Revelations, Great Learning, Gratitudes!
Today I have begun once more my long-held greatest ambition, great dream, my quest, my adventure of learning EVERYTHING there is to learn!
I am probably very overdrawn right now! But actually what I'm seeing and feeling is that if I keep devoting my time to learning from the free texts that I have in my home - my own and my family's extensive pre-existing book collections - and on the internet, then I will be very very happy and not spending money on shopping!!
I do still want to buy fabric to turn my favourite 11 year old top into a T-Shirt dress though with rainbows, sequins a wavy/curly tiered skirt and my own mandala design...I could Indian-style all my vests with heart mandalas and sequins...
Anyway back to the learning goal... Mind you hang on, embroidery, haberdashery - they're learning curves too! Learning new sewing techniques!
Language
I found an AMAZING website dedicated to the evolution of language. I CANNOT thank the creator Lawrence Lo enough!
It's so gracious, so benevolent and kind to put all that knowledge out there in a friendly (very important in a world where healing academic arrogance has been happening), easy to read and so easy to search through, see and compare format!
I could easily trace the history of the letters of my own name, phenomenally, back to letters borrowed from Egyptian hieroglyphs!
It is so cool that the first letter of my name comes directly (almost) from an Egyptian picture of a snake! (I have had to really understand and heal the snake in me, and I am a moon -in-Scorpio. The Native American correspondent for Scorpio is the snake, I believe).
I also love that the letter M links to that zig zag picture of water! Since my teens I have often seen the letter M as blue! In Music, Mozart, Matt, Maths, Mouth, perhaps Mother...Ok it started when we had a blue textbook for music but if my subconscious had disliked the correlation back then, it might have rejected it! Maybe...
My goal, as once proudly told to the primary conductor Lionel Friend at Birmingham Conservatoire, has long been to learn every language in the world. I abandoned this in motherhood, stuck at home all the time, but actually, it's crazy, but I think I just might do it!
I think I actually could achieve it! If I live to... 80 or 100. Maybe even sooner! Of course, there are many dead languages. Languages we've yet to discover, or interpret.
So far I have French, intermediate Japanese and German, beginners' Spanish, Italian, Latin, Polish, Finnish, Urdu... I feel confident that my Finnish and German will improve soon - I have lots of German resources gathered right now! One day I'll learn more Russian and definitely more Urdu, translating to Hindi and Arabic. I have recently been revising and extending my knowledge of Japanese too. One day I shall learn Chinese too! And I have to learn Korean for when I can finally afford to visit dear old Dean! I do want to learn Gaelic, Welsh and Manx...Belgian...Hungarian...
Physics
I finally bought Brian Cox's the Quantum Universe! I am so happy and am so looking forward to reading it and to catching up on his programmes on iPlayer/You Tube if I can find them!
I really want to master Physics. Particularly Quantum Physics and anything that helps me learn the scientific evidence or names for chakras, the levels of the aura, where they exist (in a temporary or permanent dimension? A dimension where we create them or do they actually exist in this dimension as permanent fields of energy?)
Where do the spirit guides and angels come from? Where do they live? Are they in physical form somewhere in the universe, projecting or communicating telepathically? Or are they floating around? Do they exist in a more constant state, as they are telling me now, some beings who are talking to me are telling me that they co exist with their friends and colleagues happily in another dimension?
I am beginning, slowly, to believe that they may not have physical bodies in current existence, unless some of the guides or companions are coma patients who travel. I like that idea and have done for years.
I'm not bats. I firmly know only one thing in this area - that beings talk to me and help me daily, have done for at least 5 years. I know for definite that a lot of, if not all, the communication I receive is from them - I really don't believe that my unconscious brain can create unique conversations or communications to my conscious self, while I am already totally focused on another task, on its own!
Maybe others can train their brain to do that but not me - purely because I don't want to.
I do often get a phenomena where my worries and fears or other thoughts are echoed back to me. The guides precipitate this but I realised that hearing my own negative thoughts echoed back wasn't helpful so I asked the guides to stop teaching me that way and eventually they did.
This coincided with me learning on the earth plane that teaching a child through negative example was spiritually wrong and not helpful, emotionally and mentally unhelpful and damaging.
Example, a child grabs a toy. The parent grabs the toy back saying, 'I'll grab from you and see how you like it!' This is a common parenting technique from my hometown and probably elsewhere but it doesn't work in the long run unless you do it playfully, as a joke, pretending to be a baby for example and making baby noises and the child finds it funny.
Over and out now it's late, I'm losing my trail of thought!!!
Friday, 30 December 2011
Saturday, 24 December 2011
On Sir Isaac Newton's birthday - Great Holistic Thinkers and me...
Sir Isaac Newton's birthday eh?
Such hidden depths about him that I didn't know about! A father of the basis for modern unified sound and colour healing techniques. (I suspect the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians and others before may have done similar things, haven't read up on it yet though).
Did you know that, according to Wiki, he decided to separate the rainbow into seven colours because there were seven notes in the musical scale, seven days in the week, etc? And he actually assigned a note of the Dorian scale to each colour! This is what many modern sound healers do with the Ionian/Major scale! (Although I myself prefer to be more flexible in my approach).
He was a holistic thinker, as was Einstein. This, of course, was not taught in school. More and more, I find that the great masters and mistresses who made great scientific discoveries or inventions, created new paradigms and methods of classification etc., may not have achieved these discoveries and inventions through science alone! Neither purely through maths! They didn't use a purely logical approach - the intuition, inspiration and creativity were important to them!
My feeling is that the greatest thinkers of our time, the ones that truly change history, are the ones who think broadly. Are multi-disciplinary. Are not afraid to think outside of the box. Are not afraid of change! Are holistic and balanced.. On all levels.
I really aspire to be like them. I feel so similar to Einstein. For ages I have felt, I don't have the intellectual and computational capacity to be as good as he. And maybe that's true. But maybe I could also develop my intuition and positive thinking, and that would stimulate my intellect, my ability in science and maths... I used to love physics and quadratic equations but chose creative and linguistic subjects at A Level, choosing to use my maths and science skills in Computing..Maybe there's still time. I do like quantum physics.
Such hidden depths about him that I didn't know about! A father of the basis for modern unified sound and colour healing techniques. (I suspect the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians and others before may have done similar things, haven't read up on it yet though).
Did you know that, according to Wiki, he decided to separate the rainbow into seven colours because there were seven notes in the musical scale, seven days in the week, etc? And he actually assigned a note of the Dorian scale to each colour! This is what many modern sound healers do with the Ionian/Major scale! (Although I myself prefer to be more flexible in my approach).
He was a holistic thinker, as was Einstein. This, of course, was not taught in school. More and more, I find that the great masters and mistresses who made great scientific discoveries or inventions, created new paradigms and methods of classification etc., may not have achieved these discoveries and inventions through science alone! Neither purely through maths! They didn't use a purely logical approach - the intuition, inspiration and creativity were important to them!
My feeling is that the greatest thinkers of our time, the ones that truly change history, are the ones who think broadly. Are multi-disciplinary. Are not afraid to think outside of the box. Are not afraid of change! Are holistic and balanced.. On all levels.
I really aspire to be like them. I feel so similar to Einstein. For ages I have felt, I don't have the intellectual and computational capacity to be as good as he. And maybe that's true. But maybe I could also develop my intuition and positive thinking, and that would stimulate my intellect, my ability in science and maths... I used to love physics and quadratic equations but chose creative and linguistic subjects at A Level, choosing to use my maths and science skills in Computing..Maybe there's still time. I do like quantum physics.
Saturday, 10 December 2011
I Know Saying 'I Love You' Is Ok: A Return to Rumi, Hafiz, and Sirius
You Melted My Heart
With just one glance, you melted my heart! One glance of love, pure love.
Sympathy, understanding, beauty, wisdom! You are beautiful!
And suddenly, I no longer felt alone.
I don't know your name, but suddenly, on that cold morning in Derby, I felt loved. Connected. Understood. Valued. No longer alone.
My heart stirred. Warmth seeped in!
I remembered, with tears, love long gone by. The pain of the last 10 months. The one(s) I loved so deeply, bore my soul to - so open. I confessed my deepest love and it was platonic, it really was.
I called you my soulmate and I meant it.
Finally I had found someone like me.
And of course, I have found many soulmates in the course of my life.
Most of them, I still love. I still think of them as soulmates. I still try (often in vain, with little response, to my heart's pain), to keep in touch.
What is a soulmate? I used to think, to know that they were for life. Then I gave up trying to keep in touch. Maybe I was wrong, I thought. Maybe people had to move on and drift apart. Maybe I needed to finally make new friends, closer to home...
And I have. I am.
But at what cost?
Could I make up with...Angel star; merlin, my wise, beloved sage; moon goddess, who taught me the worship and respect of another's body and sanctuary; fire child, who truly challenged me; my beautiful lamb, who I've tried so hard not to miss; the funky one, who played with me; wood mage, the one who first took me walking in the thundery summer rain; star child, the one who showed me his beautiful music; sun man, whose sparkling eyes twinkle to me even now in my head...
There are many more.
I have been so, deeply hurt by Merlin.
I have become afraid of love again.
As the light of silver opens me up once again, once more I write poetry, I am open to the deepest, deepest love of all others whose lives I have touched, and still touch. I am open to forgiveness. Through poetry and painting, maybe once more I can show people I truly love them.
Maybe I can truly show that it is platonic. Maybe there will be no repercussions this time.
I begin to trust the spiritual guides again. I begin to open up to ancient wisdom. The star meditation is for me first... I needed it! A beautiful star of origin. Of progress. Of hope. Of ascension. Of returning to me. But even better. With greater clarity I express my love. I acknowledge my love, my loss, my hurt, my pain, my longing, my need, my desire...my joy, my innate forgiveness, my desire to express.
And I will speak. With wisdom, with clarity, with honesty, with love, with gentleness, with construction, with truth. With poetry.
With just one glance, you melted my heart! One glance of love, pure love.
Sympathy, understanding, beauty, wisdom! You are beautiful!
And suddenly, I no longer felt alone.
I don't know your name, but suddenly, on that cold morning in Derby, I felt loved. Connected. Understood. Valued. No longer alone.
My heart stirred. Warmth seeped in!
I remembered, with tears, love long gone by. The pain of the last 10 months. The one(s) I loved so deeply, bore my soul to - so open. I confessed my deepest love and it was platonic, it really was.
I called you my soulmate and I meant it.
Finally I had found someone like me.
And of course, I have found many soulmates in the course of my life.
Most of them, I still love. I still think of them as soulmates. I still try (often in vain, with little response, to my heart's pain), to keep in touch.
What is a soulmate? I used to think, to know that they were for life. Then I gave up trying to keep in touch. Maybe I was wrong, I thought. Maybe people had to move on and drift apart. Maybe I needed to finally make new friends, closer to home...
And I have. I am.
But at what cost?
Could I make up with...Angel star; merlin, my wise, beloved sage; moon goddess, who taught me the worship and respect of another's body and sanctuary; fire child, who truly challenged me; my beautiful lamb, who I've tried so hard not to miss; the funky one, who played with me; wood mage, the one who first took me walking in the thundery summer rain; star child, the one who showed me his beautiful music; sun man, whose sparkling eyes twinkle to me even now in my head...
There are many more.
I have been so, deeply hurt by Merlin.
I have become afraid of love again.
As the light of silver opens me up once again, once more I write poetry, I am open to the deepest, deepest love of all others whose lives I have touched, and still touch. I am open to forgiveness. Through poetry and painting, maybe once more I can show people I truly love them.
Maybe I can truly show that it is platonic. Maybe there will be no repercussions this time.
I begin to trust the spiritual guides again. I begin to open up to ancient wisdom. The star meditation is for me first... I needed it! A beautiful star of origin. Of progress. Of hope. Of ascension. Of returning to me. But even better. With greater clarity I express my love. I acknowledge my love, my loss, my hurt, my pain, my longing, my need, my desire...my joy, my innate forgiveness, my desire to express.
And I will speak. With wisdom, with clarity, with honesty, with love, with gentleness, with construction, with truth. With poetry.
A Glorious Sunrise!
This morning:
The most beautiful yellow-orange in the glowing sunrise! Perfect. The perfect shade between.
Indigos; bright, neon-peach; calming cyan and a pastel yellow... Smoky indigo clouds and near-purple up above...
That beautiful, calming and uplifting intertwining of that wonderful pale yellow at the horizon, and the pale cyan fading into pale blue...
The absolute glory of those peach-rose-orange streaks, gleaming in the light...orange-yellow stark, proud, confident, yet angelic...
In the sunrise and sunset we see colours that are so hard to recreate ourselves! Unique blendings - two-tone or three-tone colours that we cannot simply divide into dull sections of Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.
Will there be a time when we redefine the rainbow? Teach our children true chromaticism and colour description? People are amazed thaty daughter, at under 2, could distinguish purple from pink; turquoise from blue... Yet I see it as a gift to her. That knowledge, at an age where every word we taught her stayed marvellously in her memory without need for repetition, was a gift to her! The gift of knowledge, of description, of poetry in words! The gift of discernment, for, if we know the words to describe something, we are more able to see and remember it! Maybe. The word is the death of the thing? The word is also the creation of the thing. The weaving of the magic! The sprinkling of the glitter, the icing on the cake.
Below, here on earth we have green. Purple, violet, pink. Plain orange. Pure, clearly defined colours in our flowers. To our eyes unless we look further... When the sun begins to rise or set, our flowers, grass and hillsides, seas, are imbued with a tint, a new colour!
And deeper, what colours do we see beneath our feet, in the bosom of the earth?
Unique to our glorious caverns and earthly rocks (and maybe on a few fish and birds etc. ;-) ) is gold, silver, peacock ore - the glorious metallic shades! Colours in rocks and gemstones are transparent, or mottled, or striped! The flash of a peacock's feather is a sight glorious and mystical to behold. A kingfisher, a mallard, a magpie... Shining in the sun!
The beautiful thing about a sunrise is that it grows and grows in splendour and light! One cannot help but feel sad when, at sunset, that glowing beauty disappears below the horizon, saying its final farewell! Although of course, it gives way to stars, moon, planets, maybe even aurora borealis...
Hello sunrise! Hello world! I'm glad to meet you today! Hello Derby!
I think I'm going to do more Winter early rising, watching the sunset, going for a run, recording bird song and notating it...Watching the beautiful frosts and ice formed!
The most beautiful yellow-orange in the glowing sunrise! Perfect. The perfect shade between.
Indigos; bright, neon-peach; calming cyan and a pastel yellow... Smoky indigo clouds and near-purple up above...
That beautiful, calming and uplifting intertwining of that wonderful pale yellow at the horizon, and the pale cyan fading into pale blue...
The absolute glory of those peach-rose-orange streaks, gleaming in the light...orange-yellow stark, proud, confident, yet angelic...
In the sunrise and sunset we see colours that are so hard to recreate ourselves! Unique blendings - two-tone or three-tone colours that we cannot simply divide into dull sections of Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.
Will there be a time when we redefine the rainbow? Teach our children true chromaticism and colour description? People are amazed thaty daughter, at under 2, could distinguish purple from pink; turquoise from blue... Yet I see it as a gift to her. That knowledge, at an age where every word we taught her stayed marvellously in her memory without need for repetition, was a gift to her! The gift of knowledge, of description, of poetry in words! The gift of discernment, for, if we know the words to describe something, we are more able to see and remember it! Maybe. The word is the death of the thing? The word is also the creation of the thing. The weaving of the magic! The sprinkling of the glitter, the icing on the cake.
Below, here on earth we have green. Purple, violet, pink. Plain orange. Pure, clearly defined colours in our flowers. To our eyes unless we look further... When the sun begins to rise or set, our flowers, grass and hillsides, seas, are imbued with a tint, a new colour!
And deeper, what colours do we see beneath our feet, in the bosom of the earth?
Unique to our glorious caverns and earthly rocks (and maybe on a few fish and birds etc. ;-) ) is gold, silver, peacock ore - the glorious metallic shades! Colours in rocks and gemstones are transparent, or mottled, or striped! The flash of a peacock's feather is a sight glorious and mystical to behold. A kingfisher, a mallard, a magpie... Shining in the sun!
The beautiful thing about a sunrise is that it grows and grows in splendour and light! One cannot help but feel sad when, at sunset, that glowing beauty disappears below the horizon, saying its final farewell! Although of course, it gives way to stars, moon, planets, maybe even aurora borealis...
Hello sunrise! Hello world! I'm glad to meet you today! Hello Derby!
I think I'm going to do more Winter early rising, watching the sunset, going for a run, recording bird song and notating it...Watching the beautiful frosts and ice formed!
Friday, 2 December 2011
Yayness! I Can Celebrate!
Yay I have healthy kidneys!
No cysts at all (I was expecting one to be riddled with cysts, or to have one big one like Mum or Dad!)
No gallstones!
My left is bigger than my right, which corresponds with my left boob, hand, and foot being bigger than the right ones.
Yay I've paid my BT debt!
I can soon pay my debt to Mum!
Next stage - overdraft repayment!
Detox and diet! Let's get that urinary tract free from blood!
And lose some weight in time for Christmas!
I want to improve my bone and vein health too with happy vegetables and fruit!
No more spot scars!
Lots of sleep and meditation when I need it!
And maybe after all this, I can donate! Yay!
Once my debts are all paid, I've detoxed and lost weight, I think it will be time to donate that kidney!
During this time I'll keep working and preparing for more serious work later on. I have so many little projects and it's all beginning to become clear that they're all linked. All destining me for something.. I don't know what! It might be different to how I imagined!
Working in a one to one healing context, but also a Sound Healing group or choir, working in hospitals, writing articles and poems, drawing and painting, giving lectures and writing articles in many different languages (I want my website to be readable all over the world), designing a meditation app, CDs, lots of exciting things!
Actually designing my own meditations now! That's so exciting!
I had felt so guilty that the guides were giving me ideas different from my teacher when I'd been asked to stick to my assignment brief. Now I have a reason to be new!Different!
The next stage? Better? I don't want to sound arrogant and think of myself as better, but maybe progression in spiritual ideas is inevitable - it's been happening since the dawn of time after all!
So what does my unique technique, my unique approach to healing, spiritual teaching, meditation and visualisation practice have to offer?
No cysts at all (I was expecting one to be riddled with cysts, or to have one big one like Mum or Dad!)
No gallstones!
My left is bigger than my right, which corresponds with my left boob, hand, and foot being bigger than the right ones.
Yay I've paid my BT debt!
I can soon pay my debt to Mum!
Next stage - overdraft repayment!
Detox and diet! Let's get that urinary tract free from blood!
And lose some weight in time for Christmas!
I want to improve my bone and vein health too with happy vegetables and fruit!
No more spot scars!
Lots of sleep and meditation when I need it!
And maybe after all this, I can donate! Yay!
Once my debts are all paid, I've detoxed and lost weight, I think it will be time to donate that kidney!
During this time I'll keep working and preparing for more serious work later on. I have so many little projects and it's all beginning to become clear that they're all linked. All destining me for something.. I don't know what! It might be different to how I imagined!
Working in a one to one healing context, but also a Sound Healing group or choir, working in hospitals, writing articles and poems, drawing and painting, giving lectures and writing articles in many different languages (I want my website to be readable all over the world), designing a meditation app, CDs, lots of exciting things!
Actually designing my own meditations now! That's so exciting!
I had felt so guilty that the guides were giving me ideas different from my teacher when I'd been asked to stick to my assignment brief. Now I have a reason to be new!Different!
The next stage? Better? I don't want to sound arrogant and think of myself as better, but maybe progression in spiritual ideas is inevitable - it's been happening since the dawn of time after all!
So what does my unique technique, my unique approach to healing, spiritual teaching, meditation and visualisation practice have to offer?
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