I don't usually write diary style entries on here, but the poetry isn't there this month and I am clearing out my brow and eye chakras so let's write all the nice things that have happened this week! (Well the ones I am allowed to write about on here ;-) ).
Cats
My Mum is adamant that the names for my new cats should be 'Shouldn't of' (colloquial Mum does know propa grammar ;-) ) and 'Had 'em' !
She feels I shouldn't spend my money on extra tiny furry little mouths to feed.
I've worried I can't give them the time and attention they need.
However as I've discussed alternative healing type solutions with the previous owner twice and he seems insistent on believing that his son's eczema will be cured upon removal of said beloved, much pampered cats, I think I need to let go, not feel guilty, give it a go and commit to gradual integration of furry felines into our crazy developing household.
You see I said our there... What does our mean? I rarely used or felt 'our' even when living with Matt and Lizzy in a marital situation. Now with lively lovely boyfriend staying over a few nights a week and gradually coming into our lives in nice helpful and fun wats, I feel much happy with the 'our', pronounced 'ah' in a truly loving and balanced way...
The positive with the cats?
Despite my fears, they do seem to be gradually integrating and bonding.
Beth or Lizzy
What's in a name? I still want to stop calling my daughter Lizzy, and call her Beth all the time instead. Beth represents to me peace, tranquility, shamla, love, an integration of heart and crown. Rose and green. I wish she would not be angry with me when I refuse to feed her breastmilk anymore...I wish she would stop being angry completely, stop being so wilful...'Graceful Parenting' says that wherever possible, in a power struggle between parent and child, give the power to the child.
I used to agree with this a little, never completely. Now I just plain disagree.
And Iliana? This was the name shown to me in my first trimester when I tried to ask for her name psychically. It showed White. And Rose as a secondary colour. A dancer, a true girl, a princess, a tall slender beautiful blonde haired girl who loved beauty and dance. And you know, that IS Elizabeth. Negatives were the tendency to be a little self centred and princessy.
Matt didn't want the name Iliana or Ilana Tose. He thought it to be too Lord of the Ringsy. He thought she might get bullied. I felt like saying, 'I'll pick our female child's name and you can pick our male child's name'. But I bottled. I thought we should be equal parents and reach a compromise.
As pregnancy progressed and we argued more and more increasingly, so the name I saw in my vision for our new child became more and more low vibration. Close to the birth, White had disappeared from her incarnation ray and red and green were now her karmic colours - a child born needing to conquer anger, born of angry parents, needing love and forgiveness. A strong willed child.
I want to change this karma now.
I want to change her name.
Elizabeth Rose no more...
Beth Rose?
Iliana Rose?
Or do I need to separate the names from the colours?
Elizabeth Rose - What were the positives?
Strong willed. Balanced in the heart. Outdoorsy. Good with exercise. Strong legs and feet, a lover of running, jumping, climbing, as well as dance.
A loving, giving soul. Capable of great strength, generosity, and healing of others. The truth is she loves pink - pale delicate pink, girly pink, mid pink, peach, and deep pink. In time's of crisis, she is very good at comforting and nurturing me, even at her young age.
She likes to give a cuddle, a kiss on the lips, say I love you, good advice, and disperse stress with playing about and joking. She happily converses with any stranger and if she likes them, will even be picked up by them. She loves to go up to all the little girls, and some little boys of around her age and give them a cuddle in the shopping centre etc!
This is my doing and Matt's. We worked hard at this and need to be proud here and thank and congratulate each other. I transcended my karma here.
She is in a much more peaceful environment now. She has two loving homes to live in - one crazy free thinking jazz household with possibly lazy routines, and one that is aiming to be reasonable, rational, and structured and ordered. Well there probably isn't lots of difference between our households, not sure. One where she gets to sleep next to her Dad, and her Nan in Wirksworth, and lots of people who love her live there. One that is perhaps more strict and isolated, where she sleeps more alone, she is not the centre of attention in fact sometimes, she comes second to the other love of my life, but I think this is good for her as long as she is treated with love and respect.
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