by a few people whom I have helped successfully in trial sessions, I have decided to advertise myself as helping with dream interpretation and doing aura sketches. I feel comfortable with this.
Could I also advertise myself as a spiritual teacher? Run meditation groups? Regular sound baths? I would really like to.. I am afraid of that, yet it is the most fundamental part of what I do and it would greatly benefit others if I could share that?
I am tired of being afraid of helping people in case I damage them or give the wrong advice. I feel this time that starting out on the path of actually making money from the work that I do everyday (helping friends, family and strangers), will motivate me to improve my skills and mainly revise existing ones as most of it I have learned already, and I will naturally speak responsibly and with great sensitivity and attention to detail in a structured, pre arranged healing or advisory etc. session.
This is also helping me to develop a better relationship with my own dreams - I have always had fantastic dreams but my relationship with them has suffered since I became a parent, perhaps due to interrupted sleep, inadequate length of 'dreamtime' or lie-ins on my own, and general neglect of this wonderful side of myself - vision, fantasy, dreaming etc. I have also decided to dedicate more time to real imagination - imagining workshops, healing sessions, other career things, designing a healing hut and an ideal house and garden, and other things. Remembering to use it during the Sirian and occasionally other meditations to create beautiful visions beyond comparison. Sights, sounds, smells, feelings.
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
My Favourite Teas
Yogi Tea - Cinnamon Spice
This smells amazing and the box design is beautiful. A wide palette of spices for the nose :-)
Yogi Tea - Chocolate Tea
This is perfect if you are craving chocolate but need to skip the calories and it has lovely spicy scents :-)
Love Tea
This is one of my favourite teas for many reasons, and I really feel it works on the chakras and perhaps this is what the makers intended - lavender for the brow and eyes, camomile for the solar plexus, rose for the heart, all blended beautifully :-)
Mr Scruff Tea - Mint and Chilli Tea
A tasty tea and great if you are bored of normal peppermint - you can barely taste the chilli unless you brew for Britain! The chilli makes it really refreshing! The box has added lovely cartoons on! I really want to try the other flavours - available from branches of Selfridges.
Vanilla Rooibos Tea
I love all kinds of rooibos (or red bush) tea, but especially this one that has a lovely sweet edge to it from the vanilla, bringing out caramel flavours.
Masala Chai Tea
I love chai blends - they're lovely on their own, stewed with soy milk, or added to rooibos.
Genmaicha
Roasted brown rice tea from Japan, this is absolutely heavenly for me at the moment - it must be the perfect tea for the onset of Autumn though I love it at any time of year and it really reminds me of eating and drinking in cafes in Japan :-)
Roasted malty earthy flavours yet delicate, light and refreshing, without the bitterness of a sencha green tea, (as long as you don't brew too long).
Hojicha & Kukicha
These also remind me of cafes in Japan where lovely varieties of green tea are available on tap, free refill :-) malty flavours, roasted twigs and lovely, earthy scents.
Rose Tea
I love rose tea, especially ones with less black tea blended in - reminding me of the heart chakra, I love the beautiful deep scents that relax me and calm me down..
This smells amazing and the box design is beautiful. A wide palette of spices for the nose :-)
Yogi Tea - Chocolate Tea
This is perfect if you are craving chocolate but need to skip the calories and it has lovely spicy scents :-)
Love Tea
This is one of my favourite teas for many reasons, and I really feel it works on the chakras and perhaps this is what the makers intended - lavender for the brow and eyes, camomile for the solar plexus, rose for the heart, all blended beautifully :-)
Mr Scruff Tea - Mint and Chilli Tea
A tasty tea and great if you are bored of normal peppermint - you can barely taste the chilli unless you brew for Britain! The chilli makes it really refreshing! The box has added lovely cartoons on! I really want to try the other flavours - available from branches of Selfridges.
Vanilla Rooibos Tea
I love all kinds of rooibos (or red bush) tea, but especially this one that has a lovely sweet edge to it from the vanilla, bringing out caramel flavours.
Masala Chai Tea
I love chai blends - they're lovely on their own, stewed with soy milk, or added to rooibos.
Genmaicha
Roasted brown rice tea from Japan, this is absolutely heavenly for me at the moment - it must be the perfect tea for the onset of Autumn though I love it at any time of year and it really reminds me of eating and drinking in cafes in Japan :-)
Roasted malty earthy flavours yet delicate, light and refreshing, without the bitterness of a sencha green tea, (as long as you don't brew too long).
Hojicha & Kukicha
These also remind me of cafes in Japan where lovely varieties of green tea are available on tap, free refill :-) malty flavours, roasted twigs and lovely, earthy scents.
Rose Tea
I love rose tea, especially ones with less black tea blended in - reminding me of the heart chakra, I love the beautiful deep scents that relax me and calm me down..
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Divorce - Disgusting. Now I'm angry and I rarely get this angry! Feminists alert!
Dear British Government.
Why is it that I cannot divorce simply because I do not wish to be married any more? (You have to have been separated for 2 years well 2 years is a bloody long time when your grandfather refuses to speak to or see your new prospective fiance until divorce has gone through..)
Why do I have to tell a complete stranger extremely personal and painful facts that are now long in the past?
It is not your business, neither is it your business as a ruling body to tell me whether or not YOU feel I am allowed to get a divorce.
I did not have to pay a solicitor in order to get married, nor seek special permission - you do not have to detail a complex history of past abuses etc, have you been faithful to previous partners etc before marrying so why should I have to do so for divorce?
Likewise, I did not have to go via deedpoll to change my name into my ex- husband's name, so why should I have to go via deed poll and PAY that's it PAY ladies to change my name back into the bloody name I was born with? Disgusting. I am absolutely disgusted and it takes a lot to disgust me - I like ratemypoo.com for god's sake!
The fact that you can get it for free on income support is simply not good enough - many people would find the kind of paperwork needed to apply for income support completely mind boggling, confusing, lengthy, depressing and off putting. But that's another story.
A masculine system developed for controlling and regulating the people. This government is a controlling, nanny government that refuses to allow the people to make their own decisions and trust their own inner judgment.
Ok, I know the governmenet etc is getting better and better, but here is an example of an age old institution that noone has challenged and they bloody well should!!!
Marriage should not serve as the Government's way of controlling society, keeping the economy stable. It should be for love, and when the love fades, it should be allowed to go its own natural course, pure and bloody simple.
And by the way, is it really fair and just to humans that sex with another person, even if you have separated from your partner, is classed as adultery? Does the law, and thus the government, the UN and society really as a whole really expect that I abstain from sex for a whole bloody two years and more until a divorce has come through? Ridiculous, cruel, controlling, and not right at all, whatsoever. And I BET the people who make these bloody rules don't do the same themselves.
Why is it that I cannot divorce simply because I do not wish to be married any more? (You have to have been separated for 2 years well 2 years is a bloody long time when your grandfather refuses to speak to or see your new prospective fiance until divorce has gone through..)
Why do I have to tell a complete stranger extremely personal and painful facts that are now long in the past?
It is not your business, neither is it your business as a ruling body to tell me whether or not YOU feel I am allowed to get a divorce.
I did not have to pay a solicitor in order to get married, nor seek special permission - you do not have to detail a complex history of past abuses etc, have you been faithful to previous partners etc before marrying so why should I have to do so for divorce?
Likewise, I did not have to go via deedpoll to change my name into my ex- husband's name, so why should I have to go via deed poll and PAY that's it PAY ladies to change my name back into the bloody name I was born with? Disgusting. I am absolutely disgusted and it takes a lot to disgust me - I like ratemypoo.com for god's sake!
The fact that you can get it for free on income support is simply not good enough - many people would find the kind of paperwork needed to apply for income support completely mind boggling, confusing, lengthy, depressing and off putting. But that's another story.
A masculine system developed for controlling and regulating the people. This government is a controlling, nanny government that refuses to allow the people to make their own decisions and trust their own inner judgment.
Ok, I know the governmenet etc is getting better and better, but here is an example of an age old institution that noone has challenged and they bloody well should!!!
Marriage should not serve as the Government's way of controlling society, keeping the economy stable. It should be for love, and when the love fades, it should be allowed to go its own natural course, pure and bloody simple.
And by the way, is it really fair and just to humans that sex with another person, even if you have separated from your partner, is classed as adultery? Does the law, and thus the government, the UN and society really as a whole really expect that I abstain from sex for a whole bloody two years and more until a divorce has come through? Ridiculous, cruel, controlling, and not right at all, whatsoever. And I BET the people who make these bloody rules don't do the same themselves.
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Successes, Massive Ramblings!!!
Successes... Life is on the up... I was telling myself, how can life get anymore up? Maybe I don't need to meditate anymore?
But actually, many good things have happened and I am now actually doing what my assignment from Paul recommends and meditating nearly twice a day,
the cats are getting more and more settled in, having explored the front garden and are learning to handle traffic on the road, are beginning to sleep when I'm in the sane room as them, have found them some lovely new cat biscuits with grass and minerals in for indoor cats, have discovered that if I put the full 5cm of litter into their tray, they behave like they should in the wild and bury their poo.
(If they don't have enough litter, they just leave the poo on top!)
One day, I WILL have a beautiful garden and they WILL poo in it! Lol. And one day, we will all snuggle and cuddle up together, they will enjoy being carried! It frustrates me that, as with Lizzy, it's not come naturally to them. How can any being not want to be cuddled? But maybe it's the stress of moving. Maybe they're permanently wound up.. They seem to be gradually winding down, now they are getting used to the routine, now the furniture is largely in one place, they have mastered the cat flap just about, etc... Even getting used to my daughter slowly! Tempted to use flower essences but cats notoriously fear spray? Maybe a dab instead?
Lizzy is actually using her potty now! Almost every time she needs the loo! Even last thing at night and first thing in the morning! Nearly run out of potty stickers although maybe that's good, it'll help her from becoming too dependent on them?
I attended the second part of my Siriun Healing Course and I loved it, although it was somewhat dampened by the news that a member and long standing friend of my teacher had passed away. It was a shame to see Paul and Sue so stressed out, really hope they manage to unwind this week and reconnect, take on board all that wonderful advice that came through the ethers!
I met a lovely person though, a surprising place to find a friend, a kindred spirit :-)it was also lovely and refreshing to hang out with Paul, Sue and everyone from the course and wind down, get to know them a bit better. It was amazing to get out into nature, wish I could do it more...it was also lovely exploring somewhere on my own - I miss that, the freedom to walk where I like in the country, at my own pace.
I had a lovely vision reminding me of some powerful spiritual experiences in my life - the time I left the Baha'i temple in Delhi feeling like I was Jesus (not quite as mad and egotistical as it may sound!!) completely connected, calm, trysting, loving, feeling slightly above people in a loving sense - able to bless and look at everyone as a loving, divine soul, full of potential and openness, purity. No fear of strangers or men anymore, for me at that time and perhaps I need to remember that now, too.
Also the experience during my awakening when all of a sudden, all the intense psychic activity stopped and I had a clear vision that I was God. And God clambered down into my head, and sat into my body, casually unzipping, like clambering into a jumpsuit or space suit, and thought to himself, what shall I do here? What shall I change, what shall I create? The potential was limitless, anything good was possible, and I felt completely calm and in control.
I will be using these ideas a lot in the next month or so to help me feel more able to heal and help people in a higher sense, using healing energy and love, through my hands now as well as radiation.
Meanwhile, I am really looking forward to the future..and hope the castle painting and writing this will help me to do it more! Symbols flood me that I long to paint, draw, create - The Cupcake of Glory (cf Edward Monkton crossed with Cath Kidston and mucho vibrancy and glitz!), Home is Where the Heart Is, Vintage Roses, dried flowers and herb garlands and pot pouuris, Culpeper, faded reds, roses, china blues and those hilarious kitsch feminist vintage signs sold by fairtrade Evolution et al, (eg I just smile because I have no idea what's going on!' 'In the evening give my family two choices for dinner - Take it or leave it!' etc) create a beautiful living room, and artwork to go in it! I am currently making a Cinderella replica castle for Lizzy's birthday - it's one of those projects that is really for me, my enjoyment and deep spiritual reflection as much as it is a present and project to work on with Elizabeth - perhaps slightly more for me actually!
We hope to go to Disney in 18 months and the castle for me symbolises true love, a true home, a truly beautiful abode fit for a princess, a new marriage better and more fairytale-like and truly magical, sparkly, feminine and glitter than before!
Davey and I believe, I think! That true love is possible, fairytale love, the kind that is simple, open about our deepest, most childlike feelings, and never dies! One with a perfect placement of gender roles, although is slightly gay at the same time!!
I want to save for this beautiful, princess, fairytale future, I want to have another child - a boy - and I want to live abroad if it's right, or at least travel a lot! And maybe we could even get married in Disneyland... Selfish having an overseas wedding? But centring? Neither of us have got down on one knee and 'properly' proposed yet... I want to shut up and wait hopefully to be proposed to, yet I can't stop thinking and planning... What kind of wedding could we have? A handfasting by a lake, in a field, in a wood? What if it didn't work? How awful and embarrassing would that be if I ruined another marriage, if I became a serial marrier?
I want to have faith that I'm not that stupid, that it was all destiny, the guides led me to Matt, and then led me to David.. Yet they did suggest some other people fleetingly, tauntingly for me just as I made the break. I said no. And that, I hope, is the central thing, although Paul and the guides really helped shove me in a new direction, if they had tried to help me fall in love with Tony Blair, I really couldn't have done it!!
I do wonder... Back when I first met Matt they were funny times.. I remember sitting there and praying, 'Please let me fall in love with Matt as I don't want to hurt him!' I prayed this as I could sense he was the kind of person that wanted to settle - a one woman kind of guy, like my dear best friend Phil and beloved colleague Steve (who I had avoided going out with for similar reasons - I knew I would eventually leave them as they were too nice for me - I was too much of a true Stokie or bloke - swearing, drinking, enjoying adventurous sex... I had a long history and path of lots of partners and I felt this wouldn't work with these innocent, one-woman guys. But with Matt, I felt things were drawing to a close, a sex-spree chapter of my life was closing and I should now really settle, have a kid, marry for practical reasons rather than just love, as love had failed me so many times, I felt (or at least with Andrew, Alinka, Daryl - those relationships with whom I had been the most magnetically and powerfully attracted to on many levels, had collapsed the most painfully and dramatically.
Hence, and for various other experiential reasons eg. meeting my Muslim Indian relatives, seeing how relatively happy they seemed, and reflecting on arranged marriage, I had lost faith in the powers of pure attraction - Matt and I were astrological opposites, complements like yin and yang, and complements in Chinese Astrology, I never had met, nor thought I would meet anyone who practises music and meditation (and vegan/vegetarianism in the past) both to high levels, so I thought maybe it's destiny?
Ah well, who knows how it will pan out in the end, I am really happy now we're friends, it all feels so much better. I wish there were more of this inner knowing, feel good, less of the worry with Davey... I hope my fears will heal with time...I'm so scared of fluffing it all up but I really feel that it's right - that Matt and I could never have lasted as a couple, regardless of circumstance... It's all to do with placing.. As a Stoke home bird with most of my soul family based there too, I need someone whose roots are also there? I wish I could stop worrying, I just want to get married, shout about my plans and feelings without guilt, want Davey to be truly accepted into the bosom of the family now... I am angry at the idea that I need to pay money to get bits of paper to get it all accepted and legit and secure... Surely it should be equally easy to cohabit, or even not cohabit, and still be as accepted? And of course, with time, Davey would be accepted if I for some reason couldn't afford a divorce and 2nd wedding...even then, there is no civil ceremony to opt in Davey as a second Dad, a cater, a guardian, and bless him and welcome him as part of the family... Maybe I could invent one?
Will everything fall apart and get destroyed if I don't dk thus? Does everything feel so bad, so wrong right now because I having done anything official? Or because I haven't voiced any of this, having talked to anyone? I know talking is so important, I know I should try and follow PBs advice and get counselling, but with my Dad to pay back, and Disney to save for, there is no room in my current budget for Sirian studies, healing, or counselling, let alone saving for a wedding, a mortgage deposit, Lizzy's university and wedding...
Sigh. I try not to feel like my life is insane, doomed to fail... I don't want to let the singing a go, I want to develop it - all I have to do is a simple classical/baroque website, a demo cd, a CV and that's it...
And what to do with the musical theatre, jazz, rock, punk, pop leanings? I guess they will slot in as and when, maybe stem from my classical reputation...
And healing... How on earth can I make money from this, will I ever?!! I think I will, but I have to sort out the music and establish that securely first otherwise I will always regret it. Which leaves driving... That's another thing I could add to my budget... Having spent 3 years draining my Dad dry to learn (lol) it seems silly not to use that too... If I could share Davey's car or get my own Eco car then I would be happy... Even an electrical car? The planet will invent and distribute the new technology on time.. It has to, we're doomed to succeed...?
As always, focus on mothering, healing, meditation, nurturing, relationships... Maybe that's it for me too as well as PB - getting relationship circle rearranged adequately, then I will be using my time effectively enough spiritually to fit work in properly? I really can't envision myself having time for daily singing practice, but I don't seem to need daily practice - my voice seems to work better with gradual fine tuning and attention - I can sing higher more easily since I stopped pushing it for hours on end... But then, my stamina could be better, I need to keep on top of that in case I'm asked to do something at the last minute.. Mind you, I WAS asked to do something at the last minute, literally the day before and I sight read it brilliantly and got a great review!
Now I've learned my lesson about spontaneity, confidence, and spiritual assistance in performances.. I think! I now need to remember performing, entertaining, making people laugh is as good as making them cry and sigh!
OMG is Anthpny K a spiritualist? What an opening line to his autobiography...'It seems clear to me that on some level, spirits choose their parents, because these potential parents possess certain traits and values that the soon-to-be child needs to assimilate during his or her lifetime..' Spooky, chills down my spine...why doesn't he write more spiritual lyrics then? Maybe trauma release and expression clearing out, maybe the spiritualwill come with age or maybe it has, I mean 'I'm a little pea' is pretty profound in a childlike (the ultimate best) way.
I'm seeing a pattern here then... Billy Corgan, Anthony Kiedis, Robbie Williams, Tony Blair, Neil Hannon, Cerys Matthews, Tom Cruise... Do all my favourite celebrities has spiritual and philosophical leanings? Is this why they're my favourite celebrities? I know PB has written of not seeing out of the ordinary colours around celebrities, but here I wonder, how many of my gave celebrities could awaken to use their influence for more good - many already have through their work and lyrics..
But actually, many good things have happened and I am now actually doing what my assignment from Paul recommends and meditating nearly twice a day,
the cats are getting more and more settled in, having explored the front garden and are learning to handle traffic on the road, are beginning to sleep when I'm in the sane room as them, have found them some lovely new cat biscuits with grass and minerals in for indoor cats, have discovered that if I put the full 5cm of litter into their tray, they behave like they should in the wild and bury their poo.
(If they don't have enough litter, they just leave the poo on top!)
One day, I WILL have a beautiful garden and they WILL poo in it! Lol. And one day, we will all snuggle and cuddle up together, they will enjoy being carried! It frustrates me that, as with Lizzy, it's not come naturally to them. How can any being not want to be cuddled? But maybe it's the stress of moving. Maybe they're permanently wound up.. They seem to be gradually winding down, now they are getting used to the routine, now the furniture is largely in one place, they have mastered the cat flap just about, etc... Even getting used to my daughter slowly! Tempted to use flower essences but cats notoriously fear spray? Maybe a dab instead?
Lizzy is actually using her potty now! Almost every time she needs the loo! Even last thing at night and first thing in the morning! Nearly run out of potty stickers although maybe that's good, it'll help her from becoming too dependent on them?
I attended the second part of my Siriun Healing Course and I loved it, although it was somewhat dampened by the news that a member and long standing friend of my teacher had passed away. It was a shame to see Paul and Sue so stressed out, really hope they manage to unwind this week and reconnect, take on board all that wonderful advice that came through the ethers!
I met a lovely person though, a surprising place to find a friend, a kindred spirit :-)it was also lovely and refreshing to hang out with Paul, Sue and everyone from the course and wind down, get to know them a bit better. It was amazing to get out into nature, wish I could do it more...it was also lovely exploring somewhere on my own - I miss that, the freedom to walk where I like in the country, at my own pace.
I had a lovely vision reminding me of some powerful spiritual experiences in my life - the time I left the Baha'i temple in Delhi feeling like I was Jesus (not quite as mad and egotistical as it may sound!!) completely connected, calm, trysting, loving, feeling slightly above people in a loving sense - able to bless and look at everyone as a loving, divine soul, full of potential and openness, purity. No fear of strangers or men anymore, for me at that time and perhaps I need to remember that now, too.
Also the experience during my awakening when all of a sudden, all the intense psychic activity stopped and I had a clear vision that I was God. And God clambered down into my head, and sat into my body, casually unzipping, like clambering into a jumpsuit or space suit, and thought to himself, what shall I do here? What shall I change, what shall I create? The potential was limitless, anything good was possible, and I felt completely calm and in control.
I will be using these ideas a lot in the next month or so to help me feel more able to heal and help people in a higher sense, using healing energy and love, through my hands now as well as radiation.
Meanwhile, I am really looking forward to the future..and hope the castle painting and writing this will help me to do it more! Symbols flood me that I long to paint, draw, create - The Cupcake of Glory (cf Edward Monkton crossed with Cath Kidston and mucho vibrancy and glitz!), Home is Where the Heart Is, Vintage Roses, dried flowers and herb garlands and pot pouuris, Culpeper, faded reds, roses, china blues and those hilarious kitsch feminist vintage signs sold by fairtrade Evolution et al, (eg I just smile because I have no idea what's going on!' 'In the evening give my family two choices for dinner - Take it or leave it!' etc) create a beautiful living room, and artwork to go in it! I am currently making a Cinderella replica castle for Lizzy's birthday - it's one of those projects that is really for me, my enjoyment and deep spiritual reflection as much as it is a present and project to work on with Elizabeth - perhaps slightly more for me actually!
We hope to go to Disney in 18 months and the castle for me symbolises true love, a true home, a truly beautiful abode fit for a princess, a new marriage better and more fairytale-like and truly magical, sparkly, feminine and glitter than before!
Davey and I believe, I think! That true love is possible, fairytale love, the kind that is simple, open about our deepest, most childlike feelings, and never dies! One with a perfect placement of gender roles, although is slightly gay at the same time!!
I want to save for this beautiful, princess, fairytale future, I want to have another child - a boy - and I want to live abroad if it's right, or at least travel a lot! And maybe we could even get married in Disneyland... Selfish having an overseas wedding? But centring? Neither of us have got down on one knee and 'properly' proposed yet... I want to shut up and wait hopefully to be proposed to, yet I can't stop thinking and planning... What kind of wedding could we have? A handfasting by a lake, in a field, in a wood? What if it didn't work? How awful and embarrassing would that be if I ruined another marriage, if I became a serial marrier?
I want to have faith that I'm not that stupid, that it was all destiny, the guides led me to Matt, and then led me to David.. Yet they did suggest some other people fleetingly, tauntingly for me just as I made the break. I said no. And that, I hope, is the central thing, although Paul and the guides really helped shove me in a new direction, if they had tried to help me fall in love with Tony Blair, I really couldn't have done it!!
I do wonder... Back when I first met Matt they were funny times.. I remember sitting there and praying, 'Please let me fall in love with Matt as I don't want to hurt him!' I prayed this as I could sense he was the kind of person that wanted to settle - a one woman kind of guy, like my dear best friend Phil and beloved colleague Steve (who I had avoided going out with for similar reasons - I knew I would eventually leave them as they were too nice for me - I was too much of a true Stokie or bloke - swearing, drinking, enjoying adventurous sex... I had a long history and path of lots of partners and I felt this wouldn't work with these innocent, one-woman guys. But with Matt, I felt things were drawing to a close, a sex-spree chapter of my life was closing and I should now really settle, have a kid, marry for practical reasons rather than just love, as love had failed me so many times, I felt (or at least with Andrew, Alinka, Daryl - those relationships with whom I had been the most magnetically and powerfully attracted to on many levels, had collapsed the most painfully and dramatically.
Hence, and for various other experiential reasons eg. meeting my Muslim Indian relatives, seeing how relatively happy they seemed, and reflecting on arranged marriage, I had lost faith in the powers of pure attraction - Matt and I were astrological opposites, complements like yin and yang, and complements in Chinese Astrology, I never had met, nor thought I would meet anyone who practises music and meditation (and vegan/vegetarianism in the past) both to high levels, so I thought maybe it's destiny?
Ah well, who knows how it will pan out in the end, I am really happy now we're friends, it all feels so much better. I wish there were more of this inner knowing, feel good, less of the worry with Davey... I hope my fears will heal with time...I'm so scared of fluffing it all up but I really feel that it's right - that Matt and I could never have lasted as a couple, regardless of circumstance... It's all to do with placing.. As a Stoke home bird with most of my soul family based there too, I need someone whose roots are also there? I wish I could stop worrying, I just want to get married, shout about my plans and feelings without guilt, want Davey to be truly accepted into the bosom of the family now... I am angry at the idea that I need to pay money to get bits of paper to get it all accepted and legit and secure... Surely it should be equally easy to cohabit, or even not cohabit, and still be as accepted? And of course, with time, Davey would be accepted if I for some reason couldn't afford a divorce and 2nd wedding...even then, there is no civil ceremony to opt in Davey as a second Dad, a cater, a guardian, and bless him and welcome him as part of the family... Maybe I could invent one?
Will everything fall apart and get destroyed if I don't dk thus? Does everything feel so bad, so wrong right now because I having done anything official? Or because I haven't voiced any of this, having talked to anyone? I know talking is so important, I know I should try and follow PBs advice and get counselling, but with my Dad to pay back, and Disney to save for, there is no room in my current budget for Sirian studies, healing, or counselling, let alone saving for a wedding, a mortgage deposit, Lizzy's university and wedding...
Sigh. I try not to feel like my life is insane, doomed to fail... I don't want to let the singing a go, I want to develop it - all I have to do is a simple classical/baroque website, a demo cd, a CV and that's it...
And what to do with the musical theatre, jazz, rock, punk, pop leanings? I guess they will slot in as and when, maybe stem from my classical reputation...
And healing... How on earth can I make money from this, will I ever?!! I think I will, but I have to sort out the music and establish that securely first otherwise I will always regret it. Which leaves driving... That's another thing I could add to my budget... Having spent 3 years draining my Dad dry to learn (lol) it seems silly not to use that too... If I could share Davey's car or get my own Eco car then I would be happy... Even an electrical car? The planet will invent and distribute the new technology on time.. It has to, we're doomed to succeed...?
As always, focus on mothering, healing, meditation, nurturing, relationships... Maybe that's it for me too as well as PB - getting relationship circle rearranged adequately, then I will be using my time effectively enough spiritually to fit work in properly? I really can't envision myself having time for daily singing practice, but I don't seem to need daily practice - my voice seems to work better with gradual fine tuning and attention - I can sing higher more easily since I stopped pushing it for hours on end... But then, my stamina could be better, I need to keep on top of that in case I'm asked to do something at the last minute.. Mind you, I WAS asked to do something at the last minute, literally the day before and I sight read it brilliantly and got a great review!
Now I've learned my lesson about spontaneity, confidence, and spiritual assistance in performances.. I think! I now need to remember performing, entertaining, making people laugh is as good as making them cry and sigh!
OMG is Anthpny K a spiritualist? What an opening line to his autobiography...'It seems clear to me that on some level, spirits choose their parents, because these potential parents possess certain traits and values that the soon-to-be child needs to assimilate during his or her lifetime..' Spooky, chills down my spine...why doesn't he write more spiritual lyrics then? Maybe trauma release and expression clearing out, maybe the spiritualwill come with age or maybe it has, I mean 'I'm a little pea' is pretty profound in a childlike (the ultimate best) way.
I'm seeing a pattern here then... Billy Corgan, Anthony Kiedis, Robbie Williams, Tony Blair, Neil Hannon, Cerys Matthews, Tom Cruise... Do all my favourite celebrities has spiritual and philosophical leanings? Is this why they're my favourite celebrities? I know PB has written of not seeing out of the ordinary colours around celebrities, but here I wonder, how many of my gave celebrities could awaken to use their influence for more good - many already have through their work and lyrics..
Friday, 27 May 2011
Favourite Quotes from my 2 Year Old Daughter!
Quotes -
Davey: on his first evening faced with a somewhat daunting challenge of reading daughter to sleep, banged knee on bookcase while searching for another bedtime story.
Lizzy:
Offering words of caring advice, as always (she is a very caring, motherly little soul) 'Just let it bleed! it'll be alright!'
During a stressful time navigating from the M6 to Birmingham central, in heavy traffic, the new boyfriend chauferring us to drop Lizzy with the ex husband's house for the first time, and guess what, the ex parents in law (who possibly hate me and havent spoken a word to me hardly since the split), are going to be there!
Meanwhile on planet 2 3/4year old daughter: 'Is it junction 11a? What a lovely name for a road! Is that junction 11a? 'Hello, my name's junction 11a!''
Beth, aged 2 and 10 months 'I've drunk too much apple juice'
Carole: 'How do you know?'
'Because it made me do a burp!'
Lizzy: Playing peepo with the new cat, who is hiding, possibly terrified, behind the sofa.
She runs to one end, looks at it, screeches with delight and mock fear then runs to the other, looks at it, laughs and screeches with mock fear and delight. What a great game! She loves to play this pretend peep game with animals. I wonder, does the animal respond and give her 'A funny wink' as she puts it?!
Lizzy:
'I'm scared of the cat!' me: 'What are you scared of Lizzy?' 'I'm scared of it's furry little legs!!' she said, lovingly grinning profusely!
'Yorkshire is a place. Yorkshire is a state of mind' Howard Moon
Lizzy 'Can I look at you eating your sweets Davey?'
Lizzy, talking about bath preferences: 'I don't like a CLEAN bath, I like my bath to be STINKY'
Lizzy: on showing a new dance:'This is the Bum Bamp!' She sticks her bum out as far as she can to the side!
Davey: on his first evening faced with a somewhat daunting challenge of reading daughter to sleep, banged knee on bookcase while searching for another bedtime story.
Lizzy:
Offering words of caring advice, as always (she is a very caring, motherly little soul) 'Just let it bleed! it'll be alright!'
During a stressful time navigating from the M6 to Birmingham central, in heavy traffic, the new boyfriend chauferring us to drop Lizzy with the ex husband's house for the first time, and guess what, the ex parents in law (who possibly hate me and havent spoken a word to me hardly since the split), are going to be there!
Meanwhile on planet 2 3/4year old daughter: 'Is it junction 11a? What a lovely name for a road! Is that junction 11a? 'Hello, my name's junction 11a!''
Beth, aged 2 and 10 months 'I've drunk too much apple juice'
Carole: 'How do you know?'
'Because it made me do a burp!'
Lizzy: Playing peepo with the new cat, who is hiding, possibly terrified, behind the sofa.
She runs to one end, looks at it, screeches with delight and mock fear then runs to the other, looks at it, laughs and screeches with mock fear and delight. What a great game! She loves to play this pretend peep game with animals. I wonder, does the animal respond and give her 'A funny wink' as she puts it?!
Lizzy:
'I'm scared of the cat!' me: 'What are you scared of Lizzy?' 'I'm scared of it's furry little legs!!' she said, lovingly grinning profusely!
'Yorkshire is a place. Yorkshire is a state of mind' Howard Moon
Lizzy 'Can I look at you eating your sweets Davey?'
Lizzy, talking about bath preferences: 'I don't like a CLEAN bath, I like my bath to be STINKY'
Lizzy: on showing a new dance:'This is the Bum Bamp!' She sticks her bum out as far as she can to the side!
Friday, 13 May 2011
My Favourite Person In All The World
My silly iPhone won't let me post photos on here.
Perhaps the most relieving moment of my week has been seeing Davey. I was beginning to feel increasingly insecure, stressed, about him staying the night whilst Lizzy was also staying - owing to the sheer workload and stress of housework, weaning, endless story reading and cleaning, attempting to care for Liz without Davey feeling left out, attempting to create love and romance with Davey without Liz feeling left out or being too inappropriate (in all honesty I'm not completely sure what appropriate is apart from the obvious).
But my fears were allayed as soon as I saw you :-)
And it was so relaxing, so pleasant, so romantic, so supportive, so everything I absolutely needed! I couldn't have wished for anything more! Well maybe a couple of things more ;-) but not much! It made me feel as other occasions have that we really could be a family - not just having a kid of our own but having Lizzy as our kid.
Living together happily, eventually.
Travelling together, joyfully.
Making music together, with lots of fun!
Learning reflecting and reasoning together.
Caring for the world and our dear friends together, with reasonable detachment.
(Maybe that's what I need! Eureka!!)
I love you Davey and I hope I upset noone else by writing this, I do truly love you too but I have to love one person and spend most of my time with one person more than anybody else. I think - I certainly want enough time to still look after everybody else as well, as much as they need it.
Lots of love to everyone xxxxx
Perhaps the most relieving moment of my week has been seeing Davey. I was beginning to feel increasingly insecure, stressed, about him staying the night whilst Lizzy was also staying - owing to the sheer workload and stress of housework, weaning, endless story reading and cleaning, attempting to care for Liz without Davey feeling left out, attempting to create love and romance with Davey without Liz feeling left out or being too inappropriate (in all honesty I'm not completely sure what appropriate is apart from the obvious).
But my fears were allayed as soon as I saw you :-)
And it was so relaxing, so pleasant, so romantic, so supportive, so everything I absolutely needed! I couldn't have wished for anything more! Well maybe a couple of things more ;-) but not much! It made me feel as other occasions have that we really could be a family - not just having a kid of our own but having Lizzy as our kid.
Living together happily, eventually.
Travelling together, joyfully.
Making music together, with lots of fun!
Learning reflecting and reasoning together.
Caring for the world and our dear friends together, with reasonable detachment.
(Maybe that's what I need! Eureka!!)
I love you Davey and I hope I upset noone else by writing this, I do truly love you too but I have to love one person and spend most of my time with one person more than anybody else. I think - I certainly want enough time to still look after everybody else as well, as much as they need it.
Lots of love to everyone xxxxx
Let's Write Something Positive!
I don't usually write diary style entries on here, but the poetry isn't there this month and I am clearing out my brow and eye chakras so let's write all the nice things that have happened this week! (Well the ones I am allowed to write about on here ;-) ).
Cats
My Mum is adamant that the names for my new cats should be 'Shouldn't of' (colloquial Mum does know propa grammar ;-) ) and 'Had 'em' !
She feels I shouldn't spend my money on extra tiny furry little mouths to feed.
I've worried I can't give them the time and attention they need.
However as I've discussed alternative healing type solutions with the previous owner twice and he seems insistent on believing that his son's eczema will be cured upon removal of said beloved, much pampered cats, I think I need to let go, not feel guilty, give it a go and commit to gradual integration of furry felines into our crazy developing household.
You see I said our there... What does our mean? I rarely used or felt 'our' even when living with Matt and Lizzy in a marital situation. Now with lively lovely boyfriend staying over a few nights a week and gradually coming into our lives in nice helpful and fun wats, I feel much happy with the 'our', pronounced 'ah' in a truly loving and balanced way...
The positive with the cats?
Despite my fears, they do seem to be gradually integrating and bonding.
Beth or Lizzy
What's in a name? I still want to stop calling my daughter Lizzy, and call her Beth all the time instead. Beth represents to me peace, tranquility, shamla, love, an integration of heart and crown. Rose and green. I wish she would not be angry with me when I refuse to feed her breastmilk anymore...I wish she would stop being angry completely, stop being so wilful...'Graceful Parenting' says that wherever possible, in a power struggle between parent and child, give the power to the child.
I used to agree with this a little, never completely. Now I just plain disagree.
And Iliana? This was the name shown to me in my first trimester when I tried to ask for her name psychically. It showed White. And Rose as a secondary colour. A dancer, a true girl, a princess, a tall slender beautiful blonde haired girl who loved beauty and dance. And you know, that IS Elizabeth. Negatives were the tendency to be a little self centred and princessy.
Matt didn't want the name Iliana or Ilana Tose. He thought it to be too Lord of the Ringsy. He thought she might get bullied. I felt like saying, 'I'll pick our female child's name and you can pick our male child's name'. But I bottled. I thought we should be equal parents and reach a compromise.
As pregnancy progressed and we argued more and more increasingly, so the name I saw in my vision for our new child became more and more low vibration. Close to the birth, White had disappeared from her incarnation ray and red and green were now her karmic colours - a child born needing to conquer anger, born of angry parents, needing love and forgiveness. A strong willed child.
I want to change this karma now.
I want to change her name.
Elizabeth Rose no more...
Beth Rose?
Iliana Rose?
Or do I need to separate the names from the colours?
Elizabeth Rose - What were the positives?
Strong willed. Balanced in the heart. Outdoorsy. Good with exercise. Strong legs and feet, a lover of running, jumping, climbing, as well as dance.
A loving, giving soul. Capable of great strength, generosity, and healing of others. The truth is she loves pink - pale delicate pink, girly pink, mid pink, peach, and deep pink. In time's of crisis, she is very good at comforting and nurturing me, even at her young age.
She likes to give a cuddle, a kiss on the lips, say I love you, good advice, and disperse stress with playing about and joking. She happily converses with any stranger and if she likes them, will even be picked up by them. She loves to go up to all the little girls, and some little boys of around her age and give them a cuddle in the shopping centre etc!
This is my doing and Matt's. We worked hard at this and need to be proud here and thank and congratulate each other. I transcended my karma here.
She is in a much more peaceful environment now. She has two loving homes to live in - one crazy free thinking jazz household with possibly lazy routines, and one that is aiming to be reasonable, rational, and structured and ordered. Well there probably isn't lots of difference between our households, not sure. One where she gets to sleep next to her Dad, and her Nan in Wirksworth, and lots of people who love her live there. One that is perhaps more strict and isolated, where she sleeps more alone, she is not the centre of attention in fact sometimes, she comes second to the other love of my life, but I think this is good for her as long as she is treated with love and respect.
Cats
My Mum is adamant that the names for my new cats should be 'Shouldn't of' (colloquial Mum does know propa grammar ;-) ) and 'Had 'em' !
She feels I shouldn't spend my money on extra tiny furry little mouths to feed.
I've worried I can't give them the time and attention they need.
However as I've discussed alternative healing type solutions with the previous owner twice and he seems insistent on believing that his son's eczema will be cured upon removal of said beloved, much pampered cats, I think I need to let go, not feel guilty, give it a go and commit to gradual integration of furry felines into our crazy developing household.
You see I said our there... What does our mean? I rarely used or felt 'our' even when living with Matt and Lizzy in a marital situation. Now with lively lovely boyfriend staying over a few nights a week and gradually coming into our lives in nice helpful and fun wats, I feel much happy with the 'our', pronounced 'ah' in a truly loving and balanced way...
The positive with the cats?
Despite my fears, they do seem to be gradually integrating and bonding.
Beth or Lizzy
What's in a name? I still want to stop calling my daughter Lizzy, and call her Beth all the time instead. Beth represents to me peace, tranquility, shamla, love, an integration of heart and crown. Rose and green. I wish she would not be angry with me when I refuse to feed her breastmilk anymore...I wish she would stop being angry completely, stop being so wilful...'Graceful Parenting' says that wherever possible, in a power struggle between parent and child, give the power to the child.
I used to agree with this a little, never completely. Now I just plain disagree.
And Iliana? This was the name shown to me in my first trimester when I tried to ask for her name psychically. It showed White. And Rose as a secondary colour. A dancer, a true girl, a princess, a tall slender beautiful blonde haired girl who loved beauty and dance. And you know, that IS Elizabeth. Negatives were the tendency to be a little self centred and princessy.
Matt didn't want the name Iliana or Ilana Tose. He thought it to be too Lord of the Ringsy. He thought she might get bullied. I felt like saying, 'I'll pick our female child's name and you can pick our male child's name'. But I bottled. I thought we should be equal parents and reach a compromise.
As pregnancy progressed and we argued more and more increasingly, so the name I saw in my vision for our new child became more and more low vibration. Close to the birth, White had disappeared from her incarnation ray and red and green were now her karmic colours - a child born needing to conquer anger, born of angry parents, needing love and forgiveness. A strong willed child.
I want to change this karma now.
I want to change her name.
Elizabeth Rose no more...
Beth Rose?
Iliana Rose?
Or do I need to separate the names from the colours?
Elizabeth Rose - What were the positives?
Strong willed. Balanced in the heart. Outdoorsy. Good with exercise. Strong legs and feet, a lover of running, jumping, climbing, as well as dance.
A loving, giving soul. Capable of great strength, generosity, and healing of others. The truth is she loves pink - pale delicate pink, girly pink, mid pink, peach, and deep pink. In time's of crisis, she is very good at comforting and nurturing me, even at her young age.
She likes to give a cuddle, a kiss on the lips, say I love you, good advice, and disperse stress with playing about and joking. She happily converses with any stranger and if she likes them, will even be picked up by them. She loves to go up to all the little girls, and some little boys of around her age and give them a cuddle in the shopping centre etc!
This is my doing and Matt's. We worked hard at this and need to be proud here and thank and congratulate each other. I transcended my karma here.
She is in a much more peaceful environment now. She has two loving homes to live in - one crazy free thinking jazz household with possibly lazy routines, and one that is aiming to be reasonable, rational, and structured and ordered. Well there probably isn't lots of difference between our households, not sure. One where she gets to sleep next to her Dad, and her Nan in Wirksworth, and lots of people who love her live there. One that is perhaps more strict and isolated, where she sleeps more alone, she is not the centre of attention in fact sometimes, she comes second to the other love of my life, but I think this is good for her as long as she is treated with love and respect.
Parenting, Breastfeeding on Demand.. New Thoughts and New Approach
Breastfeeding on Demand / on Cue (UK and US terms respectively)
New thoughts - comments, questions, differing viewpoints welcome.
Once my way of feeding my daughter, and a key NHS instruction (up until 6 months of age) I now disagree with this concept, particularly from a psychological/spiritual standpoint.
Why?
Because the word 'demand' psychologically links in UK English to being demanding. And I think it actually creates a demanding child if used in a certain way - the way I approached it.
Because it may denigrate the Mother's power, intuition, connection with her own self and what she wants, or would like for her child.
It may reduce the amount of input relatives are able to play in a child's early days.
What did I do?
At points of laziness and tiredness, every time Elizabeth cried, I put the nipple to her mouth.
Thus, comfort feeding was born.
When she began eating solids, she therefore happily accepted food as a form of comfort and boredom relief as well. And later, this evolved to play, TV, stories.
Not straight away, however.
When she was born, I remember noticing that before she cried for a feed, she uttered the sound 'ehoo' and I decided to feed her whenever she uttered this sound so that she would not learn to shout or scream for what she wanted.
However some problems with this psychologically:
1. She was still learning that whenever she asked what she wanted, even if politely, she would get it immediately, without question or delay.
This still set her up for shouting and screaming for what she wanted as this originates from an inability to emotionally handle not getting her way.
2. Thus she never learned patience and waiting, delaying pleasure, until much much later.
3. All this is assuming that she was crying because she was hungry which I cannot be sure of? Thus she may have learned from this to associate the breast with comfort.
On a mental level, I remember acting as a medium between the human and spiritual realms, but this exhausted me and didn't allow for me to trust the interpretations of other, non-psychic relatives and friends (and in reality, we all are psychic, just use it in different ways - every idea is psychic somehow?) I mentally asked the guides to translate for me and show me visions of why she was crying and this seemed successful but was tiring at points - I should have done it in small bursts on a higher level for emergencies only and wirked from tge heart, which would have helped me to balance and use other senses eg reading body language, listening to cries, using logic.. And generally letting others in an trusting their interpretations..
Mind you I am probably looking back too disparagingly on my efforts. I had a lot of success, learned a lot about Elizabeth, despite exhaustion and irritability at points and her becoming more attached to me because I interpreted her wants and needs better (isn't this the case with lots of Mums?) and of course I became too attached to her because I essentially felt that my expertise made me the best person to look after her.. All others were less capable and less knowledgeable.. I had to learn that parenting is natural - a book or technique is not the only thing required.
Mediumistic parenting only lasted successfully until she began to talk or make sounds that linked to words more regularly gradually fading out, oh no what really happened is that tuning in to her psychically all the time as a mother medium exgaustedxme psychologically and emotionally and I was delaying her speech development so switched it off for a few weeks or months then learned to listen to her on a purely physical level, interpreting the words she was trying to imitate.
I had been doing this when she was born too but gad eased off maybe as the psychic took over or patterns were established, I got used to interpreting certain basic cries.
What I think should happen:
The mother should decide if she feels like breastfeeding. Tuning into her body, she should ask herself, do I feel calm, comfortable, do my breasts feel full of milk or empty and dry, running low?
Some sources say that milk is supply on demand - the more baby sucks, the more milk is produced. However, this is not an excuse to keep the baby at the breast constantly. The mother needs a proper break away from baby to have a lovely meal, good sex, a massage or masturbation (perfect alone and retiming time after the birth, essential actually to help ger understand the changes her body has gone through and prepare her for sex again so she can communicate her findings to her partner, or maybe they can explore, supportively, together).
My reasoning is that a proper break, (alone time for the Mum or couple time, time with friends or at work etc) will help the Mum to FEEL GOOD which will help her milk supply to improve :-)
The power needs to rest within the mother, primarily, not the little baby.
Of course, medical monitoring is essential here and if the baby is not gaining weight and constant time at the breast helps it to gain weight then do so.
But my feeling is that a little break for Mum once or twice a day and rotas/shared parenting, (help from grannies if husbands/male partners are a bit clueless but don't let them sidle out of their duties! Be gentle and don't criticise the poor partner though, and don't overcriticise granny or Aunty either!) at night will do no harm to baby (babs).
If the mother does not feel like breastfeeding when the baby cries, try other methods of soothing first, to see if they work, eg a relative or friend, singing, playing and laughing, quiet and rest, etc. (Keep the sexual function of the nipples going, separately, if it feels right to the mother)
New thoughts - comments, questions, differing viewpoints welcome.
Once my way of feeding my daughter, and a key NHS instruction (up until 6 months of age) I now disagree with this concept, particularly from a psychological/spiritual standpoint.
Why?
Because the word 'demand' psychologically links in UK English to being demanding. And I think it actually creates a demanding child if used in a certain way - the way I approached it.
Because it may denigrate the Mother's power, intuition, connection with her own self and what she wants, or would like for her child.
It may reduce the amount of input relatives are able to play in a child's early days.
What did I do?
At points of laziness and tiredness, every time Elizabeth cried, I put the nipple to her mouth.
Thus, comfort feeding was born.
When she began eating solids, she therefore happily accepted food as a form of comfort and boredom relief as well. And later, this evolved to play, TV, stories.
Not straight away, however.
When she was born, I remember noticing that before she cried for a feed, she uttered the sound 'ehoo' and I decided to feed her whenever she uttered this sound so that she would not learn to shout or scream for what she wanted.
However some problems with this psychologically:
1. She was still learning that whenever she asked what she wanted, even if politely, she would get it immediately, without question or delay.
This still set her up for shouting and screaming for what she wanted as this originates from an inability to emotionally handle not getting her way.
2. Thus she never learned patience and waiting, delaying pleasure, until much much later.
3. All this is assuming that she was crying because she was hungry which I cannot be sure of? Thus she may have learned from this to associate the breast with comfort.
On a mental level, I remember acting as a medium between the human and spiritual realms, but this exhausted me and didn't allow for me to trust the interpretations of other, non-psychic relatives and friends (and in reality, we all are psychic, just use it in different ways - every idea is psychic somehow?) I mentally asked the guides to translate for me and show me visions of why she was crying and this seemed successful but was tiring at points - I should have done it in small bursts on a higher level for emergencies only and wirked from tge heart, which would have helped me to balance and use other senses eg reading body language, listening to cries, using logic.. And generally letting others in an trusting their interpretations..
Mind you I am probably looking back too disparagingly on my efforts. I had a lot of success, learned a lot about Elizabeth, despite exhaustion and irritability at points and her becoming more attached to me because I interpreted her wants and needs better (isn't this the case with lots of Mums?) and of course I became too attached to her because I essentially felt that my expertise made me the best person to look after her.. All others were less capable and less knowledgeable.. I had to learn that parenting is natural - a book or technique is not the only thing required.
Mediumistic parenting only lasted successfully until she began to talk or make sounds that linked to words more regularly gradually fading out, oh no what really happened is that tuning in to her psychically all the time as a mother medium exgaustedxme psychologically and emotionally and I was delaying her speech development so switched it off for a few weeks or months then learned to listen to her on a purely physical level, interpreting the words she was trying to imitate.
I had been doing this when she was born too but gad eased off maybe as the psychic took over or patterns were established, I got used to interpreting certain basic cries.
What I think should happen:
The mother should decide if she feels like breastfeeding. Tuning into her body, she should ask herself, do I feel calm, comfortable, do my breasts feel full of milk or empty and dry, running low?
Some sources say that milk is supply on demand - the more baby sucks, the more milk is produced. However, this is not an excuse to keep the baby at the breast constantly. The mother needs a proper break away from baby to have a lovely meal, good sex, a massage or masturbation (perfect alone and retiming time after the birth, essential actually to help ger understand the changes her body has gone through and prepare her for sex again so she can communicate her findings to her partner, or maybe they can explore, supportively, together).
My reasoning is that a proper break, (alone time for the Mum or couple time, time with friends or at work etc) will help the Mum to FEEL GOOD which will help her milk supply to improve :-)
The power needs to rest within the mother, primarily, not the little baby.
Of course, medical monitoring is essential here and if the baby is not gaining weight and constant time at the breast helps it to gain weight then do so.
But my feeling is that a little break for Mum once or twice a day and rotas/shared parenting, (help from grannies if husbands/male partners are a bit clueless but don't let them sidle out of their duties! Be gentle and don't criticise the poor partner though, and don't overcriticise granny or Aunty either!) at night will do no harm to baby (babs).
If the mother does not feel like breastfeeding when the baby cries, try other methods of soothing first, to see if they work, eg a relative or friend, singing, playing and laughing, quiet and rest, etc. (Keep the sexual function of the nipples going, separately, if it feels right to the mother)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)