Breastfeeding on Demand / on Cue (UK and US terms respectively)
New thoughts - comments, questions, differing viewpoints welcome.
Once my way of feeding my daughter, and a key NHS instruction (up until 6 months of age) I now disagree with this concept, particularly from a psychological/spiritual standpoint.
Why?
Because the word 'demand' psychologically links in UK English to being demanding. And I think it actually creates a demanding child if used in a certain way - the way I approached it.
Because it may denigrate the Mother's power, intuition, connection with her own self and what she wants, or would like for her child.
It may reduce the amount of input relatives are able to play in a child's early days.
What did I do?
At points of laziness and tiredness, every time Elizabeth cried, I put the nipple to her mouth.
Thus, comfort feeding was born.
When she began eating solids, she therefore happily accepted food as a form of comfort and boredom relief as well. And later, this evolved to play, TV, stories.
Not straight away, however.
When she was born, I remember noticing that before she cried for a feed, she uttered the sound 'ehoo' and I decided to feed her whenever she uttered this sound so that she would not learn to shout or scream for what she wanted.
However some problems with this psychologically:
1. She was still learning that whenever she asked what she wanted, even if politely, she would get it immediately, without question or delay.
This still set her up for shouting and screaming for what she wanted as this originates from an inability to emotionally handle not getting her way.
2. Thus she never learned patience and waiting, delaying pleasure, until much much later.
3. All this is assuming that she was crying because she was hungry which I cannot be sure of? Thus she may have learned from this to associate the breast with comfort.
On a mental level, I remember acting as a medium between the human and spiritual realms, but this exhausted me and didn't allow for me to trust the interpretations of other, non-psychic relatives and friends (and in reality, we all are psychic, just use it in different ways - every idea is psychic somehow?) I mentally asked the guides to translate for me and show me visions of why she was crying and this seemed successful but was tiring at points - I should have done it in small bursts on a higher level for emergencies only and wirked from tge heart, which would have helped me to balance and use other senses eg reading body language, listening to cries, using logic.. And generally letting others in an trusting their interpretations..
Mind you I am probably looking back too disparagingly on my efforts. I had a lot of success, learned a lot about Elizabeth, despite exhaustion and irritability at points and her becoming more attached to me because I interpreted her wants and needs better (isn't this the case with lots of Mums?) and of course I became too attached to her because I essentially felt that my expertise made me the best person to look after her.. All others were less capable and less knowledgeable.. I had to learn that parenting is natural - a book or technique is not the only thing required.
Mediumistic parenting only lasted successfully until she began to talk or make sounds that linked to words more regularly gradually fading out, oh no what really happened is that tuning in to her psychically all the time as a mother medium exgaustedxme psychologically and emotionally and I was delaying her speech development so switched it off for a few weeks or months then learned to listen to her on a purely physical level, interpreting the words she was trying to imitate.
I had been doing this when she was born too but gad eased off maybe as the psychic took over or patterns were established, I got used to interpreting certain basic cries.
What I think should happen:
The mother should decide if she feels like breastfeeding. Tuning into her body, she should ask herself, do I feel calm, comfortable, do my breasts feel full of milk or empty and dry, running low?
Some sources say that milk is supply on demand - the more baby sucks, the more milk is produced. However, this is not an excuse to keep the baby at the breast constantly. The mother needs a proper break away from baby to have a lovely meal, good sex, a massage or masturbation (perfect alone and retiming time after the birth, essential actually to help ger understand the changes her body has gone through and prepare her for sex again so she can communicate her findings to her partner, or maybe they can explore, supportively, together).
My reasoning is that a proper break, (alone time for the Mum or couple time, time with friends or at work etc) will help the Mum to FEEL GOOD which will help her milk supply to improve :-)
The power needs to rest within the mother, primarily, not the little baby.
Of course, medical monitoring is essential here and if the baby is not gaining weight and constant time at the breast helps it to gain weight then do so.
But my feeling is that a little break for Mum once or twice a day and rotas/shared parenting, (help from grannies if husbands/male partners are a bit clueless but don't let them sidle out of their duties! Be gentle and don't criticise the poor partner though, and don't overcriticise granny or Aunty either!) at night will do no harm to baby (babs).
If the mother does not feel like breastfeeding when the baby cries, try other methods of soothing first, to see if they work, eg a relative or friend, singing, playing and laughing, quiet and rest, etc. (Keep the sexual function of the nipples going, separately, if it feels right to the mother)
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